Relationship with my dad, shitty text message

[BingBong36]

A brief background re my dad. He EA my mum, they are now divorced. He was a pretty shit dad, never went out of his way for anyone .. When i came back from travelling he was supposed to pick me up and just didn't bother turning up, any Father's Day or bday present he would be very ungrateful and say 'is that it do I not deserve more?'

After the divorce we fell out as I obv sided with my mum. He would send me shitty messages saying how he heard my husband had been having affairs (which he hadn't) and how he would turn up at my wedding even tho he wasn't invited, how I didn't deserve his surname anymore and lucky I was getting married so I would have a new one etc etc

A few years past and DS1 was born, when he was 1 I decided I should try again with my dad and for the last couple if years my dad has been brilliant like a different man, very charming nice helpful etc.

I have not seen him for 3 weeks, I invite him every few weeks for Sunday toast to which lately he has been busy. Last week he calls and is very sarcastic sayibg he has not seen grandchildren and bet they have forgotten who he is etc. I respond that he is always welcome and that I do actually invite him over frequently for a roast. This is the man that didn't even bother getting the kids an Easter egg!!

So 2 nights ago I get this text "hi bingbong, dad here, is there any chance if me seeing my grandsons over the bank holiday, no invite nothing, do you and mr bingbong come and visit me, no. I'm their grandad and I want to see them, sort it out'

I knew it wouldn't be long before my dad's old habits come out. I know it's not that bad but it takes me back to the way he used to speak to us and his bullying ways.

So I reply very nicely that he is very welcome any time and how about lunch yesterday afternoon?

No reply

So I txt and say dinner in the oven are you coming? He says he can't come. I then say how about Sunday before 2 or Monday before 3. To which he replies let' sort something out next weekend when we both have more time. Clearly being sarcastic because I has to be something in the afternoons.

In fuming , he made such a song and dance yet I give him
Various options and I get turned down!!! My husband is awAy all this weekend until next weekend which he knows so it's quite hectic with two kids.

I have not replied again as I'm so scared of getting any abusive bulky-boy txt that I've left it.

But I need to get my point across and say that he shouldn't be sending me those txt messages. That I have him various options this weekend and again he didn't come so he can't be that bothered about seeing us? But then I don't want to get in to an argument.

Whst dhoukd I do just leave it,? Thanks

Thanks everyone again for your advice. I didn't text back in the end,i didnt have the strength.

I have taken all of you advice on board, thank you xx

BingBong, get him out of your life! You deserve so much better than this. You have done far more for him than he deserves and his behavior is appalling! I would go back to being NC for your emotional wellbeing and your kids.
Sending hugs x

My parents are unpleasant people. They made me a very unhappy child and teenager. I could not do anything about that. They ruined my first wedding and didn't come to my second. When I had my children I tried to enable my children to have a relationship with them; it wasn't easy but my lovely father in law when I was pregnant so they only had one grandad.
That grandad then told my 5 year old son that he was going to set fire to our house, with all of us in it; this was because I had asked him if he had given any more thought to his retirement date ( so not exactly a challenging question!) He said that his response to my son was 'a joke' and my mum told me not to 'be silly'. My son was absolutely distraught. It clearly was not said as a joke.
At that point I finally saw the light, they will never change; it was 14 years ago and we have not seen them since then. I have no regrets. I had no choice as a child, however, I chose as an adult to keep my two children away from people who have emotionally and physically abused me.
As my children have grown up I have offered them the chance to see their gps, they have refused as my son still remembers that day. Do what is best for you and your children; you are you own family now.

I don't know how old your Dad is, but he has years of life left in which a fall out with you "will be terminal". While you are a reasonable person, it is probably safe to assume that his nature will result in a falling out. On that basis you might as well cut your losses as the writing is on the wall.

Goodness, Life.

Well done for protecting your family and helping yourself out of that situation.