Why do I feel guilty, when I should be angry?

[Cantputacockinavaseandcallitaflower]

I'm sorry, I'll try to keep this brief. I have been in a relationship for seven months and it's all gone badly wrong. He is a drug user, I didn't know this until recently. I seem to have lost all sense of reality.

I am a "head up and shake it off" kind of woman. Or at least I was. I guess I got sucked in and now I can't tell if this behaviour is unreasonable or not.

He has always been moody and bad tempered, I suppose I got used to it. However, I had to end the relationship and he bombarded me with calls and texts. Ranging from begging me/he can't live without me to hating me and he's depressed and I've ruined his life. Yesterday, I was asleep and therefore couldn't reply to his texts, so he came down to my home. My child was inside with his grandfather so I got into the car with him to avoid a scene in the street. He drove us off, on two wheels - and crashed us into three cars, after telling me that he didn't care if he killed us. He got arrested for the driving and the police woman rang me to say he'd been bailed with the strict instruction not to contact me.

He has text me, called me - I blocked his number. He emailed me, I blocked his email. He made up a new email account - I had to block it.

Over the months he has been devoted, affectionate, needy even..jealous, possessive - I just couldn't see the red flags at the time.

I am a wreck. Why do I feel guilty? He wants to meet up to say goodbye. I'm not going to do this, but why do I feel like this is such a loss, when the rational side of me knows I've had a lucky escape?

I think it's the loss of the idea or vision you had of who he was and what you hoped your relationship could be. That's the loss.

Stay strong. Don't give in to his request to meet up to say goodbye. It's pathetic. He is a loser.

Please call the police on 101 to report that he has contacted you.
You need a flag on your address in case he comes round.
Please don't feel guilty.
Other posters will be along later/tomorrow with more advice.
Please call the police now.

I am so overwhelmingly sad. So happy to be alive but I'm afraid to have a glass of wine in case it turns into three bottles

Everyone thinks I'm minimising this. Maybe that's why I haven't contacted the police even though I know he's broken his bail conditions

this man is very dangerous. do not contact him. Please please call the police

and yes, it is a loss.

I actually feel sorry for him. He's always been good at turning on the tears. I know this was probably a manipulation tactic but I feel sick at the thought of him being in further trouble, even though I'm shocked that he's still attempting to contact me. So many emotions, I am a grown woman ffs..a mother, I should be above this and yet here I am, moping about and feeling sorry for someone who nearly killed me

You really do need to tell the police that he is still trying to contact you OP, the more you cover for him and let him do this the more danger you are in.
FGS he did try and kill you, he drove into 3 cars and told you he didn't care if he killed you.
You need to look after yourself and keep you and your family safe, this won't stop OP until you do something.
You feel guilty because you are a good person and I wouldn't mind betting that you think you can 'save' him and the illusion of the relationship you thought you had ... you say from the get go he was moody etc so I think you might be looking back with rose tinted on, you are grieving for something that you thought you had and now is gone, understandable but you need to think straight now.

He is a danger to you and to your child, you need to do something, believe me I've been there, it ended when the ex tried to burn down the house with us in.

Thank for your kind words. I think I'm afraid of the repercussions - if they slap his wrists then I will pay for getting him into further trouble. I don't think he's the kind of man to adhere to a restraining order. Thankfully my child has never had any contact with him. It's horrible, I feel like this drama hasn't even started yet. I've suffered from postnatal depression in the past and he likes to taunt me by calling me "mental" - that keeps playing in my mind and making me angry, then I remember his tears and I'm the one sitting here shaking like a leaf. I can't even sleep properly because I'm afraid of what I'll waken up to. I am frightened of ringing the police; because when he gets out, things could be very difficult for me

But he already tried to kill you before the police were involved. He's already dangerous and not in prison. How much worse can involving the police make it?

I understand how scary it is but you absolutely have to ring the police, every single time he contacts you. This man is dangerous and obsessed. He could have killed you, and your child. He actually told you that he didn't care if he did.

You are not overreacting. If anything you are under reacting. Please don't feel sorry for him, that could put you in great danger. If he gets in trouble that is his doing, and his responsibility. You and your child's safety is your responsibility and priority.

You have done a courageous thing by getting away from him. Stay strong, any contact with him whatsoever will only make things worse.

Please contact the police, stay alert and stay safe.

He is well liked around these parts, very popular and involved with the "right" but most definitely wrong sort of people. If I throw him under a bus, I'm concerned I may end up under the same bus. God I sound ridiculous, I know I need to ring the police. I'm just afraid for my home, my freedom to go out in this area, even my wee car. What a mess. I've been so blind. I don't know how I've been holding my life together.

My son's wonderful father, my ex husband, has taken him away for a few days..I forgot to add that

You're doing the right thing not meeting him to say good bye and blocking all contact. But I'd go that bit further and let the police know he's been trying to contact.

You have nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about. Do not waste sympathy on him.

OP, this man is dangerous. This is evident from both his words and his deeds. Please call the police and let them know that he has been in contact. You can tell them about your concerns.

It is important that you protect yourself.

Please stay diligent and safe. He sounds very unstable and scary. Take care or yourself and your son.

He's a total nutter. He feeds of your fear. Its a game to him. He doesn't care about himself and so is unable to care about anyone else.

The only way is to ignore him - tough to do.

Other people will know he's a shit butare to scared to say so act all buddy buddy to him.

Your a strong person. You can do it.

I suspect you have codependent tendencies and that this man has made you feel responsible for his happiness and that's why you feel guilty. It's important to isolate the guilty feelings and recognise them for what they are, then you can neutralise them.

God he sounds terrifying. You've seen who he is. It's up to you now to show that you are a responsible mother.

Take it from me, when there's a domestic in a family home or where a child is present a referral goes straight into social services.

Not sure if you got a referral put in but really it's only a matter of time if you stay with him.

Feeling sorry for him is no basis for a relationship is it? Hard though it may be, you need to mentally shut the door and move on. You cannot be his saviour.

When he says 'to say goodbye' I suspect he means 'goodbye'. Like you in a pair of concrete shoes. You get me?

Still, if you like the drama, carry on. If you can consider that you are not really the centre of his universe and he is just a cunt, then pick up the phone and tell the police that he broke his bail conditions.

Your move love.

He could have killed you leaving your DC motherless.

He is breaking bail contacting you.

Call the police.

The police have been called so I assume he will now be arrested. That was difficult. Btw I certainly do not love the drama nor do I consider myself the centre of his universe I was just asking why I'm down rather than bouncing off the walls with anger - thanks for all the kind replies

He is beyond help and reason.

He most likely had a troublesome start to life. These troubles are deeply ingrained in him.

You can't help him, his love for you cannot help him. He is emotionally destroyed and more than likely will be for the rest of his life.

He's a terrible role model for any child.

I know he must have some nice traits, they all do but your better off out of it.

Contact your provider and ask for a change of mobile number.

Quitelikely - he has some lovely traits, but I guess there is something wrong with him on a deeper level. I had been attempting to finish the relationship and he's been so fixated on why. It seems if I could offer him an acceptable reason then he'd leave it - yet at the same time, I don't think he'll ever find anything acceptable.

Oh I need wine, hopefully this is the end of it.