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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Age difference

65 replies

Headdesk · 02/05/2015 10:49

In 2013 I got out of an emotionally abusive marriage, best thing I ever did. I then met a guy who's 6 years younger than me (I'm nearly 30, He's early 20s). Apart from the age we're perfect together, I mean we argue, but most people do right? He's good to me, he looks after me and he lets me be myself and doesn't control me. But I recently started thinking, will the age matter? I mean not now but what about in a few years? What if I want to have kids (I know it's harder as you get older) and this is stuff I think about, but he obviously won't be at this point, he's very career focused. I am too right now, but what happens if in 10 years he wants kids but it's too late?
I love him so much but I worry the age gap will not work out. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this?

OP posts:

hereandtherex · 04/05/2015 18:43

The UK legal system and society is setup for the woman to get the kids.

Its not unusual for the husband to get the kids. I would guess of the ~20 broken relationships, only in 5 cases has the bloke got the kids. In each of those the woman was a total headcase and danger to her kids. I would have not let a male aquaintance of mine get involved with any of the women without a very strong, detailed talking to.

Original poster

Headdesk · 04/05/2015 18:52

There was no legal intervention when it came to the kids. Although me and x h had problems the whole break up was amicable (he was very emotionally controlling to the point it was suffocating so I left, when we broke up he said he realised what he was doing but it was too late) we are friends now, we were living with mil so I was the one who had to leave, I had no job, no home, no family I ended up sleeping on a friends sofa for a month, my ds has special needs and we both decided that it was best they stay where they were, I see them everyday. X h said that when I was sorted with my own place then we would share custody, my place now isn't suitable (I have a flat mate) when I move in with dp it will be suitable. I can promise I'm not a headcase, possibly a bit eccentric.... But not a headcase.

OP posts:

Carii · 04/05/2015 18:53

What are you saying here?

hereandtherex · 04/05/2015 18:54

Im not saying anything. Im just trying to get some more detail.

Fine.

Back to original response: 6 years is nothing. Go for it if it makes you happy.

Carii · 04/05/2015 18:54

Sorry Head crossed post.

Original poster

Headdesk · 04/05/2015 18:55

I understand its unusual circumstances but it works for everyone involved

OP posts:

Carii · 04/05/2015 18:56

here I don't think that why her children don't live with her is anything to do with this post and what you said appeared to be suggesting that she is a bad mother. Not nice.

hereandtherex · 04/05/2015 18:56

I didn't suggest she was a bad mother. I asked why, that's all.

Original poster

Headdesk · 04/05/2015 18:58

It's ok, I think I'd be curious as well if it was someone else posting

OP posts:

Carii · 04/05/2015 19:00

Well you didn't just ask why you posted this.

The UK legal system and society is setup for the woman to get the kids.

I think that was asking her to justify why her kids are not with her and you were implying that it was strange that she didn't have her kids with her and that most women who don't get custody of them are headcases and a danger to the kids. This is inappropriate to this post and the OP.

Lailou · 04/05/2015 19:03

here I think that what you posted was out of order too.
OP if I were you I would just enjoy the life you have with him now.

Original poster

Headdesk · 04/05/2015 19:06

I'm going to, I just think I tend to over think things a bit too much.

OP posts:

Lailou · 04/05/2015 19:09

Its natural to think things through but he sounds a good man and you are enjoying each other now and are both prepared to take the next step so all good. You don't know what the future holds anyway, you only really have the now.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/05/2015 21:45

It's only 6 years difference hardly a generation gap and even if it were as long as your both of age and happy what's the big deal.

Original poster

Headdesk · 01/06/2015 13:52

I thought I'd come back and update if anyone's interested.
We just signed the lease for our new place and we had a serious talk about marriage and kids. He said that he wants to get married in the future and I said I would too but not soon because of the fact my divorce has literally only just gone through. He said that when I am 30 (2 yrs time) we will have a serious talk about what we both want in reguards to kids etc and that if the time is right then we'd start thinking about it as 30 isn't too old to start thinking about these things.
He's been really reassuring about it all (considering he's early 20s and not really thinking about stuff like that yet) he says that he just knows that he can picture us getting old together no matter what that involves.

OP posts:

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