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Original poster

Age difference

65 replies

Headdesk · 02/05/2015 10:49

In 2013 I got out of an emotionally abusive marriage, best thing I ever did. I then met a guy who's 6 years younger than me (I'm nearly 30, He's early 20s). Apart from the age we're perfect together, I mean we argue, but most people do right? He's good to me, he looks after me and he lets me be myself and doesn't control me. But I recently started thinking, will the age matter? I mean not now but what about in a few years? What if I want to have kids (I know it's harder as you get older) and this is stuff I think about, but he obviously won't be at this point, he's very career focused. I am too right now, but what happens if in 10 years he wants kids but it's too late?
I love him so much but I worry the age gap will not work out. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 09:23

I should mention that I do have two children already (sorry I didn't mention it before but I was worried it would out who I am irl) they live with their dad (various reasons, I see them everyday) He adores my children and they love him, so I'm not worried about children from my perspective but more from his if you know what I mean.

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Carii · 04/05/2015 15:07

This "moving in" together sounds like a non serious thing not a future plan between the two of you. He is living in the moment. Has he said he wants to marry you or mentioned children in the future with you?
You may find that this living together thing doesn't happen in the end as he will realise that you want more than he can give at this time. Its only been a year.

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 15:09

We have been saving up for the past few months and have a joint savings account for our flat, we're literally moving in June, I have no doubts that he wants us to live together because when we talk about it and sit down and look at flats together he gets very excited about it. He's said he wants to marry me one day.

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Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 15:13

I've no doubt that he's serious about us at all, we've sat and made plans for the immediate future (few years time) I was just worried about if he wanted kids and stuff and if it would be too late if he eventually did.

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Jackieharris · 04/05/2015 15:26

6 years is nothing.

There are men who won't consider women less than 6 years younger than them!

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 15:31

I don't feel like there's an age difference at all, he's quite mature and I'm quite immature for my age haha. No one ever believes I'm my age same with him. We're both have the same career goals (both working in the same industry), we have the same interesteds and the only thing that makes me question it is the biology side of things.

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Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 15:32

Apologies for the appalling typos in that post, fat fingers.

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Carii · 04/05/2015 16:04

Im a bit confused as in your original post you say "what if I wanted to have kids" but then you have just posted that you already have two kids.?
What has he said about kids in the future with you? If he wants to marry you and gets on with your two kids then surely this has come up and been discussed?

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 16:08

I meant to write what if we want to have kids not I.
we talked about it before he's just said 'eventually'.

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Ledkr · 04/05/2015 16:13

My dh is 12 yrs younger.
We have been together 9 yrs and have a 4yr old dd whom I had a 43.
We are very happy and just feel normal, nobody bats an eyelid.
In many ways he's more grown up than me and much more mature than some other blokes my age.
If it works it works regardkess of age

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 16:17

Ledkr that's exactly what he's like, he's more like my age than his own.

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abc1311 · 04/05/2015 16:56

Funny the double standards in Ledkr posts...

Here she says she is 'very happy' and has a normal life with a younger man - nevermind the bunch of children she had from someone else.

In another post she brags about the X treating his child with someone else to a decent party (probably organized by the mother) complete with a bouncy castle (that's not even expensive!!!) and how dare him when her chidren only get 20quid in a card... Jealous, much?

People who are happy do not envy others. If you can't afford to throw your children a big party what about trying to work to provide for them the life you think they deserve?

Ever heard the say 'don't have more kids than you can afford'?! Dragon

OP: is easy to make plans as a 2 piece. Bring strangers into the scenario change the dinamic of the relationship, big time!

Some women come as a package (a real single parent) and if the guy is crazy enough to embrace the madness all good BUT you are pretty much living a single life therefore can't expect him to take responsabiity for your past decisions/mistakes etc.

It may be convenient not to live with your children now but if disaster strikes and their father is no longer in the picture you will need to step up and take the full role as a parent. Do you honestly think life will be rainbows and lolipops if your offspring are to move in with you in let's say 6 monts time?! Sure that's a subject worth discussing before signing a 12+ month lease with somebody you known for short while?

Carii · 04/05/2015 16:57

So neither of you really know if you will want kids in the future anyway. It doesn't seem a big issue with him. You have two children already who live with their father. How important is it to you to have a baby that lives with you? Is it something you really want?

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 17:08

Excuse me abc?! Firstly ledkr's pseronal life has absolutely nothing to do with this post and I very much appreciate the advice she has given.
my dp has lived with ex's who have children so I very much doubt that that would be an issue. We are currently looking at 2 bed houses so I can share custody with ex h, which we have discussed and dp loves the idea of them staying with us throughout the week.
Carii I would love for my children to live with me but circumstance around when me and ex h broke up made that impossible, I'm in a better situation now to be able to have them live with me but they are very happy at their dads and I don't want to mess that up, I still see them everyday. A baby isn't important to me, I don't know how I'd feel in a few years but I was more worried about it from his perspective.

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Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 17:14

Should say 2 bed flats not houses, wish I could afford a two bed house haha!

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Carii · 04/05/2015 17:17

I have another question. Sorry. He is only 23 but has lived with other women who have children. He is very young to have lived with a few women already isn't he? My point being that the relationships didn't last for whatever reason. Is this not going too quickly? Do you know why his other relationships didn't work out?

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 17:21

I do know but that's his life and im not really comfortable putting his life on here. It was one woman a year or so before he met me and it was amicable that's it really, just didn't work out.
I don't think it is going too quickly, we've been together a year and a half. People move in together much sooner than that. We talked about it a lot before we decided that we wanted to. And as I said before ive been pretty much living with him since befofe Christmas, we know what each other's bad habits are haha.

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Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 17:29

Also when i was 23 I'd lived with 4 boyfriends and had been married for 3 years so I can't really judge haha.

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IggyStrop · 04/05/2015 17:39

abc That's really out of order, and not a little creepy, bringing Ledkr's other posts into this one. I don't even know where to begin with the "bunch of children" comment.

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 17:57

Her other posts have no relevance to my post at all, only what she posted on my post, I really don't understand your motive of posting all that on this thread :/

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Carii · 04/05/2015 18:23

Sorry, didn't really want to know why personally, just wondered if you knew. From everything you have posted Head you seem to know exactly what you are doing and why. I would just forget about kids with him for now and enjoy what you have. 6 years is nothing as others have said. If you were the same age you wouldn't be fretting would you? If I were you I would definitely go for it. Happiness and love are so important and if you have found it, then what are you waiting for. :)

hereandtherex · 04/05/2015 18:24

6 is nothing in this case.

The only thing that may be an issue is whether he wants kids sooner rather than later. Thats all.

AS you mentioned, I would be worried why your kids do not live you.

Carii · 04/05/2015 18:28

abc appears to have only made comments on 3 posts on MN and they are all dated today. Her other posts have been a bit odd also. Just saying.

Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 18:29

What do you mean hereandthere? Who would be worried about why my kids don't live with me?

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Original poster
Headdesk · 04/05/2015 18:29

carii I noticed that.

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