Can't sleep or get the thought out of my head - think he is having an affair

[Poshsausage]

..Well yes I could just need mental health treatment instead due to severe sleep deprivation but hey ho
Happy to be wrong

It's mentionitis which has pricked my ears up about a woman he has started to work with in the past 6m
Recently it's a lot more , not personal stuff really but it's the way he says her name , I know sounds stupid

He can't do enough for me lately , gushingly so , giving me cash also to treat myself , no reason , were pretty strapped at mo , no affection though quite suddenly
I've asked him about her as it's getting a bit much and his reaction is weird , brushing me off and suddenly having verbal diarrohea about random stuff
Child's car seat taken out of the car , seeing friends who suddenly have major problems and need him there , lots of time at the gym (no gym bag)
God this sounds ridiculous but then why is t bugging me now and I've been googling how to tell if your husbands cheating !! All night ! Just have this really sick feeling in my stomach
Argh can't put my finger on it but it's weird
Feel free to ignore me I'm probably going mad

I wouldn't, because then he can cover up his tracks.

Ask him outright out of the blue to see his phone in a couple if days. If he refuses- pack his bags.

Hide the phone and see if he starts frantically looking for something and not telling you.

I have all my old phones (including a Nokia 3310) buried in draws under clothes. I just can't be naffed to get rid. They are all flat.

But

I wouldn't notice if one moved and go looking apart from to say where's all my junk gone to DP.

Yes to keeping hold of the phone and seeing if he notices, it could just be an old one.

have you plugged it in to charger yet?

I would always listen to my gut reaction. I thought my DH was having an affair - it turned out not to be that but was something equally as bad and devastating for our family. However, my instinct was right something was seriously amiss.

The child seat thing really struck a chord with me. Reason been is that when me and my ex broke up I went on a date (was still living together but seperated). I remember doing the child seat thing! I didn't want to involve my children as early days so...

You could be wrong but your deffinately not mental to suspect given the circumstances!

Gut feelings arent wrong often ime.

I would probably install a keylogger on his laptop so you can get his email password (plus anything else eg dating site logins)

If you log into his email account successfully he won't know. If you try to log in and fail several times, he'll probably get an alert (depending on the type of email it is.)

Is this a work laptop? Does he have an ipad?

Hide that phone until you can get it charged, PoshSausage. Don't let on that you've found one. Give it to a friend to look after if you think that will help keep it safe.

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Agree with all the others saying trust your gut. I could explain some of the questions quite easily BUT I'm not him and my circumstances are entirely different so it really doesn't matter what anybody says - trust your gut. Find out what the status quo is and take it from there.

Yes watch his behaviour.

If he seems panicked, its because he has lost the phone. We do have a few old phones lying around, uncharged. We use ours for business, so always like spares we can use if we have broke one of our current ones. But, I know what phones dh used to have and our spares are all in one drawer.

If i found a random unknown phone, I would be suspicious.

I feel awful for you OP. I hope you are doing ok, as much as possible.

I'm sorry OP but Ithink your instinct is probably right that something is amiss with him.

I was reading the other day that almost all cheating men follow a 'script' and it is uncanny how different men show the same behaviours. I recognised a few of the warning signs in what you've said about his behaviour. Just google 'cheating the script'.

Oh I'm sorry Posh.
I think you need to sit with him and lay out each of these things. Tell him each of your suspicions. Ask if, and tell him this is the time to answer truthfully, he is seeing or has been seeing or would even want to be seeing someone else.
Even if you feel crazy you need to ask. Tell him there is no point in lying. Lying at this point will only make things worse as this always comes out in the end.
I think you will just know whether he's telling the truth. Good luck.

I'm an sorry, this doesn't look good at all. I hope it's a huge misunderstanding.

My hand is here to hold.

Hi all
Thank you for all your kind thoughtful replies
I'm not one to keep it in so I did ask and say what I thougjt and questioned everything ( except the phone I'll check that if I can )
No affair as such but he is not handling life too great and is struggling , friends suicidal thoughts have been his own it seems ,
I'll see how we go , should be ok , may need some help with some life events , god knows

He has never been one for mental Ill health or drama , he has always been the perfect friend and husband,
So hopefully all is well on the suspected front if not much else
!

I hope you are right. I do agree with the go with your gut so he has said a whole myriad of reasons why he is behaving strangely....

I don't see that as a whole myriad of problems. He is struggling and having suicidal thoughts.

OP, I am trying to be sensitive and don't want to make light of people with MH issues. But do you believe him? or do you think its the first thing that's popped into his head. Do you think he is telling the truth or trying to throw you into a spin and misdirect you? Are you both going to seek medical help for him? Will he agree to seek help for his suicidal thoughts?

What do you think? Where is he going when he goes to the gym, to help friends etc.

Why does he take the childs car seat out?

Are you ok? Did you get all the answers to questions you wanted answered? You must be reeling from hearing this.

Let's just say I'll be observing closely and keeping an open mind !
It was a predictable response in some ways and I can hear you all going script script ha ha

I remember knowing a long term ex was cheating as he suddenly wore a red t shirt !amd used a different term of endearment
I was right

My alerts are full on still and I'm fine xxx thanks all xxx

Just need to find a charger !!

Suicidal thoughts? Struggling to cope with life?

So what was the explanation for the taking out of the car seats?

And what was the explanation for the gym trips with no gym kit?

And what reason did he give for the female colleague mentionitis?

And if the 'friend' in distress he was having to spend so much time with doesn't actually exist and was in fact your H ... then where was he dashing off to and who was he spending his time with, when he was supposedly on his mercy missions?

And then of course there is the second phone?

................

Script.....definitely.

Where xan I read more of this script please !
Googled it but just comes up with books !

Trust your instincts

Colleague I brought up apparently is married with an 8m old baby ( same as me)
But that must mean she was at work when baby was 3m old !
I am not THAT shit at maths !
He has gone the other way he is usually well groomed but looks a mess and isn't being horrible at all quite the opposite
Instincts at the ready

All he did was try to throw you off the tracks.

He knows you're onto him.

Things to check: his mobile bill,
Going to the gym? Follow him there ten minutes after he leaves the house. See if his car is there.

Of course he will now be panicking at the thought of being caught.

Look on the woman's FB. Do you know her name? Search online.