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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My OCD Wife Is Wasting Away

64 replies

Mark21Rach20 · 30/04/2015 10:39

My wife is 25yo and has suffered with OCD since she was a kid. She's always been a "clean freak" but since our baby way born its got so bad i dont even know her anymore. The OCD makes her worry excessively about things that will never happen or are out of our control. As such this has escalated into depression as well. We dont have sex. There's no handholding, hugging or kissing as she says she feels embarressed. So for the past year or so its like living with my sister. Im not pushy with sex yet she says "im sorry im not giving you sex" which i hate hearing. I've told her "id rather do it because you wanted to, not because you think you have to". The last time we did have sex she started crying in the middle of it so we stopped. Turned out she didnt want to, so i felt really bad (i never would have if id known).

She gets up at 6:30am everyday to start cleaning. She'll polish, spray, wife, dust EVERYTHING - every surface, every object. She spends about 20 mins cleaning the bathroom after i use it (that includes bleach, bathroom spray, scrubbing the tub/shower) even though i clean it after i use it until i cant see anything to be wiped/cleaned.
I used to do all the cooking when i got home from work but now she insists on doing it because she likes to know where any dirt or food has been so she can clean as she cooks. After dinner only she can do washing up so she knows everything is clean.
Literally - if she's not sat down with the baby she's cleaning. No lie. Thats ALL DAY. She doest at least 3 hoovers of the house everyday. Wether it needs it or not.

She doesnt eat breakfast, usually doesnt eat lunch and only eats in the evening. She's gone really thin like a skeleton and her face is pale and gaunt.

The OCD is towards oue 1yo daughter too. She has her face moisturised about 6 times a day. If she puts her hands to her mouth my wife moves them away quickly "in case she gets her chin wet or dirty" - whenever i mention that our daughter NEEDS to do this and its normal development it escalated to a row and im accused of saying she's not a good mum. If our daughter rubs her eyes her hand is batted away. As such our daughter has no idea how to feed herself. You give her food and she just holds it. So i think its effected her. When its just me and baby (which is very rare) its easy, i let her explore with her hands, play, touch and drool till her hearts content - then do a clean up before my wife comes back.

What im looking for is any help or advice from other women who can relate to this. She wont see Dr, last time we went seeking any medication that could help wit her OCD and our Dr said "they're not smarties, try some self help books".

Can anyone relate to how she feelds? Im trying my very best to support her but its getting worse every day.

OP posts:
yourdayistoday · 30/04/2015 11:56

OP I really wanted to reply to your post because I have been in the situation that your wife is in. I am a similar age to her. She sounds like she has this a bit worse than I did overall, but in its heights, I was doing the same things.

I want you to know that this can be fixed, and that, as a suffer, it is one of the worst things in the world to go through. As I have not been on the receiving end of it, I can only imagine how hard it is for you - I am not writing this post as a way to disregard your feelings at all. I think you are doing an incredible job by sticking by your wife and being patient, loving and by the sounds of it, very supportive. It is amazing reading what you are going through and seeing that you've come here for support - you're not just running away.

It sounds like your wife's problem has increased since the baby was born? Would you say that is true? As a suffer, I can honestly say that for me, on some level, I knew what I was doing was not normal and I deeply wanted to change, I really did. And, most importantly, I got so stuck in a routine that I felt like I HAD to do these things,

The best way it was described to me was like this: You get in a routine of doing something becasuse you believe you can prevent something happening if you do. Fior instance, your wife is stopping your daughter putting her hands in her mouth/rubbing her eyes because she feels like she is protecting her baby from something bad. She has done this every time your baby tries to do it. So in her mind, she thinks she is controlling the situation and protecting her baby. Now, imagine askign her not to do that? In her mind, she will think that something COULD happen, because she is so used to being so protective. She might know on some level that it is ridiculous/unlikely, but to her she will be thinking 'why take the chance?'

It is an awful, awul, awful thing to go through and must be equally, if not more awful for you to experience. I do not agree with the above post from princessdeb - if you love this woman then do not give up on her. She is not being malicious or nasty and really really needs your help right now. You will get through it.

Things that helped me:

  • My partner talking things through with me. Ie asking outright, what do you think would happen to baby if we let her rub her eyes and didn't do anything about it? Let her discuss the problem. This only works if your wife is willing to talk, and you need to be HUGELY understanding her and not get angry or dismissive of he worry.
  • A big things that helped me (and still does when I have a wobble), is to compare the situation to someone else. Could you tell her how many babies DO tough their eyes and nothing happens? Talk about this in a rational way, lighthearted almost.
  • Print off things from the internet about babies development and why it's GOOD for the baby to tough her eyes, face, mouth. Ie. I am sure there is information about babies building up tolerance to illness etc by exploring and not being fully cleansed...essentially any kind of official advice that may give your wife reason to do the opposite of what she is doing. The ultimate thing in your wife's mind is safety, cleanliness, protection. Show her that there is a BETTER way to do this - you ar enot asking he rnot to clean or not to protect, but showing her a way that is more effective. In my experience this has helped me a lot. An example I have is use of bleach. Bleach cleans. I used to clean the bath many times over. I don't anymore, because I learnt that it can cause fungal infections/rash etc if too much is mixed with ater and it remains in the bath. I don't want to take that chance, so I stopped using it.

Your wife's worries will be based on the idea that she thinks she has found the BEST way to clean and therefore ensure everythingis ok with her family and her home. Because she is so used to doing it, she will be terrified to stop. It's horrible. The most effective way for me was talking about the problem - why I was worried abotu one specific thing, then finding an alternative way to deal with it, a compromise almost. My partner would slowly find a new solution to my worry - it wouldn't be compeltely 'normal' but it would toneit down. Ie with the bleach in the bath. He would talk about it alot and give exaples in the past of when his housemates hadnt cleaned the bath once at uni and everything was fine (he wouldnt dismiss my worries, but he would give an extreme version of something and agree that it was extreme - so be on my side - but also show me that things were still ok).

Is there anythign that makes your wife more relaxed? What about a change of scenery over the weekend?

I don't know if any of this makes sense or helps, I am on a time contraint here, but when I read your post I wanted to reply as I really, really feel for you. If you want to message me, please do. Things CAN get better. xx

Clarella · 30/04/2015 11:57

She needs reassurance that seeking help will not lead to social services etc, which pandas might reassure about.

I'm a member of my local group and find them very supportive - other mums who've had pnd and are struggling but also supporting one another. Not one has had baby taken away, two have bipolar disorder and another has bpd. The vast majority are anxious and have different fears and ways of expressing those fears.

I've actually had the thyroid issues though initially they thought depression.

pocketsaviour · 30/04/2015 11:59

Good luck with the appointment OP, the situation sounds heartbreaking Flowers

I would strongly consider putting in a complaint about the original GP you saw. So Angry that anyone in a so-called caring profession would say that. I wonder how many more people have gone to them for help and been insulted and belittled?

pocketsaviour · 30/04/2015 12:01

Amazing post from yourday Star

TummyButtonFluff · 30/04/2015 12:04

Good luck OP. That sounds very upsetting for you all. I'm glad you've decided to do something for her.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 30/04/2015 12:06

It's really common for women with depression not to seek help out of a fear that the baby will be taken away. They really won't take your baby away from you.

If I were you I would sit her down, hold her hand and say, "we need to get you some help, I'm really worried. I'm going to make an appointment with the GP. I'll be with you every step of the way. If you don't want to go, I'm going to go alone and talk to them about everything that's happening. It scares me so much when you say things about not being here. We love and need you. No one will take our baby away. We're going to get help."

If there's no other choice of GP, then does she have a good health visitor? They can be amazing support too.

It's such a sad situation. You can't all go on like this. Your dw can be well again. Good luck.

yourdayistoday · 30/04/2015 12:06

Also, just wanted to add that under no circumstances should you feel bad about he sex incident!!

I just had a qucik read of the other posts and I also had VERY low opinion of myself and felt like I didn't deserve to be happy .This is all tied up in the OCD and is a vicious circle and it makes you even more scared to step from the comfort zone that OCD provides to suffers.

I really reccomend talking about each individual worry and taking an interest in understanding what it is that is making her feel so scared. Talk calmly and genuinely try to get into her mindset. Take on the worry as if it was your own and then talk it through. Remind her about happy days and paint her a picture (not literally!) of what an ideal day would be to you...the three of you going out, doing something she enjoyed. Tell her that's what you want to try and work towards and that it can be better. Tell her she deserves to be happy and she's a great mum and this isn't enjoying life as a family. Be calm at all times. I feel for you so, so much, but please remember it can be fixed! x

Quitelikely · 30/04/2015 12:07

Do not put up with this behaviour for a moment longer.

Your wife is seriously mentally ill and needs treatment. She NEEDS to take responsibility for her behaviour.

You must contact the GP and after you have told him everything ask maybe if he can do a home visit to your wife.

And so what that you mentioned sex. female posters mention their sex lives on here all the time, What paragraph in their post has never been mentioned before.

Quitelikely · 30/04/2015 12:08

If not the GP the health visitor.

Momagain1 · 30/04/2015 12:08

She was on medication before? When she was a teen? Are her parents aware of the current situation? The Health Visitor? You need to get her to another doctor as soon as possible.

I am sorry, so sorry the Doctor didnt take this seriously when she saw him before, i think anyone on the street you asked would have immediately considered Post Natal Depression and expected she would get more than being told 'go read a book'! But she has a HISTOry of MH issues treated with medication and the docotr was so dismissive is criminal. She should have had MH support as part of her pregnancy care!

RubyMay82 · 30/04/2015 12:11

I'm gobsmacked someone would suggest leaving someone vulnerable & taking the child.
Unless there is real risk to the child which there isn't would that not be a huge over reaction & tip the poor lady over the edge?

Get back to the DRs as all help & services start with the GP,

Hope things ease off for you soon, it's extremely difficult living with someone with mental health issues let alone adding a wee toot to the mix.

sminkypinky · 30/04/2015 12:18

Mark21Rach20 the thoughts you mentioned about her feeling like it would be better if she wasn't here are definitely something I experienced, I still do to be honest, but nowhere near as severely as I did (I'm about 5 weeks into therapy now). I also felt like I didn't love my baby and that I was stupid to think I was good enough to be a parent. The worst feeling for me is that of feeling trapped, like life will always be bad and I will always feel terrible. All these are symptoms of PND and therapy can help.

I was very worried about social services being involved, or having the baby taken away, my therapist assured me that the baby won't be taken from me for having depression and ss would only become involved if there was a risk of harm to the baby which there isn't. Even though I've been VERY low, not eating for entire days at a time, not leaving the bedroom for 24 hours because there wasn't a point etc there has never been a point where my therapist questioned how I cared for my baby or thought she needed to involve ss.

sminkypinky · 30/04/2015 12:18

Mark21Rach20 the thoughts you mentioned about her feeling like it would be better if she wasn't here are definitely something I experienced, I still do to be honest, but nowhere near as severely as I did (I'm about 5 weeks into therapy now). I also felt like I didn't love my baby and that I was stupid to think I was good enough to be a parent. The worst feeling for me is that of feeling trapped, like life will always be bad and I will always feel terrible. All these are symptoms of PND and therapy can help.

I was very worried about social services being involved, or having the baby taken away, my therapist assured me that the baby won't be taken from me for having depression and ss would only become involved if there was a risk of harm to the baby which there isn't. Even though I've been VERY low, not eating for entire days at a time, not leaving the bedroom for 24 hours because there wasn't a point etc there has never been a point where my therapist questioned how I cared for my baby or thought she needed to involve ss.

meringue33 · 30/04/2015 12:19

An OCD first onset or relapse is very common after the birth of a child.

Your wife needs urgent medical help and I agree to go back to another GP and keep arguing until you get a referral.

Are you in the UK? I was able to access gradual exposure therapy (a type of CBT) very quickly through IAPT (the Improved Access to Psychological Therapies programme) on the NHS. If your baby is under one your wife will be fast tracked.

It is highly unlikely your baby will be taken away, especially if it is only one parent who is affected and you are able to provide stable parenting.

Good luck. I found CBT highly effective.

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 30/04/2015 12:19

My husband has ocd and low latent inhibition, could you ask if she would see another doctor, please? With out his medication we would not have a relationship. He got himself off them but of he gets stressed or goes through trauma he needs his medication and when he is suffering and doesn't have them he's insufferable!
I'm a stay at home mum and I spend all day every day cleaning, on the odd day I don't clean I worry that when he comes home he will start manically cleaning, tidying and ignore everyone around him.
No they aren't smarties, but that doctor sounds useless.
I don't know how she feels but I know how you feel, you have my sympathy!

Princessdeb · 30/04/2015 14:09

Yourday
I was not suggesting that the OP gives up on his wife. I was saying that if she genuinely is unable or unwilling to seek help then he has to make the best decision for his DD. I spent years trying every strategy possible to get my husband to seek help. I supported, empathised, cajoled, ignored, pleaded. I changed my behaviour to try and make things easier for him. It was not until it started to have a negative effect on our daughter that I realised nothing I did would make a difference until he was ready to accept that he needed help. Asking him to leave was the hardest thing I have ever done but it was the right thing. He was unable to see that he was risking losing his family because of his behaviour until it hit him square in the face. As harsh as it sounds while your wife is ill she does have a choice about her actions. Not an easy choice at all, incredibly difficult in fact but a choice none the less. She can choose to get some help. If she won't then the needs of your daughter must come first. I asked my husband to leave because I loved him but I had to put the needs of my DD first. It worked out well for me and we are together and happier. I am not in any way promising it would work for you but I do think you need to decide where your line in the sand is. How long can it continue, how bad can it get before it is too much. Good luck.

AuntyMag10 · 30/04/2015 15:00

Sorry op seems like it is effectively all of you. The doctor has been very unprofessional but your dw cannot sit back and expect you and your dd to just live with it. She has a responsibility to your dd to be a good mother but she isn't at the moment and have already started a damaging route for her. I think it's time to have a serious chat with her, she needs to get help or you leave with your dd. the child living with her mother being so ill and not wanting to seek help, is not in her best interests.

Clarella · 30/04/2015 15:33

Op id heartily recommend looking at the pandas website together, then deciding what route might be best; either seeing if a perinatal referral could be a good option as encompasses postnatal issues specifically or getting a good and serious response from a decent gp. Again, it might be worth ruling out thyroid disease as she's displaying lots of energy and anxiety linked to hyperthyroidism, though I really don't think it's more than extreme OCD triggered by the birth.

The poster below (can't remember who) who wrote about her own experiences really hit the nail on the head, including the gps who have posted too.

She's likely to need both medication and CBT, if breastfeeding sertraline is very safe and I looked at beta blockers too. The breastfeeding network website has lots of uptodate info on medicines and bf, and lactmed online is a good resource too.

Clarella · 30/04/2015 15:33

You will get through this, please seek help for your own feelings too x

BarbarianMum · 30/04/2015 15:45

Ultimately, the OP's first priority must be his dd's well-being. This would undoubtedly be best served by supporting his wife access some help for her condition. She sounds very ill. But if she won't then, ultimately, she cannot be allowed to care for her dd full-time - it is already damaging, can you imagine what will happen when the little girl wants to move and explore.

CaptainZoot · 30/04/2015 15:57

Hi OP, sorry to hear about your wife, it does sound like she has a disordered eating pattern. I suffered with anorexia and compulsive thoughts as a teen and again in my early 20s.

I'm a psychologist so I follow some of the literature around OCD and other disorders, recent studies have shown a possible dietary link to OCD behaviours and thoughts patterns.

An eating disorder is a very serious condition and a sufferer can deteriorate very quickly. It seems like you care about your wife a lot and you want to help her. Please get her to see a GP. An antidepressant can be lifesaving in these situations.

A book that has really helped me is Gut and Psychology syndrome by Natasha Campbell McBride. She talks about the link between the gut and various neurological disorders. Her book has an entire chapter on eating disorders including some supplements that can be very beneficial for eating disordered people.

Without adequate nutrition your wife will not get better. I really hope you can find her the help she needs.

All the best.

bertsdinner · 30/04/2015 21:55

Self help books in OCD can be very helpful. I've had OCD since I was a child and when you are in the grip of it it can be all consuming and very powerful. At times I have felt as if I was actually going insane. I have health anxiety/OCD and it basically took over my life, I tried a self help CBT book (by Rob Wilson) and it helped a lot. A Lot of CBT techniques are quite simple and I found it made my obsessions more manageable. I hope your wife does get help to manage her OCD, I don't think a lot of people realise just how overwhelming and powerful it can be. I found the comments by CaptainZoot on eating disorders interesting, at times I have fixated on dieting/eating obsessions and I think the OCD is a driving force in this. I wish you all the best.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 30/04/2015 22:15

You absolutely need to go and get help for your wife, because bless her, she just won't be able to see the situation from the outside. It sounds like she has PND which is now making her OCD and possibly eating disorder worse, as well as affecting your child. You need to reassure her that getting help is the right thing to do- go to a different GP (and a third one if that one is crap), or ring the MH team or the health visitor or all of them (could you call the health visitor yourself and chat to them?) It will be frightening for her, but it is becoming very destructive for all of you to remain in her secret and unhealthy world. I hope it goes ok for you, you sound a lovely caring partner and it's so hard watching the one you love go through this, but you do, for your child's sake, need to get the fresh air of outside support in and not try to deal with this by yourself.

cremeeggsdidrock · 01/05/2015 09:39

Morning OP!
Just read post, hoping you managed to get a docs appointment? you sound very caring keep us posted on how things go Flowers

Trooperslane · 01/05/2015 09:42

I agree with slice - v harsh Lweji.

Op, no words of wisdom but I hope she gets better soon. Sounds horrifically hard.

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