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Original poster

Sister trying to be a snob

32 replies

sisterssister · 06/11/2006 13:12

We come from a very working class background with old fashioned beliefs (such as "straight into work from school" and "a womans job is in the home and the man earns the money").
None of our family members have much money and we come from a big family... we have 6 aunts and uncles and only 1 of them has a professional career (nurse) and only one of them owns their own house (and thats only because the man she married already had it).

Anyway our mum was never the type to encourage us with anything, she expected us to get a job straight after school and she has never really worked her self so you can see we're really not from a "well to do" family!

My sister was pregnant by the time she was 18, her boyfriend left her a couple of years ago and she now lives in a council house in a rough area with 2 kids - not exactly out of the ordinary for our family so nobody really cared.

Anyway since her boyfriend left she has become such a snob, her children can only wear the best clothes from the best shops (no sports clothes as they're "common"), they can only eat the right food...no "junk food", she is obsessed with their homework and reading books and uniforms have to be spotless before they're allowed out of the front door. She has also started looking down on those around her refering to the kids in her area as "pikey" and her kids are just "too good" to play with them (her words!). She refers to the families around her as "dregs of society" and constantly moans about the "brats" at her kids school who dare to turn up to school with something on their sweaters or non-polished shoes! (it's a council estate school so this more or less includes all of them!).

She told me she is going to get a job first thing next year and move to a better area asap to get her children away from the "bad influences" and "pikey families" and get them in a "normal" school (by this she means a posh one) with kids that are "More like her's".

She used to only keep this kind of talk to me but she's started saying it to everyone now, she won't talk to anyone who lives near her and she won't talk to anyone at the kids' school so she has no real friends and since she started all this silly talk the family have been ripping the piss out of her and her big ideas.

A single mum on benefits on a council estate looking down on others who are just in the same situation as she is.

Why is she doing this? I don't like everyone taking the mick but she makes herself sound ridiculous.

OP posts:

theUrbanDryad · 06/11/2006 13:19

i don't think it's unreasonable to want your kids to look nice before they go to school. or to want them to read well or do their homework! just because she lives on a council estate does not mean she will always have to live there and i think maybe a little bit of encouragement to better herself would not go amiss.

however, she will soon find she has not got many friends left if she keeps slagging off the people around her, not to mention the fact that her kids may come in for bullying at school if she keeps up with this very vocal attitude. it might be worth reminding her that (just like her) people around her might be wanting to better themselves too.

hope this helps.

WelshBoris · 06/11/2006 13:21

Not agreeing with your sister but who gives a flying fuck if she is a single mother on benefits in a council estate?

Yes shes going about it the wrong way but it doesnt mean she doesnt want the best for her kids

If anyones the snob its you

HappyDaddy · 06/11/2006 13:27

Doesn't everyone want the best for their children and family? It's a shame that her family are now rounding on her for wanting to better herself and not stay in the same crap state, she's found herself in.

I agree with WelshBoris. Sorry WB.

WelshBoris · 06/11/2006 13:29

Dont be sorry, you should be used to it by now

Original poster

sisterssister · 06/11/2006 13:30

Don't get me wrong she does do well with the kids but she seems to think she's better than everyone else and she's bringing the kids up to think they're better than everyone else too. She did go to college last year and has got the qualifications she wanted for the job she wants so she is trying but she's so stuck up about it.

OP posts:

WelshBoris · 06/11/2006 13:30

Congratulate her for going to college

Shes your sister not your enemy

NothingButAttitudeOnMN · 06/11/2006 13:31

Maybe she just wants her children to have a different life so she is trying to break the cycle that the resy of yourt family have got into.

OK so slagging people off doesn't help the situation but good on her for fighting to change a life she isn't happy with.

Carmenere · 06/11/2006 13:32

The chances are that someone in your family at some stage was going to aspire to 'better' themselves and at least she is willing to work to do it. Agree that she is not going to have many friends eft if she voices her opinions loudly though.

Carmenere · 06/11/2006 13:34

So she has two children on her own and she has managed to go to college and wants to get a job to move to a nicer area and so her kids can go to better schools and have a better future. How irritating.

foxtrot · 06/11/2006 13:35

sistersister i am just curious - have you moved away from the 'working class background' you describe, yourself?

Miaou · 06/11/2006 13:35

hmmm, agree with welshboris and HD here - I think you are suffering from "reversed snobbery" here sistersister.

I think you are right to be concerned about the fact that she is alienating herself from her family and friends by her outspokenness. I think you are totally unfair to criticise her for having strong, positive beliefs that will influence their life chances in the future.

HappyDaddy · 06/11/2006 13:35

Maybe she's just not happy being one of many who put up with their lot and don't get delusions of grandeur. It's not the 1930s anymore, if you want to do better you can.

Good on her. Maybe she could go about it in a different way, but the rest of your family are just as snobby about being the way they are, guv'nor.

lemonaid · 06/11/2006 13:37

Do the other families in the area share your apparent belief that feeding her children decent food, dressing them well and in clean clothes and encouraging them to work hard at school is all "snobbish" behaviour? If so then I can see why she wants to move...

What I mean is, at first sight her comments about her kids being "too good" for the others or other families being "bad influences" sound distinctly out of order, but if she's continually running up against the attitude that by trying to feed, clothe and educate herself and her children as well as she can she's being a snob then I can quite see how she could end up seriously hacked off with the people around her.

WigWamBam · 06/11/2006 13:38

Good for your sister for wanting something better for herself and her children. Good for her for wanting them to look nice and do well at school. Shame on you and your family for "ripping the piss" out of her efforts and for slagging her off for it.

She's not being snobbish to want more for her children than she had. I agree with Boris - the snobbery here is yours.

Carmenere · 06/11/2006 13:42

Have you changed your name for this thread or are you brand new today? You must have had a pretty good education yourself as your post is very well written

FioFio · 06/11/2006 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FioFio · 06/11/2006 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Quootiepie · 06/11/2006 13:54

On the one hand, theres nothing wrong with taking rpide in your childs appearance etc. Just because you live on a council estate, doesnt mean you have to conform to the stereotype,

On the other hand, theres nothing classy about slagging others off... I find that common. I would take your sister aside and have a word with her about her attitudes towards other people - I think maybe she thinks shes trying to distance herself from the stereotype abit too much. Maybe she doesnt realise shes really doing it. My mum can be a supersnob, I just have to calmly tell her shes not being "upper class" or whatever being a snob about things, shes just being a snob. My aunt is a millionare, but you wouldnt think it because she is not a snob about money, or other people - thats what I find classy about her. Honestly, take her to one side... it'll be hard, but, shes looking a wally ATM.

nutcracker · 06/11/2006 14:00

Good for your sister I think.

I am a single mum of 3 who lives on a council estate. I don't let my kids socialise with the majority of the kids that live on here as most of them are awful. I bring my kids up properly and make sure they are well dressed (although don't buy designer stuff).
Since i have become a single mum, making sure the kids look neat and tidy is even more important to me.

Sorry but I think your the one with the problem not your sister, she is trying to do the best for herself and he kids and she should be congratulated on that.

Callisto · 06/11/2006 14:12

If this is for real I do feel sorry for your sister. Trying to better herself and give her children a better start in life and all she gets is her family being completely unsupportive.

I actually think the OP is making fun of us here. Nobody says things like "her and her big ideas" anymore.

jalopy · 06/11/2006 14:15

I found the original post very depressing. Well done to your sister for finding the inner strength to break the cycle and improve her life.
Tell about Mumsnet. There are lots of snobs here, she'll feel right at home.

VoluptuaGoodshag · 06/11/2006 14:21

I come from a council estate but back then it was the norm for most council estate people to do best for their kids, feed them properly, cloth them as best they could and want what's best for them. Yes it is bad to openly slag others round you but from what I can see of some places these days, there is a huge underculture of people who don't give a damn anymore, and if there are swarms of them in the estate your sister lives in, even if it wasn't a council estate, then who can blame her for wanting to get on in life.

Judy1234 · 06/11/2006 16:18

Obviously if she encourages her sister and others to feed their children good food that is all to the good. Perhaps you can all learn from her but the snobbish bit is not good. It seems to be the one area we permit - not allowed to say we hate X because they're black or female or disabled but allowed to say we do because they're chavs which is just as discriminatory. If she goes around criticising others to their face it just reflects badly on her.

Nothing wrong with big ideas. If you all learn from her and encourage your children into good professional careers surely that's not wrong? It's very interesting. At my mother's funeral were some of her family I had not met. She had 52 first cousins and she moved apart, became a teacher was very very clever indeed, married a doctor and we didn't see her relatives. In one genreation the gulf between us and them was absolutely huge which is good - it shows what a socially mobiile society the UK still can be.

misdee · 06/11/2006 16:26

Also on a large council estate fortunatly i am on the OAP stretch. over the road is a new build estate. i have friends over there who revelled in their lovely new houses, but some of the other neighbours kids are totally out of control and my friends want out of that area. heck ,i want out of this area. kids wear good clothes, also spick and span, eat good food etc. doesnt make me a snob. but if i went and slagged off anyone round here then the place would get egged.

lulumama · 06/11/2006 16:29

the slagging off aspect of it is not great...but her aspiring to a better life for herslef and her kids against a background of no-one in your family aspiring to anything is admirable IMO......what is wrong with having neatly dressed kids , who hand their homework in and eat five - a - day?

would you not be on here complaining if they were dirty & scruffy, living on junk and never doing their homework..and saying she is not an adequate mother or role model......

she might alienate people with her calling 'pikeys' etc...but at the end of the day she is endeavoring to do the best for her kids...and who of us can say we don;t want to do the same?

do you agree with your family's 'old fashioned' beliefs ? or is a part of you perhaps jealous you are not making the break like she is?

sorry if it isn;t what you expected to hear....

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