What more can i do? Is this my life?

[cattygirl1]

I have posted before so sorry for going through all this again! I am at the end of my tether and mentally drained with my Husband.

He smokes a lot of cannabis and is now most of the times so moody but he is like a yoyo and very, very up and down as in can go from hardly speaking to normal and chirpy in the space of 5 mins. I never know where I stand.

Example of week so far, moody all Sunday, fine Monday, moody and hardly spoke at all today so far, who knows what tomorrow brings.

We hardly interact with each other any more and don't share a bed, partly because im such a crap sleeper and because he is stoned and drinking is always snoring/jerking. The other part no longer wants to share the bed anymore.

We also have a child and I am extremely concerned she will think this is normal.

Why can I be so scared to end this shit? There is a part of me that feels so sad for what we have become.

How would you like your DC to grow up, OP? Because here are the things you can expect your DC to suffer if you don't remove yourselves from this total loser.

Some of The Characteristics of Adult Children of Addicts

1. Depression: Unexpressed and unfelt emotion can lead to a hypoactive internal world.
2. Anxiety: Unregulated or unidentified pain can cause hyperactive, agitated or anxious defence against feeling internal pain.
3. Emotional Constriction: Numbness and signs of shutting down as a defence against overwhelming pain; restricted range of “affect” or lack of authentic expression of emotion.
4. Hypervigilance: Anxiety, waiting for the other shoe to drop – constantly scanning environment and relationships for signs of potential danger or repeated rupture.
5. Easily Triggered and hyper-reactive: Associations of trauma, e.g., yelling, loud noises, criticism, or gunfire, trigger a person into shutting down, acting out or intense emotional states. This may be accompanied by changes in eye expression, physical posture or feeling humiliated.
6. Development of Rigid Psychological Defences: Dissociation, denial, splitting, repression, minimization, intellectualization, projection, or developing a rather impenetrable “character armor”.
7. Problems with Self Regulation: The deregulated limbic system can manifest in problems with regulating many areas of the “self-system,” such as thinking, feeling and behavior. The tendency to emotionally go from 0 to 10 or 10 to 0 without intermediate stages, black and white thinking, feeling and behavior, or no recognition of shades of gray as a result of trauma’s “numbing” or “hi-affect” influences.
8. Learned Helplessness: The feeling that they can’t affect or change what’s happening to them. They give up and become “helpless”.
9. Distorted Reasoning: Convoluted attempts to make sense and meaning out of chaotic, confusing, frightening or painful experiences. Interpreting an event with a “magical” childhood meaning due to the developmental level a child is at when painful or confusing circumstances occur.

10. Loss of Trust and Faith: Due to deep ruptures in primary, dependency relationships and breakdown of an orderly world. 11. Loss of Ability to Take in Caring and Support: Due to trauma’s inherent numbness and shutdown along with fears of trusting and being let down all over again. 12. High Risk Behaviors: Speeding, sexual acting out, spending, fighting or other behaviors done in a way that puts one at risk. Misguided attempts to jump start a “numb” inner world or act out pain from an intense pain filled inner world. 13. Desire to Self-Medicate: Attempts to quiet and control a turbulent, troubled inner world through the use of drugs and alcohol or behavioral addictions (Dayton, 2000; van der Kolk, 1987; Krystal 1968). 14. Survival Guilt: From witnessing abuse and trauma and surviving, or from “getting out” of an unhealthy family system while others remain mired within it. 15. Cycles of Reenactment: Unconscious repetition of pain-filled dynamics, the continual recreation of dysfunctional dynamics from the past. 16. Relationship Issues: Difficulty in being present in a balanced manner; a tendency to over or under engage, explode or withdraw or be emotionally hot and cold. Problems with trusting, staying engaged, or taking in love and caring from others.

Please, reach out to your family for help. Ovary up and do it for your DC.

OP, do you think your friends are family are stupid ?

They have eyes and ears of their own and you would be surprised at how much they are silently taking in. Once you start talking to people and telling them the truth of the matter then you will start to get them saying stuff like "we didn't know how to broach his behaviour with you because you seemed so happy" etc

start talking, stop pretending

have you seen this thread

that's you, that is

to everybody taking the time and making the effort to post on catty's thread.

I cannot think of single further thing to say .

Stop posting and take some RL action.

It might be that by posting catty will work round to action.

It does take time Pacific, sometimes years - I know it did me

I know

Like I said, I think all posters deserve