At what point did you share finances in a relationship?

[justonemoretime2p]

At what point did you share money and equity?
From dating to marriage do you expect to share finances? Savings? Property equity?

No DC but share property that is owned by 1 partner, if all of the property is owned by 1 person before the relationship.
Do you share property? Does that happen when you are married or before?
I'm really sorry if I'm not being clear.

Legally it happens with property when you put their name on the deeds, and then only in equal shares if you set it up that way.

We have been on shared finances since DP moved in.

When we moved in together. Changed house to joint names and moved to a joint bank account.

We set up a joint account when we moved in together and each paid into it from our own accounts. That lasted a couple of years and then we bought our first house and closed our individual accounts. Everything was 50-50 since then even though we didn't get married for quite a few years.

We've never had a joint account, I don't want one and having read all the horror stories on MN of spouses emptying them I'm glad we haven't!

In our case, I moved in with DH who was on an apprenticeship wage. I'd just relocated back home after finishing my temp contract 250 miles away.

I quickly found work in a factory and did 60 hour weeks every week to keep us afloat and make up the shortfall in rent when the lodgers left.

We were open about earnings from the start and have always ensured that we had equal disposable income from the start as we don't accept employers valuations as being a true reflection of how much we value each other.

So that's the way it's always been, equal claim on household disposable income over the 22 years we've been together because we see the other as of equal value.

Oh, and always separate accounts!

When we moved in together we opened a joint account in addition to our personal accounts and each paid 80% of Salary into that account, which then paid for all household costs including savings to a joint savings account.

When we bought our 1st house we pooled our individual savings and increased the contributions into the joint account to 90%.

When we married we moved to a single joint account.

We have always had individual accounts that we regard as joint, eg ISA's that have to be on one name, or for reasons of tax/account bonus etc and Credit Cards can only have a single primary cardholder who is actually responsible for the debt. These change over time.

This worked well for us, possibly because we both has similar levels of income and assets in the years before marriage and by the time children arrived and part time/sahm created a big income disparity we considered it all 'family' money. We've also been open and trusting in our communication, I can not understand situations where one partner does not even know how much the other partner earns. We also have generally compatible approaches to spending money, eg one of us is not spending a lot more than the other, although I sometimes wish I could spend a little more freely and now that my wife is a sahm I know she feels a little guilty about spending money on herself (which I tell her frequently not to feel guilty about).

one potential minor issue is difficulty purchasing surprise items for the other, but we have generally found ways round this.

If our relationship broke down in confrontational way then we could both cause issues for each other, we did not fully combine our finances until we had married so that we had some legal protection in any case.

We set up joint finances when I became a SAHM. We had been married for a year when DS1 was born but we didn't own a house yet so had been using our own accounts and sharing rent, bills etc. Once my income stopped, we set up joint accounts etc so that I could access our money. It was all then already set up when we bought our house the following year.

Separate accounts until married so we just went 50/50 on the bills and took turns food shopping. Marriage and the house came within a month of each other so we switched to one joint account then as made sense and we have both always worked so not just one paying in.

I'd never combine finances unless married, less messy to sort out if things don't work out. A joint account can still be held for bills if needed where both pay into.

When we moved in together we had separate accounts but shared expenses.

Not married, but everything "owned" separately. Own car, own phones, own properties, own spending, own bank accounts. Shared food and day-to-day living expenses.

I could not imagine taking money from an account that wasn't exclusively mine. But then I live with a tightarse.

We gradually joined finances from moving in together and when we bought a house it was in joint names.
Not completely joint finances but as good as and we view money as "our money"

When DW (then DF) moved in she paid the difference between single person council tax and normal council tax and did half the food shopping and paid half the petrol. I owned my house pretty much outright and didn't want to lose that, and I could afford to cover the costs on my own. So this protected me and meant that she earnt money very quickly for a deposit if she needed it

When we married, we opened a joint account fairly quickly and then we bought a new house after selling mine which is a joint mortgage and jointly on the deeds. We currently pay the mortgage and joint expenses from the joint account and plan to move an equal amount to our own accounts every month as our own personal spending money which means we can buy surprise presents and things. We don't yet have proper joint savings, but we keep meaning to sort it out (not been married a year yet, and the house has been demanding)

For the first 8.5 years of our relationship (6.5 dating and 2 married) we earned almost exactly the same because we met at work and were at a similar level. So although we had separate finances (apart from jointly buying a house when we'd been together 5 years), it was almost the same as having shared finances because our budgets were similar and we share a similar outlook to money (we're both natural savers).

Then we started a family. Since then, I've been earning a lot less (first as a SAHM and now working part time in a lower paid job) and our money is completely shared. We still have separate current accounts but we have equal access to the 'pot'.

We don't have a joint account. Might set one up and pay a portion of our earnings into it for household stuff but keep our own primary accounts.

Property - when we married and bought a place.

We split everything 50:50 as we earn roughly equal amounts. If that changed we'd change the proportions.

We don't keep tabs on things like whose turn it is to pay for dinner/supermarket shop etc, it seems to work out roughly equal.

In all honesty, do what works for you - the key is that you both feel equal and you're both protected in case the worst happend

I sometimes wish I could spend a little more freely and now that my wife is a sahm I know she feels a little guilty about spending money on herself

We've never had this issue by keeping separate current accounts which disposable household income is divided equally into.

My DH spends more on a mo they basis (likes his newer car and clothes etc) whereas I spend less each month but then spend on bigger purchases.

We have no need to justify our spending to ourselves or the other person. It's a nice stress free way to manage what's fair and deserved

We still have separate accounts as well as one joint account (I have about 4 current accounts, I like not relying on just one bank). We shared finances 'in spirit' once we got married and moved in together (did both around the same time), although it took a while to sort out the joint account. We had been together for five years by then. We don't pool all our income in the same account, but regarding our finances as shared meant we didn't consider our income as individuals, didn't keep tabs on who paid for what, or owe each other anything. Everything was 'ours' once we got married.

Joysmum, that's fine if it works for you and you're both happy. For us, when I gave up work and spent 8 yrs as a sahm then there was no way we could have separate accounts. It just doesn't work if one of you sah with young children for a period if time.
Even though I'm back at work now, our lifestyle isn't sustainable on just my salary so I need access to joint funds to pay for stuff like tennis lessons and piano and constant petrol and various day to day things when DH is often out the country.
We have 4 children who cost a lot of money.
I just don't know how it would work with do much to pay out. For us, why go to the trouble of DH transferring money to my account when I can just access out joint funds. I'm back at work now but I would never have agreed to be a sahm unless finances were joint. So many threads on here with women struggling as they have used their savings etc when on mag leave and the partner expecting financial stuff to carry on as before. I mean who are these people???

I've been a SAHM for 13 years Connie and I promise you it works perfectly.

I don't need to access joint funds.

I have a standing order coming into my account each month based on the budgeted yearly household expenditure and we periodically make adjustments as household income and bills vary.

It's so nice not having to keep doing mental sums to see if our spending is equal, especially give the disparity in our spending patterns.

If the worst came to the worst, neither of us could fleece the other by clearing out the accounts. Anyone with a joint account would be far worse off than I would be as I have my own current account and savings. DH would prefer to spend on the latest Apple gadgets, clothes and cars and we don't need to discuss if that's ok as this comes from his share.

I love having financial autonomy and not having justify myself to anyone. With so many marriages finding financial matters a strain on their marriage, we never have because it's always been shared equitably and kept separate so there's no room for error. It's been 22 years now.

Thankyou for posting everyone I wasn't sure I was asking the right question but you have all answered it perfectly.
We both have savings accounts and credit cards and current accounts and we have a joint current account and a joint credit card.
I already own property which I bought before we got together but we both now live in, I think I'm being selfish and finding it hard to just sign half over to her. I do see it as OUR home but my investment which I'm proud I was able to afford.
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As I said, if it works for you then that's great. We don't ever discuss our spending to ensure it's equal. DH def spends more than me but there's nothing expensive I particularly want. I didn't really want to be a sahm but it was the best option as DH works long hours often out the country. I'm a teacher and he's a lawyer so he earns 5x my salary. Just easier for us that it all goes into one pot and all comes out of one pot. We both have our own ISAs and stuff. But all bank acc in joint names is just best for us.
I don't think divorce is ever anything but messy so I'm not sure separate accounts would make it easier. But each to their own. It doesn't found at all as if either you or your partner are being exploited so that's fine.

Op, DH was in your position but then he went to grad school and I supported us for a year. After that he said he was changing it to joint names as it was only fair. It was small anyway and we moved the following year. If you're not married and don't have kids it's reasonable for you to keep house in your name. I think the crucial point is when you become a family either through marriage or becoming a parent.

When we moved in together everything was shared but he paid for everything because I was studying.
We're now married and he pays for everything still, we have our own cars but use each others etc. His money goes into the joint account and we can both access it.
My money is put in another joint account that we use for holidays/cars etc, again we can both access it.

We've always had joint finances although funnily enough I've been thinking about separating our finances recently.

The reason I want to separate finances is because my husband tends to moan about money a lot and lays the blame at my door as I'm the one that does the shopping. It's just the way we've always worked, I do the shopping, clothe the kids, take them for haircuts etc so I'm the one that has the big credit card bill at the end of the month. However, all the things on the bill are joint expenses that my husband has agreed to so it's starting to feel a bit annoying that I then get moaned at!

I don't know if my experience will put you off sharing finances or not - if it's relevant we've had shared finances for about 18 years now.

I don't mind sharing finances at all, at the moment I pay in to the joint current account and pay off the joint credit card when it is rarely used.
DP Does have an income but it's very small at the moment so she keeps it in her private accounts.
The problem is the property, I don't think we would move when we have children as we have plenty of room.
It is definitely her home but to her it's just a home to me it's more much more than that, it's the perfect home and something I am immensely proud of owning.
.... The more I type the more comfortable I feel about sharing it officially on paper.

man that sucks, it sounds like something that is easy for him to moan about, does he know it upsets you?