My sister and I have a complicated relationship, I do lover her, she's my sister but equally she irritates the life out of me, we are so different, I had children young, I married the boyfriend I had at 18, I live round the corner from our parents, I have a 'traditional' job. She's lived all over the country, currently in a tax haven, her partner earns big money, they have what looks like a fabulous lifestyle, I'm not jealous, it's not for me but I do sometimes feel as though DH and I are looked down on by them - despite the fact we not have good jobs and comparatively speaking as we live in a cheap area, similar levels of disposable income. I think if I voiced that I would be accused of being jealous but equally I don't think its something that means to come across by them.
DH and I married 4 years ago, sister was a bridesmaid because that's what you did, DH and I didn't have an easy path to the altar (met young, had kids young, split up and cancelled one wedding, eventually getting married about 12 years after getting together) but we are very happy and content now. Last year dsis's partner proposed on a holiday of a lifetime type thing, lovely, over the moon for her. Now I'm expected to be bridesmaid. I say expected because I haven't actually been asked, I went to a wedding fair with her and a stall holder asked if I was bridesmaid and I smiled politely and said 'oh no' (I hadn't been asked and didn't like to assume) and my sister got angry saying 'of course you are' - well how was I supposed to know?!
So fast forward to recently my sister wants to go dress shopping, she has picked a colour scheme that unfortunately does not suit my sallow pale skin, hey ho, not my wedding, suck it up. But the comments about keeping me out of photos so I don't ruin them, however jokey are getting tiring. She hasn't picked the dress yet but refuses to have any kinds of straps or sleeves, I'm fat. I have massive tits. Strapless dresses make me look like a sack of potatoes with string round the middle, I made that point. To which my sister argued I have plenty of time to lose weight, well yes I do, and I want to. I really do. But I didn't manage to do it for my own wedding (and as a result have about 3 photos I like of my day - but that's my fault, no one to blame but myself) so I petulantly (and it was petulant I know) said I wasn't likely to bother for her wedding.
I want my sister to have a great wedding, I would like to be bridesmaid and look great and do her justice. But it's unlikely to happen, as it stands I'm going to be wearing a dress in a colour and style that doesn't suit me and I'll spend the whole thing feeling bad about myself. But I don't know how to say I don't want to be bridesmaid without making the whole thing about our already 'fractured relationship' as the older one I'm always seen as the one who should just try and get along with her, my mum gets frustrated as we're not close. I don't know what to do and I'm sensing im getting very woe is me about it all, I need to pull myself together.
Sorry that's long and probably a lot of irrelevant information. Sorry! 