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Relationships

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Original poster

Are the odds against women finding a good partner aged 35+?

67 replies

Datingonline · 24/04/2015 07:01

Ok, so I am divorced have DC and most friends are settled down. Opportunities to meet new people are not as great as when I was in my 20s. Fair enough. But, I have also come to the conclusion that good, fully functional men are in the minority and are likely to be already settled down?

Looking at these boards it's easy to see that there is a high number of men out there who are immature, selfish, irresponsible, unfaithful, emotionally abusive, commitment phobes etc. I don't think it's sexist to say that there are nowhere near as many women with these traits.

So by probability there are going to be a number of women who will have to stay single if they choose not to be in a crap relationship? Just thinking out loud, would be interested to hear others' thoughts.....

OP posts:

Movingonmymind · 24/04/2015 19:03

Sadly probably yes. Its deeply unfair

Hammondisback · 25/04/2015 07:04

Just be careful with the men who use Mumsnet.
No offence to the nice dads, but I'd be worried that they are specifically looking for parents, for some vile ulterior motive.

SevenAteNine · 25/04/2015 08:02

hammondisback, what are you trying to say?

Eustasiavye · 25/04/2015 08:35

I wouldn't entertain anyone who wouldn't date someone their own age.

Neither would I be interested in someone who raved about how they can do their own cooking, it's like saying I can brush my own teeth. Too right you can do your own cooking. Guess what you can do your own washing too.

Like I said after cooking and cleaning for my ex I now look for fun, makes you much happier in the long run.

Eustasiavye · 25/04/2015 08:40

I also think it's foolish for a man to leave having children until late in life.

I don't know any women who want a 45 plus man to father their kids. Only maybe in celebrity land.

Pastelsunset · 25/04/2015 08:59

I must admit that I find most good men are taken - and kept - early. Only most! I hope I'll meet someone but don't think I will.

123Jump · 25/04/2015 09:05

I live in NI and I can tell you that there are no single, normal, mature men over 40.
Fact!

CrabbyTheCrabster · 25/04/2015 10:29

Well my DM, having had a string of disastrous relationships, finally met her DP in her 50s. Having said that, they both had their flaws and a lot of why their relationship works so well is that they had both mellowed and settled down a bit over the years.

I met my DP when I was 32, and we've been very happy together for 10 years. We both know, though, that had we met even a few years earlier, we would never have got beyond a first date. We had both done a lot of changing in the previous five years (having my DD changed me a lot, for one thing) and certainly wouldn't have looked twice at each other in our twenties as I was fucking bonkers we were (and still are in many ways) so different.

My point is that relationships make and break up as people grow and mature, and not always because the man is a twat in some way! So there are always decent men and women becoming single and looking to start new relationships. Don't give up - there are plenty of men out there who are potentially compatible with you.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 25/04/2015 10:32

I might book up a weeks holiday on the Isle of Wight.

This made me !

AuntieDee · 25/04/2015 11:51

I think it's easier if you already have DC as by this age most men seem to have DC too so you are at the same point in your life.

I struggled as I don't have DC so found it difficult to meet someone at the same stage of life. But saying that even I without DC managed to find someone also without DC (aged 35). It is possible :)

Pastelsunset · 25/04/2015 11:52

That's good to know Auntie :) I find actually meeting someone near enough impossible which is frustrating (am 33 next month.)

Trills · 25/04/2015 11:53

I really wish more women would stop settling for the dross and raise their expectations.

Actually if everyone else has high expectations and doesn't settle for dross, there will be even fewer "high quality" men out there for me.

So keep settling please!

Trills · 25/04/2015 12:11

Thanks for the Atlantic article GoatsDoRoam.

albal14 · 25/04/2015 13:34

Thanks Eustas, made me feel so much better after your post. everyone not the same. Circumstances etc.

Darcey2105 · 25/04/2015 15:33

I'm 35 and just starting divorce proceedings. I don't want to rush into anything, but I certainly hope there will be a fulfilling relationship in my future.

I feel so much more relaxed about it as I have DC already. I have a few friends who are single and getting anxious about meeting someone as they really want children. That is so stressful to have a ticking timebomb behind you. I feel I can just get with someone if I want to, with no other reason to consider.

Also desperately trying to start my own business so I have full financial self sufficiency at all times.

So i suppose I'm saying I hope it will be easier to meet a man post 35 when you already have children than when you don't.

SevenAteNine · 25/04/2015 16:35

It is never too late. I met my partner at 36, and she was 35. We are still going strong.

When I was single, I inwardly groaned anytime I met someone who thought all the good men were taken. It's like going on a date with Eeyore.

catwithflowers · 25/04/2015 16:45

I met someone lovely in my mid 40s after my divorce. We are very, very happy together

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