Married, husband have baby fever, BUT... What would you do if you in my situation?

[thestaircase]

Hello, sorry for the long post. And apologize for my bad English grammars, English is my third language.

I had a cold childhood, my Chinese mother was abusive her children. Both me and my brother have move out away from for more than a decade already. But she still trying to control us, dictating us who we should married. She is a very controlling mother.
Throughout my whole childhood I hear she belittle me, put me down everyday, being verbally/emotionally abusive to me. So it does take a toll on my self-worth.

Subconsciously seme like my childhood experienced still huant me. Now as an adult, sometimes I do feel like I'm not worth it to be love at all. It also does make me feel awkward when I get alot of affections form my husband.

I'm Asian (Chinese), my husband is Black (African)
Met him when I was 26, dated when I was 28 and we married three months ago, and I'm 30 this year.
This whole relationship was alot of hardship because of my Chinese mother disapproval of my husband. But her disapproval doesn't matter anymore because we married now.

Finally we can be together, I do want some 'couple time' alone with him before I bring a baby into the picture.
When we date he work 1 job, now we married he working 2 jobs so we can have enough money for a house down-payment and mortgage.

We both are trying to save up money as fast as we can. If Financial goes as plan we can buy our house in 2016 and move out of this cheap rent bad area neighborhood----Rent is very cheap so it helps us alot to save up money monthly.

The house is not important to me, we can just go rent at a nicer neighborhood to raise our baby.
BUT what bothering me is he won't have time for the baby. Because right now he working 2 jobs, everyday he working 12-14 hours. So if now I'm pregnant, he won't be able to spend much time with the baby.

When my husband get off work, all he have time for is shower, eat and sleep and next day work long hours again.
And baby cries, if baby cries all night and we both have to keep wake up. Then he won't have enough sleep to work 12-14 hours next day. If this make sense?

But then we both poor anyways, so it not like we have much of a choice. I am working 1 job, and it pay me minimum wage.
My husband have to pick up 2 jobs or else no way we have enough money to buy a house.

It is too SELFISH of me that I want to hold back baby plan for the next few years. So that we can have a solid financial ground, so my husband can go back to work 1 job, and then we have a baby?

Seem like we need few more years to save up money.
We do have money saving in both our Saving accounts. But then when we buy a house, we have monthly Mortgage to pay. And then a baby which going to be more money.
I really don't think it the right time to have a baby right now this year.

So if you were in my circumstances, what would you do? Hold up baby plans for couple years?
I am 30 year olds this year, I hope I still have some time to TTC
And people keep trying to scare me by saying once you hit 30, you are over the TTC

Eversince we married, my husband keeps have baby fever. This month I'm late on my cycle, and he happy that I'm late. He be THRILLED if I'm pregnant.
When he left to work, he kiss my stomach. He me take the pregnancy test and when I’m pregnant, he will kiss my stomach EVERYDAY for 9 Months until the baby born.

I can already tell our future baby will be spoil, not even born yet and already have daddy kisses everyday. With the way he is I can tell that he will spoil his kids rotten.
We probably have cultural clashes when we raise our kids. I know I will be very strict to my kids. And him, he the Dad that will spoil his kids. The kids will always run to daddy daddy for everything because daddy spoil them.

I'm not pregnant, it my body still trying to get used to birth control pills since I'm newlywed.
I take all my pills on time, exactly on the same time everyday. I never miss one pills, so I know I’m 99% safe. I am also NOT on any Antibiotics so it not messing up my BCP

What I'm worried is I promise my husband we TTC in 2016 when we buy our house. But now with our situation as I explained above, and him working 2 jobs everyday. He will not have time for our baby when he working 12-14 hours everyday.
And baby cries alot, it will disrupt his sleep. How he going to work long hours the next day?

I want to hold off baby plan for the next few years until we have solid financial ground so he back to work 1 job, and then we TCC
BUT I know if I keep hold back baby plan, he will be disappointed. What would you do if you were me? How would you approach this to him? And advice is appreciated, thank you.

Yes I had a nice weekend with my husband and son thank you.

I think if it were me I would go for your husbands 20% deposit plan so you can move out of this rough area to a nicer safe place.

You don't have to ttc next year. Tale a year and enjoy making your home together first and having good time together with both only working one job.

I convinced my son at 31 and had him at 32. The average age in the UK to get married is 29 for women so lots of women are having their first babies in their 30s. Most of my friends are only now ttc at 32/33.

There was an interesting article in a highly regarded newspaper here which showed the data saying ttc after 30 up to 40 is still fine especially if you dtd a day either side of when you ovulate so please don't worry about that, you have lots of time.

Life is short so please don't fixate on this 50% deposit and stay in this bad area. Also you don't want to look back on your life and just see work. Yes you may have to pay your mortgage a bit longer but you with have had more time in a happy place.

I think the key thing here is focussing on affordability of repayments, rather than being fixated with a percentage deposit.

You need to be able to afford the repayments on one wage for when you have a baby.

You also need to do your sums to factor in interest rate rises and savings should either of you be unable to work for a period.

I don't know how things are where you are, but here it pays to buy now, pay later as prices are outstripping interest payments on savings so the longer you wait, the less your savings are worth.

To put that into perspective. House prices here have increased by 30% in 4 years, and we aren't in a property hotspot.

Thank you for youar dfviace, I agree with you.

We both have been working for more than a decade; s we both do have money save in our own Saving accounts. None of us are in any kind of Debts, we are Debt-free. So any money from work that left over after pay monthly Rent/Bills, we put it all into our saving.

We doing okay, I plan to work until my stomach get so big that I can't work anymore.
BUT this husband of mine I'm not sure if he going to let me work when I'm pregnant with his baby. Seeing how much Baby Fever he get and how protective he is. I don't know if going to work with a big stomach is an option.
I have not discuss this issue of pregnant and go to work with him yet.

When we first met, date and married. He always been the guy that help me carried my Grocery, carried my Laundry, carry anything heavy for me.
He help me change light bulb on top of my ceiling because I’m so short, lol

Here in USA so we do get earthquakes. Sometimes the apartment where we live cut off waters for maintenance too. He always carried tons of 5 gallons big water bottles to my apartment, to make sure have water for emergency use.
He fix my car, he do all the heavy things around the house for me.
We married now and he still do all that for me, he haven't change.

I'm only 4'11 so I wear high heels everywhere I go, high heels help make me look taller.
He know this about me. So wheneverr it pouring rain outside, he always remind me Not to wear high heels, wear shoe instead. Because wearing high heels out in the heavy rain, I might slip and get hurt.

That was him remind me when I was just his girlfriend. Now as his wife, he still remind me. Now if I'm pregnant, he probably get even more protective.
Seem like I need another discussion with my husband that I want to work until near delivery.

Well prior to get married, he knows that I like to be Financial independent. And that I like to work until the day I'm like 65
I also told him that after married, I'm still going to work. He okay, but then I'm not pregnant and we only married for 3 months.

I did mentioned briefly that I like to still work when pregnant and after have a baby. He didn't say okay, he didn't answered. So I'm not sure what his answered is.

Eversince I married him, as his wife. All I have to do is cook and wash dishes, and do light cleaning.
He sure can cook, he is a very independent guy since young age. It just that he working 2 jobs, everyday 12-14 hours so he doesn't have the time to cook. So I have to do the cooking.

I feel bad for him too because he works Physical labor jobs, so he is tired. But he still do all the heavy stuff around the house.

He works for a local Truck company, he drives the local Truck. His Truck driving job here in USA, he does make decent money.
And he works at the Warehouse. Both his jobs are Physical labor jobs.
His Warehouse job, everyday he loading, unloading, stacking, lifting, carrying heavy boxes and stuff all day.

He sure is physically tired he is when he get home. There are days when he have to work overnight too. I'm sure he stress out at his jobs, but never once he raise his voice on me.
He said if he stress from from work, he will sit in his car to think. He will not bring stress of work to home, he leave it outside as soon as he get out of the car.

I thought when he home, he only have the energy to shower, eat and sleep. But Nope! He still have the energy for sex. I don't know if this is normal for a 29 year olds guy who work 2 physical labor jobs like him.
He is NOT like other people husband where they sit in the office with Air conditioner on.

May I ask, how is your husband sex drive? It is high? Does anyone here have husband work jobs like my husband and still have the energy for sex?

My husband have really good physical health. I know him 4 years and never once I saws him get sick, not even a cold. He also go to the Gym and work out to keep his body fit, and he 6'1 so he got the height.
But then with the type pf jobs he do, he should be tired to the point that he would passed out by the time he get home. But Nope, he still have the energy.

I think your husband's sex drive sounds perfectly fine. As long as YOU are comfortable with it. Do you enjoy having sex with him? Nobody should ever feel like they need to have sex if they don't want to.

I get the impression (sorry if this is not correct) that it's your inexperience with sex that makes you uncomfortable. If you haven't been naked with men before and don't really know your own body in a sexual way then, at first, it might feel embarrassing at first.

But trust will develop over time, and you'll feel more and more comfortable.

I would have no problem with my husband kissing my bum cheek. That doesn't mean you have to be too. If you just feel embarrassed about your body or being naked, then just relax and enjoy However, if you don't like it, and don't want him to do it, then you don't have to do anything you don't like.

'AyeAmarok', you right. I think it me being a virgin is definatley part of why I still feel uncomfratble and awkward about sex. I heard that there virgins outthere who take many months to get fully comfortable in sex with their husband.

When we dating and in a committed relationship. I did hold off sex for 1 year before I give my husband my virginity. I feel sad for him because we are in a committed relationship, I'm his exclusive girlfriend and he have to wait for a whole year for sex. For a healthy guy at his age, that is torture, lol

Well I end up slept with him, but it wasn't often at all. I hold off sex again, I told him I don't want our relationship be solely just about sex, sex and sex, so I want to take it slow.
He very patience and he never pressure me. We continue to have sex but it only few times, and half a year later he proposed and we got married.

But now we married, I can't hold off sex anymore. When he wants sex, I feel that it my duty to give him sex because I'm his wife.
Sorry TMI head...

Uh.. the butt cheek kiss sure make me awkward. At first I thought he only kiss it when I'm in bed and naked. But Nope! when I have short of pants on, he still kiss it regardless.
So naked or clothed, he likes to kiss it everytime we in bed. He likes to kiss.

Even during sex, he still like to kiss alot. He kiss my lips, face, neck, shoulders, he do all the kissing a the same time he getting it on.
You know, thrusting and kissing at the same time (sorry for TMI)

I know for a sexually experience woman, things like these is very normal to them. But to someone who is inexperience like me, I'm still getting used to it.
I only sleep with one person--that is my husband. So there things that he do, I wonder if other men do i too.

Well it been 3 months, so I'm kidda used to his 'style' in bed. He is my husband so he see me naked many times, I don't know why I still get shy.
Heck, I still get nervous when he stand in front of me.
This is embarrassing, I'm 30 and he 29, I'm the older one here, why the heck am I scare? lol

I do enjoy sex with my husband. But the more I enjoy sex with me, the more I'm scare that I'm showing him my vulnerable.
I mentioned I have an abusive mother in my childhood. It like I build up walls to protect my emotions, and these walls is still up.
Physically I give him my body, but emtionally I still haven't let him in.
I know you reading this and probably laughing, but it really how I feel. I'm just scare to show my vulnerable side.

I know I need therapy to help me put behind my abusive childhood experienced. But here in USA, therapy is sooooo expensive. I don't have thousands and thousands of dollars to spend on therapy.
How is therapy in UK? It is very expensive too?