Married, husband have baby fever, BUT... What would you do if you in my situation?

[thestaircase]

Hello, sorry for the long post. And apologize for my bad English grammars, English is my third language.

I had a cold childhood, my Chinese mother was abusive her children. Both me and my brother have move out away from for more than a decade already. But she still trying to control us, dictating us who we should married. She is a very controlling mother.
Throughout my whole childhood I hear she belittle me, put me down everyday, being verbally/emotionally abusive to me. So it does take a toll on my self-worth.

Subconsciously seme like my childhood experienced still huant me. Now as an adult, sometimes I do feel like I'm not worth it to be love at all. It also does make me feel awkward when I get alot of affections form my husband.

I'm Asian (Chinese), my husband is Black (African)
Met him when I was 26, dated when I was 28 and we married three months ago, and I'm 30 this year.
This whole relationship was alot of hardship because of my Chinese mother disapproval of my husband. But her disapproval doesn't matter anymore because we married now.

Finally we can be together, I do want some 'couple time' alone with him before I bring a baby into the picture.
When we date he work 1 job, now we married he working 2 jobs so we can have enough money for a house down-payment and mortgage.

We both are trying to save up money as fast as we can. If Financial goes as plan we can buy our house in 2016 and move out of this cheap rent bad area neighborhood----Rent is very cheap so it helps us alot to save up money monthly.

The house is not important to me, we can just go rent at a nicer neighborhood to raise our baby.
BUT what bothering me is he won't have time for the baby. Because right now he working 2 jobs, everyday he working 12-14 hours. So if now I'm pregnant, he won't be able to spend much time with the baby.

When my husband get off work, all he have time for is shower, eat and sleep and next day work long hours again.
And baby cries, if baby cries all night and we both have to keep wake up. Then he won't have enough sleep to work 12-14 hours next day. If this make sense?

But then we both poor anyways, so it not like we have much of a choice. I am working 1 job, and it pay me minimum wage.
My husband have to pick up 2 jobs or else no way we have enough money to buy a house.

It is too SELFISH of me that I want to hold back baby plan for the next few years. So that we can have a solid financial ground, so my husband can go back to work 1 job, and then we have a baby?

Seem like we need few more years to save up money.
We do have money saving in both our Saving accounts. But then when we buy a house, we have monthly Mortgage to pay. And then a baby which going to be more money.
I really don't think it the right time to have a baby right now this year.

So if you were in my circumstances, what would you do? Hold up baby plans for couple years?
I am 30 year olds this year, I hope I still have some time to TTC
And people keep trying to scare me by saying once you hit 30, you are over the TTC

Eversince we married, my husband keeps have baby fever. This month I'm late on my cycle, and he happy that I'm late. He be THRILLED if I'm pregnant.
When he left to work, he kiss my stomach. He me take the pregnancy test and when I’m pregnant, he will kiss my stomach EVERYDAY for 9 Months until the baby born.

I can already tell our future baby will be spoil, not even born yet and already have daddy kisses everyday. With the way he is I can tell that he will spoil his kids rotten.
We probably have cultural clashes when we raise our kids. I know I will be very strict to my kids. And him, he the Dad that will spoil his kids. The kids will always run to daddy daddy for everything because daddy spoil them.

I'm not pregnant, it my body still trying to get used to birth control pills since I'm newlywed.
I take all my pills on time, exactly on the same time everyday. I never miss one pills, so I know I’m 99% safe. I am also NOT on any Antibiotics so it not messing up my BCP

What I'm worried is I promise my husband we TTC in 2016 when we buy our house. But now with our situation as I explained above, and him working 2 jobs everyday. He will not have time for our baby when he working 12-14 hours everyday.
And baby cries alot, it will disrupt his sleep. How he going to work long hours the next day?

I want to hold off baby plan for the next few years until we have solid financial ground so he back to work 1 job, and then we TCC
BUT I know if I keep hold back baby plan, he will be disappointed. What would you do if you were me? How would you approach this to him? And advice is appreciated, thank you.

I think you're doing absolutely great It's really normal to worry about becoming a parent - it's a big step after all!

You could use some of the time between now and when you might start to TTC to read a bit about parenting so you've got some alternatives to how you were brought up. Your local library will have a parenting section, you could look at a few books and see which ones you feel you like the best.

If you do have a baby in the future, your local family centre will run parenting courses and classes you can go to as well.

The butt cheek thing - wow this man just worships you

Hehe Wotsitsareafterme,
You know how some men are into breast and some men are into butt. I guess I happen to married a man who likes the butt.

I know he attracted to my butt when we dating, because I caught him stare/look at my butt before. But I didn't think he would went to the extreme of still kissing my butt cheek after we already married for 3 months.
And he still do it everyday whenever we in bed together.
It make me feel awkward though but I guess if this is how he show effections, then I should let him have it his ways. He just like to kiss alot

When we first know each others, he would come up and talk to me. Then he wants a handshake, and he just doesn’t let my hand go, and out of nowhere he KISS my hand. It was so quick unexpected that I don’t even have a chance to pull back my hand.

Now we married and he s itll kiss my hand. The other day as I was preparing his meal, putting food on the table for him. He hold my hands and keep kissing both of my hands.
I think he do it because he apprecaite me cook his late dinner. But then he working 2 jobs, everyday ge work 12-14 horus, so I have to pick up the cooking part.

He only 29 year olds, so he still young. But he a bit old-fashioned, old-school.

From my post, it seem like I want a house, but it not. I don't care for a house. It is him that want a house, he thinks it better for our future and our baby future.

Right now we live in a cheap rent bad area neighborhood. Here have gangs/drugs and crimes. None of us want to raise a newborn baby in this type of environment.

He grow up in this type of bad environment area so he understand it very well. He does NOT want his children grow up in the same type of environment that he grew up in.
This is why he want a house, but then a house cost him to work 2 jobs so we can have money as fast we can.

Then added me tell him we should try to pay the house half in Cash, half in Mortgage. This is hard because we both poor, so him have to work long hours.
Heck, perhaps maybe I should told him that we just go Rent at a better environment neighborhood, and stop pressure over this House issue.

I do feel bad for my husband though, from his Chinese wife doesn't know how to appreciate his kisses. And him working 2 jobs everyday, just because his wife aim at try to pay the house pay half in cash.

I always think it better to try to pay the house as much as we can in cash, and the remain we pay in mortgage. Am I thinking wrong?

My hyusband would rather pay higher mortgage so we can have our baby and spend time as family.
But I said try to pay for the house half in cash. He said alright, anything I want. He let me have it my way so I can be happy, and he go pick up another job. Now he working long hours 2 jobs everyday.

I feel terrible, am I wrong in this?

Are you in the UK?

Look for anyone reading may I just reiterate? Nobody should accept kissing they don't feel comfortable with. A good, decent partner would heed your wishes.

You are right to want to wait.

That way you can enjoy being just the two of you for a few years.

A house is not everything. I agree with you, renting in a nicer area and once you have a baby in 2 years your husband having time to spend with you and the baby is more important that having a house if you never see him.

You have lots of time to have a baby.

What you need now is time to enjoy being with your husband and being loved and supported yourself. You had a hard childhood from what you said and you need some time when you don't have to share the love before any baby is planned.

It's difficult to comment on the mortgage thing- it really depends how much you need to spend on a house.
I live in the South east and it wouldn't be realistic for first time
Buyers on low wages to save half the value of the house as a cash deposit because it would be over £100,000. To be honest it's unusual anywhere especially if you're low earners. Most people take many years to save the minimum (10-15% of the house value)

Secondly I wouldn't worry about being pregnant this month. You're on bcp and have had a negative test. It will just be your body adjusting to the pill.

If you need to wait a year or two to ttc is there a way this time can be spent training for a better job? Maybe at college or
On the job? I'd concentrate on that because you'll appreciate having a good job massively when you have a family.

Hey staircase!
It sounds like you and your husband adore each other. I'm wondering if the whole physical side of your relationship still being relatively new combined with your childhood experiences makes it difficult for you to know what you want (or don't), and how to communicate that?

You're allowed as a person, a woman and a wife to say to your husband if you don't want or like something. You also have a right, as a person, a woman and a wife for your husband to take that on board. And you have a right to change your mind about that.

I wonder too if your experiences with your mother are clouding your judgement about how he'll be as a father? Do you know that you can't spoil children by kissing them lots? The only thing it does is make them feel loved and wanted and develops good sense of self-confidence.

You sound so sensible - both of you - and so in love. Remember that your husband chose YOU and loves YOU, so you don't need to pretend to want something (or not) just to please him, because that's not YOU, that's the pretend you!

Your husband sounds like he utterly adores you. He wants to kiss and appreciate every inch of you. It also appears to me as if he is trying to counteract the negatives your mother gave you with a million positives.

Why don't you and your husband go and see a mortgage advisor and see what the financial situation is if you were to apply for a mortgage now. The deposit you have could be enough or it may confirm that you need more. It would give you an idea of what your monthly payments would be also so you could then see if your husband would need to continue in 2 jobs to meet the mortgage and your other bills. This could leave you both with a clearer view of what is achievable now or what level you need to aim for, or if you want to rethink your long term plan altogether and consider renting somewhere else.

You sound like such a lovely couple I am sure you will find a path through this together each considering the others wants and needs and finding a path you are both happy with.

To "Feckeggblue",
You right, thank you for your advice.
We both have been working since we were 18, so for more than a decade we haev work. So we do have an okay amount of money in our own individual Saving accounts, but we far from middle class.. That is why he picking up an extra job working 2 jobs.
We both love to save money. That is why after marriage, we both still agree to continue living in this cheap rent bad area neighborhood after marriage, because the rent here is cheap. So it does help us alot with saving up money every month.

To 'AmyLeeha',
Perhaps you right. Throughout my whole childhood I hear my mom belittle me, scold at me, put me down everyday and being verbally/emotionally abusive to me.
In my mom in her eyes, I'm worth less than a dog on the street. It does take a toll on my self-worth. As an adult, I have such LOW self-worth. Sometimes I feel like I'm not worth it to be loved at all.

I guess when I was little, I open my heart to my mom, and she hurts me. So now I'm scare to be vulnerable. Even to my husband, I try to prevent myself from being vulnerable.
It like I built an emotional walls up inside myself to prevent myself from getting hurt emotionally. You know what I'm trying to say?

I'm sorry, seem like I have multiple layers of concerns and issues in my situation. From cultural difference, to my abusive childhood, to worried about my husband not have enough time to be with the baby when he working 2 jobs long hours everyday.

I know my husband loves me. If I say I want to wait few more years before TTC, he probably will just go along with it just for me. BUT then I know deep down inside he probably not happy, I can tell how much he wants a baby to complete our family.

I am trying to find the roots of my prolem too, because seem like all these problems is coming from me.
My husband dotes on me, he try everything to make me happy. I don't think there anything else I can ask for in a man. He affectionate, he let me have things my way. He working his butt off 2 jobs everyday, 12-14 hours shift so we cab have enough money for a house.

He works for a local Truck company, he drives the local Truck. And he works at the Warehouse. Both his jobs are physical labor jobs. Everyday he loading, unloading, stacking, lifting, carrying heavy stuff.
You can tell how physically tired he is when he get home. There days when he have to work overnight too. I'm sure he stress out at his jobs, but never once he raise his voice on me.

I don't mind him kisses me, I don't mind him spoil our baby. It just that why am not thrilled with him being affectionate? Other wives out there woudln't mind if their husband kiss thei butt cheek, but why I feel awkward?
It is because my cold childhood that I never recieved any affection from my abusive mother? And now I'm taking it out on my husband?

My husband know all about my childhood experienced with my abusive mother. He very understanding and patience. He didn't run when we dating, he insist on get married so unlikely that he will run now. But I just feel terrible for him.
Somtimes I feel like I ruin this man life. If we didn't meet, if he didn't chase me, if we didn't get married, if he married another girl then his life probably be easier right now.

I never give him 100% emotionally, even now we married I still hold back emotionally. Back then I blow him hot and cold, caused him to chase me for 6 months long before I agree to be his girlfriend. Now now we married, emotionally I still hold back.

Perhaps I need therapy/counseling regartding to my childhood experienced? I don't know if my childhood is a part of why I'm scare to be a mommy or not.
I'm trying to find the roots of my problem, I feel so bad for my husband. We know each others 4 years and he been putting up with all these from me.

To 'Vivacia',
I guess my English doesn't sound like someone from UK
I'm not in the UK, I'm in the US
I'm sorry, I find this Board when I look up birth control pills and pregnancy. Because this month I'm more than 2 weeks late and I was worried that I might get pregnant on the pills. But after I buy the pregnancy test from the store, took it and it come out negative. I feel very relieved.

I didn't pay attention to this Board is from the UK until I read the "about us" section then I see it a UK based forum.
I hope I'm not bothering anyone from this thread of mine. I'm just confused if the house should come first or the baby should come first.
Seem like my marriage have alot of underneath problem that I need to solve, and it all come from my childhood experienced with my abusive mother.

It's no problem that you're not in the uk but things like mortgage comments on here will be based mostly on uk rules!

It's not specifically a UK board, but it does help to know as in the UK I don't know of anyone who has paid 50% in cash for a house (and many of my friends aren't in low paid jobs) and those in lower wages could never afford to buy their own home, let alone pay 50% deposit. Also the average age for a woman to have her first child is 5 years older than in USA.

Thank you, I do love this board. Because I learn alot of baby tips from all the loving mothers here.
This Board is so imformative on pregnancy and babies. I read alot of threads here about TTC and tips on take care babies, all these are very helpful to me when I become a mommy and learn how to be a good mom.

Here in the US, some states the house are mcuh cheaper than other states. For example you can get the same size house, but it half the price if it in another state. Houses in California and New York is much much more expensive than houses in Texas.
It is do-able to pay 50% cash down-payment in a house if you buy a house in a state where houses are cheap.

Thank you.
Seem like a house is not a big problem right now. The problems is all coming from me, seem like all problems is roots from me and my childhood.
I now my husaband loves me so he put all with all these just to be with me, but one day he might just explode when he can't take it anymore.

My mom is flat out discriminate against him because he is Black. She insults both of us. Calling me dirty, and say do not ever bring those dirty grandchildren back to see her.
And other hurtful comments he make against him. She refused to met him, refused to even know his mame, let alone know who he is as a person.

He knows all these, and accept it all to be with me. He said he doesn't care about what my mother say, all he care is me. But who knows, maybe 3-5 years form now he might resent me for it.

Then me have a cold and abusive childhood. I built an emotional walls up inside myself to prevent myself from getting hurt emotionally.
I hold back emotionally, blow him hot and cold and make him chase me for a long time. We maried now and I still hold back emotionally. I'm scare to let my husband see my vulnerable side.

He knows all this, again he accept it all. He try his best to give me affections and dotes one me. Everyday he working 2 jobs so we can have enough money for ahouse.
I know if I say I don't want a baby now, he will let me have it my way so I can be happy. But then how long can he put up with all thse? He might explode one day.

For example, a really decent $500,000 USD house in California. But you can get that same size house in Texas for just $200,000 USD
Heck, in Texas, you can get a decent house for just $150,00 USD

But then me and my husband doesn't live in Texas, so no way we can get a house that price here.

It will be difficult for many of us to offer advice on the mortgage for the many reasons Joy explained.

Most people would appreciate an affectionate partner. All of us have things we are not comfortable with. It does not make us affectionate.

I think you should consider counselling.

Why are you fearful of your husband exploding?

Apart from mortgage advice i don't think it matters that we are in the UK and you in the USA.

I think you sound like a sensible, thoughtful woman who loves her husband and cares about the future of your family.

I think you are aware that your childhood has sadly lead to you having issues around how you feel you can connect emotionally and perhaps a little physically with your husband. Given your history I think this is normal.

Can you find a local support group to talk through your childhood issues? This will not only help you connect with your husband but also with your future children and make sure you don't worry about that too.

You clearly love your husband so its just about learning how to feel good about that and how to let yourself be vulnerable to him after years of having to protect yourself from your mother. You are not alone.

I am sure if you explain this to your husband he will understand how you need to learn to love yourself and open up to him before you can have a child as you don't want to feel you might hold back from your baby.

You have all the right qualities to be a wonderful mother but you need to do it when its right for both of you. Your husband might just assume that its what you want now you are married, I'm sure he will be happy to wait.

Also can he build in a day once a week where he works shorter hours so you have some time to enjoy each other?

With regards to your mother you don't have to tell her everything in your life. I can understand that even though she hurts you that you would not want to cut her and the extended family out but you can manage that part of your life and have rules which protect you and your family. Maybe just speaking to her once a month and not including your husband and future children in the relationship. Does she live in the USA as well? Do you have a good relationship with other family members?

To "ColdCottage",
Our whole family is in USA, we immigrant to USA when I was 12 year olds.
I'm 30 this year, so almost two decades in the US already. And my mom still closed-minded and discriminate against my husband just because of his skin color.

She make it sound like I commit the world biggest sin to be with him just because he's Black.
Me and my husband both are grown Adults, I'm 30 and he is 29
We both are Single/Unmarried with no children. This is first marriage for both.
MORALLY we can be together, why do my mom have to give me such a hard time about this? Just because of his skin color.

She have no problem if I married a Chinese guy or a White guy. THe whole problem here is because my husband is Black. This is very unfair to him, it not like he can choose to be what color skin.

Mom said when I married my husband, she will disown me. And she did, she disown me since the day I got married. She have not talk to me eversince.
I only phone home to talk to my old father, the father that never abuse me. I do miss my father very much.

I do drive home to visit my father once a month, my dad is old now. He 10+ years older than my mom.
But everytime I came home to visit. My mom give me a hard time, from insulting me to said many hurtful things against my husband.

Trust me, you know what emotionally torture is when you swallow your own tears while eating. I can see my own tears drop down the rice bowl as I was eating on the table.
I NEVER once I can have a nice meal with my old dad without hearing my mom insulting me. If it weren't for my dad, I don't think I have the strength to come home to see her.

I don't know how is the Interacial relationship in UK, but here is very common. There ALOT of Black and White couples here in the US, just like there ALOT of White and Asian couples here in the US

But in my case is not that common, a Chinese girl and a Black guy. Asian and Black couples are not common here in the US, because of the huge cultural difference.
I do feel sad for my husband, if he didn't fall for a Chinese girl he wouldn't have to go through all these discrimination from my mother.

Before we get married. I constantly remind my husband many many times regarding the situation with my mother. But he doesn't care, he said being Black, he already recieved many stereotypes and discrimination. So he wasn't surprise at all that my Chinese mother didn't like him.
He said he just want to concentrate on us and building our family; with just him, me and our future chidlren.

I do love my husband and he knows thi. I married him with nothing. We got married at a quick and simple City Hall/Courthouse wedding cermeony. With 2 witnesses, my older brother and my mother in-law.

There was No engagement ring, there was No wedding reception, there was No honeymooon. In defense of my husband, it was me that choose not to have all that.
I did all that to protect him, IF one day he regret this marriage, at least there wasn’t much of any money spend on it.
I have no regrets. He also have no regrets, he said he is happy in our marriage and he wants to 'stay married'.

Do UK have City Hall/Courthouse wedding too? We have this in the US

My mom was part of the reason why I didn't want a wedding. There was no point of me having a wedding because nobody on my side of the family going to show up. You know what I mean?
My mom didn't show up to the Courthouse, isntead she insulting me.
I didn't have my parents blessing in my marriage, I do feel like a part of me is missing. In my Chinese culture, having parents blessing is very important, but this lifetime I won't ever get that from my mother.

I cried alot the day before I got married too. But I try to stop crying because I didn't want my husband came back from work and saw my eyes red from crying. My husabndn said when I feel grief, he feels grief too.
Well 3 months already passed, we been married 3 months now. And my mom disown me. All I have now is my husband.

I do have close relatisonhop with my older brother, we both suffer abuse from our Chinese mom so we do understand each others.
My brother likes my husband very much. He thinks I'm a lucky girl to have a husband that adores me. My brother was a witness at my Courthouse wedding ceremony.

I'm sorry, I'm pretty much venting in this reply. It feel so much better to get this off my chest. It have been so hard on me, perhaps I am a very unfilial daughter and Karma will get back at me one day.

But I do love my husband and I can't picture my life without him. If married him mean my mother disown me, then let it be. I have no regrets married him. The only thing I worry is would my childhood have any negative effects me when I become a mother.

I don't know if anyone in UK went through a similar situation like mine, probably not.
It just that my Chinese culture is too traditional and rigid. And the Chinese older people are just very closed-minded. You know what I mean?

OP you haven't been unfilial.

Would you consider counselling? I think you should, before you have children, for your own peace of mind.

Vent away, a problem shared is a problem halved.

In my experience there is no issues on interracial relationships in the UK. I'm sure there is always an exception but in general people don't think anything of it.

Yes we have what we call registry office weddings if you don't want a religious wedding. These can be held in the local registry office or in registered venues such as hotels or historic buildings. I had one at the registry office (to make it legal) then an out door ceremony with family and friends later as we wanted to hold out wedding outside which you can't do in the UK.

A wedding like yours is the purest form. It was just about the 2 of you and your love. I think that is very special.

One day, perhaps when you have had children and they are old enough to be a part of it you could renew your vows and have the dress and party then.

I think talking to a professional is a good idea so you have a clean slate in your mind before you have your children so you don't ever feel guilty again. You have all the right thoughts about preparing yourself and your family for your future so be proud of that.

Can you perhaps meet your dad outside of his home or have your brother invite your mom out so she isn't there (doesn't know you are there) when you visit?

I know we all grow up thinking family is number 1 and in your culture more than most but if your mom is so negative she is not helping anyone. It's ok to keep some distance between you and her and one day if she changes her mind you can always talk to her then. Protect yourself and your husband. Focus on the good and the love you two have.

You have done nothing wrong. Any bad karma would come to your mom for her unkindness not you

OP you sound awesome, and so does your DH. You are very lucky to have found each other!

Babies really aren't that expensive, depending on what you would do for childcare once you return to work.

Just keep talking to your DH, and if you are open to therapy about your relationship with your Mum and your future role as a mother, then I highly recommend it.

Are you ok?

Hello "ColdCottage", how are you? You had a nice weekend with your family? Thank you for saying Hi
Thank you for your advice regarding my husband working 2 jobs everyday. And thank you for your advice regarding the situation about my mother disapproval of my husband.

Me and my husband do spend time together every night when he get home. Even when he get home late we still spend time together.
When he have half a day off or one day off, we do spend it all together.
When he work late, I cook for him in the middle of the night so he can have fresh meals to eat.
Our sex life is fine. Despite him working 2 physical labor jobs and long working hours, he still have all the energy for sex. I just don't understand men, lol

I have talk to my husband more about the house issue. The person that keep on insist aim at 50% down-payment is me. I always have the thinking that larger down-payment will give us smaller mortgage monthly.
And we're not buying a big house so we should pay in cash as much as we can. So we don't have to worry many many years of paying monthly mortgage. Is this wrong thinking?

My husband said he go with what I want. If I insist on aim at 50% down-payment, then that what it is.
Part of the problem is that he always go along with what I want so I can be happy. When I said I prefer to pay the house half in Cash; he doesn't even talk back. He said 'Alright, anything you want', and he went find a second job. Working his butt off 2 jobs everyday to fulfill my prefer "pay house half in cash"

Well, he did promise that after we married he will listen to what his wife say. But then he dotes on his wife, and spoil his future children rotten, this is not good. He did said he will spoil his kids.

He said after I became his wife, first thing I said is I aim to pay the house half in Cash. And he said as a husband he will make it happen for me even if that means he have to work 3 jobs.
But I said No! I don't want him to that much because I don't think we can spend time with each others if he working 3 jobs.

Husband plan: he aim for 20% down-payment. He continue to work 2 jobs till 2016, then 2016 combine our saving to pay for the house down-payment. We not buying a big house so mortgage should be okay.
Then he will be back to work 1 job, and we TTC have our baby. He does want to spend time with the baby. This is first marriage and first baby for both so he really excited to be a father.

My plan: I aim for 50% down-payment, for sure we will not have enough money by 2016, so if I get pregnant then we will have to move to a more safe neighborhood to Rent.
And we continue to saving up money to pay for the house half in Cash that I aim for. We just have to buy our house later when we have enough money for the 50% down-payment I want.

Financially we doing okay, we are far far from rich. We are poor but not like we dirt poor.
Good thing is both of us have perfect Credit scores. None of us have any kind of debt. None of us have any Credit-card debt. Our whole life so far, we are Debt-free. This does make us happy.
You know in USA, ALOT of people are in Credit-card debt. I'm so happy that we pay all our Bills on time and we never had any Credit-card debt.

I’m a College dropped out so No school debt for me. We both work; he works 2 jobs, I work 1 job. And what ever money we have left each month, goes right straight into our own Saving accounts.

To be frank, we living in the hood/the ghetto right now, so it not a safe neighborhood area. Here have gangs/drugs, and crimes. Heck, there was a gang shooting right in this neighborhood couple months ago. But we are 2 grown Adults, we know what is right and wrong, and we don't have a baby yet.

We choose to continue to live in this bad rea neighborhood because the Rent here is cheap, it does help us alot in saving up more money each month.
Is this the right decision to continue live here so we can save up more money each month from the cheap rent?

None of us are big spender, and we have the obsession with saving money.
I guess since we both poor and both independent since young age. Nobody take care of us except ourselves. So we have no choice but to learn how to save up money for survival when it come to emergency and rainy days.

That pretty much is our Financial circumstances right now. Perhaps if I just stick with the 20% down-payment that my husband aim for, then problem will be solve.
But I keep have the thinking that the best option is to pay the house half in Cash, so I keep aim for 50% down-payment, Arg!!
Am I giving this poor husband of mine a hard time when I keep on insist for pay the house half in Cash?

I don't know what to do with this husband of mine anymore. I want to spend another year with him as a couple before we TTC, but he sooo ready for a baby. BUT I'm sooo not ready to TTC this year.

If TTC next year in 2016, I will be 31 year olds. I hope that not too late. Heard everybody keep saying after 30, it very hard to get pregnant.
But husband is super confident that he can get me pregnant at the age 30, he said it be nice if we can have a soccer team of kids, lol