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Relationships

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Original poster

Father's marriage without a prenup

28 replies

Ticklemycarpets · 23/04/2015 21:14

I have heard today that my father (in his seventies) is remarrying someone he has been with for a short time (they don't live together).
I am upset as he didn't think to tell me himself, it was just dropped into conversation. He has also clearly not considered the potential impact / repercussions this has for me and my siblings.
Obviously this is a really insensitive thing to discuss but I need to understand.. If they marry and then he dies first then am I right in thinking that his assets go to his new wife, who on her death could just leave it to who ever she likes (ie her kids) and we potentially would not get anything?
I need to make clear that it is not the money that concerns me, so much as feeling hurt that he hasn't thought of this. I just need to check this is correct before I discuss this with him.

OP posts:

newbieman1978 · 23/04/2015 21:42

Unless he has a will which states otherwise then yes all money and assets would go to his wife.

I understand you must be hurt by the way your father has handled the (non) marriage announcement but if you are not concerned about inheriting his money why would you be miffed if he chooses to leave it to his new wife?

KERALA1 · 23/04/2015 21:48

Without a will wife gets first £250k and half of the rest. Children get the other half. This marriage invalidates any will he had made previously.

newbieman1978 · 23/04/2015 21:52

Thought spouse got everything unless a will in place?
If not I need to do a will ASAP!

newbieman1978 · 23/04/2015 22:14

Ok just checked, spouse gets all personal property (house/s) and belongings, first 250k of cash and half the remaining cash... Other half goes to children.

Phew I'm ok not got more than 250k cash!!

oldbrownboot · 23/04/2015 22:16

My grandfather remarried late in life and his (new) wife outlived him for a couple of years. It was all quite quick and we didnt get a chance to get to know her side of the family. He didn't have much, but it all went to her; and when she died it went to her children. This included family nik naks - small things with a 'family' history like cutlery etc which no-one but my mother and siblings would have realised the significance of. later in life, my aunt and cousins really would have loved to have some of these things for sentimental reasons. If you are going to talk to your father about this in any way, maybe it is best to emphasise these sorts of emotional attachments, rather than making it sound like it is about money?

Original poster

Ticklemycarpets · 23/04/2015 23:04

Thanks for your responses. When I say it is not about the money, we could certainly do with it as we don't own our own house, but I am happy for my father to with it what he wants while he is alive even of it means it is all spent. What I hate the thought of is that some other lady could receive it and then pass it on to who ever she wishes, when I don't think this would be my dads intention.
Does anyone know where there is a simple website which explains it all? How would one go about getting a prenup and are they legally enforceable?

OP posts:

StaceyAndTracey · 23/04/2015 23:12

It depends where your father lives OP, the law is different in each country

UrbanSunday · 23/04/2015 23:13

I am not sure a prenup is what you are after (they are indicative of intentions rather than cast iron legally binding anyway) as this would deal with division of assets in the event if separation rather than death.

I think you need him to take specialist advice on wills / trusts. For instance he could make a will providing that she could carry on living in his home etc for the rest of her life but then on her death it would be dealt with in accordance with his wishes (she would have a lifetime right to live there rather than ever own it). I believe the same thing can be done with other assets such as she could recieve any income from investments etc to use during her lifetime but she could not use the capital itself etc etc.

Lavenderice · 23/04/2015 23:46

I think if he seems happy you should leave him be!

prh47bridge · 23/04/2015 23:52

spouse gets all personal property (house/s) and belongings, first 250k of cash and half the remaining cash

That is wrong. The spouse does NOT get the house automatically. They get all the personal possessions (clothes, DVDs, CDs, etc.) and the first £250k of assets including the house. They get a life interest in half the remainder (which means they can't spend it) with the rest going to the children.

pdxs · 24/04/2015 06:22

OP : do you or your siblings have children? If so that might be a more tactful angle... to ask if he has considered the implications of writing a will "in case he was planning to give something to grandchildren "

One problem with many older people is that they don't like to think about wills as fear of dying... definitely focus on sentimental stuff, and think hard about who best in family should tackle this with your dad (ie his favourite or maybe one of his sons /son's in law if he is a bit old school)

Separate the congratulations conversation and the money bit!

whattheseithakasmean · 24/04/2015 06:36

This is how it goes for children of divorced parents, assets leave the family. My dads widow inherited & I guess when she dies it will go to her family. She doesn't have children, so I suppose her siblings will benefit. My only worry is the family photos she has. If I can get them back when she goes I will be happy as they will mean diddly squat to her family. Your parents divorce actually sucks for your entire life.

rootypig · 24/04/2015 06:45

I would start by pointing out that his marriage will invalidate his previous will - he may not know it.

KERALA1 · 24/04/2015 07:01

Prh47 think the life interest for spouse was removed in oct 2014 to simplify things. So the first 250k plus half remainder to spouse other half remainder to kids. Property included in that. Property only goes automatically all to spouse if they own as joint tenants which doesn't sound like the case here.

tb · 24/04/2015 10:53

Marriage doesn't necessarily invalidate a will if it is made 'in contemplation' of marriage.

He could always leave his new wife a life interest or usufruit in everything and then for the disposal of things to be as if he hadn't married.

Joysmum · 24/04/2015 11:04

I would ask him to ensure that he makes a will so that sentimental items continue to be passed down through blood relatives.

As for the bulk of his estate, that doesn't need to be mentioned as you said you're not bothered.

Hedgesinthewind · 24/04/2015 11:14

I get where your coming from.My father almost did this, until one of my siblings approached him about the way this would disinherit his grandchildren, in favor of someone else's children/grandchildren. She was quite tough about it.

I get that it isn't about the money, although it also is about the money.My dad had quite a bit to leave.He was thoghtless and my sister pulled him up on it.

In the end,he didn't remarry, but the point was made. Money is symbolic of care in my family, andthis was just one more example of my fathers thoughtlessnes of his own children.

kinkyfuckery · 24/04/2015 11:17

I'm so glad my parents will likely have nothing of financial worth to leave after their deaths. I worry that my elder brother would be exactly the type of greedy fucker you see on Mumsnet at times,

Joysmum · 24/04/2015 11:22

Money is symbolic of care in my family

Luckily it's not in mine, otherwise I'd have a deficit of love from my dad who remarried. He'd paid off his £180,000 home but remarried the most amazing lady who had no money and 4 very loved children. Now I'd get a 1/5 share and they must feel more loved because they'll get an inheritance!

It's my sincere hope they spend the lot and have a great last 1/3 of their lives.

Hedgesinthewind · 24/04/2015 11:28

Money is not the only thing that says care in my family, and we are not a 'greedy fucker' family.We are quite pragmatic about it,but that happens in families where there's reasonably substantial inherited wealth,ime.My father has always been concerned about budgetingetc, and his meanness (another inherited trait!)was a cause of friction between him and my mother when they were married.So straight talking about money wasnt unusual -but of course most people see it as 'greedy' - so typical. Its just envy

Hedgesinthewind · 24/04/2015 11:29

And yes,I want both my parents to spend to enjoy themselves& not leave me anything.BUt if they have stuff to leave which is related to our family lives together,it should go to us,their children.Not some other persons children or grandchildren.

Charley50 · 24/04/2015 12:06

Yes of course money is symbolic of care! We live in a country/world where increasingly those with inherited money and property are the ones that do well, and whose children thrive and get the best opportunities. I don't see a problem with the OP worrying about money as well as family knick-knacks.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 24/04/2015 12:10

My DGM didn't have any money to leave, but all her bits and pieces, furniture and family photos stayed in the marital home. It really upset us all. On that basis, I would have the awkward conversation.

Charley50 · 24/04/2015 12:11

It's an understandable emotional response.

LurcioAgain · 24/04/2015 12:29

Funnily enough, I had this conversation explicitly with my 70 odd year old DF - because he cited it as a reason for not pursuing a woman he's clearly very attracted to. He was worried about marriage cutting into mine and DS's inheritance, precisely because he is and always has been a feminist and takes the view that marriage should be a partnership of complete equality and that anything less than a complete sharing of finances - however much or little you bring to the relationship - would not be a proper marriage. So he couldn't go into a marriage without halving the inheritance DS and I would eventually get. I told him to go ahead because ultimately it is his money which he has worked all his life for and his happiness - not mine. (Obviously it would be nice to inherit more - but I'm firmly of the view that inheritances should be viewed as a very nice lucky windfall, not a right).

Having said that, I'm in the position of watching my father who still has all his marbles becoming genuinely attracted to a very nice woman, not of watching an elderly relative who is mentally vulnerable potentially being taken advantage of by someone who does not have his best interests at heart.

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