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Original poster

Emotionally still attached

53 replies

Cant816 · 22/04/2015 22:19

My partner and I have been together for 16 months, he still pays the mortgage and bills in the house his wife lives in, they aren't divorced yet and she doesn't work, is this normal?

OP posts:
feelrejected · 23/04/2015 10:02

Agree that your "sad really" lacks any kind of understanding or empathy. Are you younger than your partner OP? Have you yourself been married and/or do you have children?

Anniegetyourgun · 23/04/2015 10:08

On a purely practical note, that house is also his asset. If he just stops paying and it gets repossessed he stands to lose a lot. It's probably in his own interests as much as his ex-wife's to keep everything ticking over until the finances are finalised.

Emotionally, even if his marriage was effectively over and meeting you just gave him the final shove, would you really want to be romantically involved with someone who could stroll away from all his previous commitments, the wife who relied on him for income, the children who may be adults but may not yet be independent? Don't you prefer a man who can behave responsibly?

gildedcage · 23/04/2015 10:10

Why should she move on? Because it inconveniences you? Presumably he made a decision that she had no part in.

What is truly sad is that had you not involved yourself with a married man then you would not be in this position and could freely dictate the pace rather having your life on hold.

It has only been 18 months and already trouble in paradise. I wish happiness to you both but it sounds frankly awful.

In respect of the settlement that's got nothing to do with you. Let him get on with it.

It's easy for a 22 year old to say just move on, ask her again in 25 years.

Original poster
Cant816 · 23/04/2015 10:25

Goodness me ladies we have got our nappies in a twist

So glad I asked a simple question

OP posts:
gildedcage · 23/04/2015 10:28

Not really...I've never been cheated on and I'm not financially dependent on anyone. You just sound a bit sad...like I said enjoy!

fairylightsbackintheloft · 23/04/2015 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feelrejected · 23/04/2015 10:35

My partner and I have been together for 16 months, he still pays the mortgage and bills in the house his wife lives in, they aren't divorced yet and she doesn't work, is this normal?

Yes, in the circumstances you describe, it is normal.

Anniegetyourgun · 23/04/2015 10:45

Your latest post says more about you than it can possibly say about anyone else, OP.

Only1scoop · 23/04/2015 10:55

And how.

confusedoflondon · 23/04/2015 12:43

Maybe he still loves his wife very much and whilst you have a physical connection he has a nurturing connection with her. Perhaps he'll go back, who knows. As others have said the financials are literally none of your business so best thing is not to concern yourself on the normality of it or otherwise . Good luck.

middlethird · 23/04/2015 12:48

Anniegetyourgun spot on.

Quitelikely · 23/04/2015 12:49

They are still married so what's his is hers. You just want it to be yours? Yes.

Well that's a shame!

They have obviously been together for a very long time. He earns all the money while she had had the children. They have obviously built a life with his salary in mind and the wife still wants that life.

I think she deserves to keep it Blush

AnyFucker · 23/04/2015 12:56

I wonder if the wife is on Mumsnet

DoorToTheRiver · 23/04/2015 13:24

Delightful that you have such compassion for playing a part in fucking up some woman's life, I agree with Anniegetyourgun

He probably is still emotionally attached after such a long marriage, I do hope it is not troubling you too much.

BravingSpring · 23/04/2015 13:46

Thank goodness there aren't any small children involved.

Original poster
Cant816 · 23/04/2015 20:12

Thank you for all your messages some very helpful others rather amusing!

What will be will be! X

OP posts:
fairylightsbackintheloft · 23/04/2015 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gildedcage · 23/04/2015 22:06

Fairy don't be baited...no doubt the OP will get what she gives.

MakeHayRidesAgain · 23/04/2015 22:13

Reported this thread. Don't believe it for a moment.

NickiFury · 23/04/2015 22:25

It's so good to see a selfish man get his comeuppance in the shape of a new thoroughly nasty new partner. Keep up the good work, he's stuck with you now Smile.

StrongAsAnOx · 23/04/2015 22:37

Cant816

Please spend a moment to imagine what it is like to spend all of your adult life with someone, raising children together, making plans together, dreaming together, making love together and then for your best friend and life partner to turn around, cheat on you and tell you to jump onto the scrap heap. Have you any notion of what it means to give up a career to place your children at the forefront? Have you any idea of what you are taking on? Step children who will hate you? A partner who thinks nothing of cheating? - yup, get ready for when he chucks you on the scrap heap too.
Your post makes you sound quite extraordinarily entitled and lacking in insight. I suspect that you meant it genuinely and that you are young or inexperienced in the bigger issues of raising a family. However, please please open your eyes and see that the ex wife may be a real person rather than a discard; a sweet, kind, hurt, intelligent, capable, charming, beautiful, funny, talented, sassy, sexy, downright brilliant, used and devastated woman and that in her present you might see your own future a few years down the road.

Only1scoop · 24/04/2015 06:44

Great name ....is your dad Brian

IrianofWay · 24/04/2015 11:20

This has to be a joke - in very poor taste Angry

Original poster
Cant816 · 24/04/2015 11:23

I have spent many moments thinking about the devastation all of this has caused to both families, we have both been in long marriages and ending them was extremely difficult for us all.

I'm an older woman not young or inexperienced, I have raised a family.

I dare say his wife is all of the things you mention above however you don't know the full picture.

all I asked was" is it normal to still be paying for everything 16 months on", if it is normal then that's all I needed to hear, I don't mind criticism as it had made me think about other things and see it from a different perspective.

OP posts:
confusedoflondon · 24/04/2015 12:04

Can we assume from that you exh doesn't pay for your home etc so you feel an imbalance?