I have suspected that his friendship with a particular woman was more than just chatting about their shared disability (she has had it for life, his came on in the last 10 years, they met at the clinic they both attend and mum knew they were in touch). She lives a good distance away, he doesnt drive and cant use public transport alone so I am sure there has been no physical contact that mum doesnt know about, but this is definitely an emotional affair.
The landline was always engaged when I rang if mum wasnt there and he would say "oh I must have not put the receiver back properly" every single time. Once or twice ok, but every time? I would pop round and if mum wasnt there he would practically throw me out and again, the landline would be engaged. I know it doesnt sound like much but my dad never uses the phone to chat to anyone, he is the cliche of a man on the phone in that he just uses it for the bare minimum and thats it, hour long calls are not his thing.
A few weeks back he had a real rant at me about mum, stuff that yes is true but the way he was saying it ..... its hard to describe....at the time I thought it was odd but he does get down sometimes and she can be naggy about certain things to do with his health. Sometimes he needs nagging, sometimes she does go on, but he was ranting like she was some complete harridan on his back every second of the day, which simply isnt true. I am there a lot and I know that she isnt like that. Looking back I think this was part of the self justification "Its ok because my wife is a cow who is always nagging me".
Anyway skip to this morning and I get a text message that was clearly meant for the OW. It couldnt have been for mum because a) she was with him as they are on holiday and b) it said (amongst other things) that he missed her. As I say, he is with mum so he wouldnt be saying that, and there is no way it was meant for me as that was not the kind of text you send a daughter. It was explicit or anything, thank god. I was sitting there in shock as it confirmed what I suspected and more, it said that he loved her. :(
Then my phone rings and its him all bright and breezy and asking did I just text him (all confused) and said No, but the message you just sent clearly wasnt for me. Again all confused oh I dont know what that was and I got angry and said "Dont bullshit me, I know whats going on, we will talk when you get back" (later today) and he got serious and said ok and asked me to delete the message. I have screenshot it, saved in 4 places and then deleted the message so mum or my kids dont see it.
I am going to fucking KILL HIM!!!! The bastard.
This would destroy mum, it really would. My sister would go fucking bananas and if my mum found out that I knew she would never trust me again. She was abusive when we were kids, she had severe hormonal problems 3 weeks out of 4 (untreated, the doctors were not sympathetic) and its only really been in the last 7 or 8 years that we have formed any kind of relationship. For the first time I can say that I love her and she loves me, we spend time together and have fun. That will all end if this comes out and she knows I knew. How fucking dare he?! I wont let, I just wont.
I am not going to tell her, I cant tell her, but thats for her sake (and mine) not his. I am going to tell him that I have saved the message, that he ends it with OW and that I am only covering for him ONCE, and thats it. If he doesnt end it or if he starts it up again then I will tell her and I will not be held responsible for the absolute shit storm that will be unleashed.
I am so angry, I am shaking. Have been in tears twice already.
How could he do this?! She is there for him every single day, takes him to all his appointments, drives across the country to get him the best care, advocated for him with the consultant was being a twat, helps him with his meds, got him counselling when he needed it to deal with his disability and actually ENCOURAGED him in his friendship with OW!!! Yes she is a bit of a nag, but sometimes he does need a kick up the arse, his health would be a lot worse if it wasnt for her and he has acknowledged that. He knows he is his own worst enemy, he was diagnosed with COPD and she was really patient about him (finally) giving up smoking even though frankly he was a complete bastard at the time, a fact he does NOT acknowledge.
I cant tell her can I? I dont know what to do, I have to be all bright and breezy when they get back when inside I want to rip his fucking head off and shit down his neck.
Oh and he said on the phone, quite emphatically, that nothing was going on so presumably he is using the defence of "its not cheating, we have never had sex". Wanker probably literally, yuck If its not cheating then a) why do I need to delete the text? b) why did he send it when mum wasnt there (he told me she was coming back when I was on the phone which is when I hung up) c) why is he telling another woman he loves her in a way that is not matey or familial? d) why is he fucking panicking about having sent it to me?
The mans a fucking maggot.
Havent proofread, I need to rant so sorry for typos etc