GP took DCs to visit NC relatives.... fuming!

[HowYaLikeThemApples]

I've posted before about my in-laws favouring my eldest 2 DC's over my youngest two DC's (always taking the eldest two on days out, sleepovers, etc, but never asking the youngest two).

Well finally this weekend they asked if DC3 would also like to go over. I'm not fussed about DC4 as she's still a bit of a handful so best to stay with me.

So DC1 and DC3 are collected while DC2 and DC4 stay at home with me. I thought they were going back to the in-laws house and would play around there for a while, maybe go down to the local play area. All the stuff the usually do with the DCs, therefore I didn't ask what their plans were.

On returning them that evening I asked DS3 if he had had a nice time, and he said he had been down to the park. Lovely, smiles all around. In-laws go off home.

On speaking to DS3 later on it actually transpired the in-laws had taken them to visit a family member who we have been NC with for the past few years. On leaving this house my in-laws told the DCs not to tell anyone they had been there, so they absolutely knew they were in the wrong.
DS3 said he knew this was strange and apologised for lying when he said he had been to the park, but that the grandparents were standing behind him so he had to lie. He was in floods of tears but I reassured him he had done the right thing by telling me the truth.

My DH is definitely going to speak to them about this over the coming week, but I'm just so angry that they took them somewhere they knew they shouldn't have and then ASKED MY CHILDREN NOT TO TELL ME!

I really don't want to fall out with my in-laws but how do we word this conversation? I need to use some diplomacy but I want to make it clear in no uncertain terms what they have done is wrong!

But that's the trouble with manipulative people! They manipulate and you don't even realise it until afterwards. Too late.

I cannot think why you have allowed them to make your ds3 feel so terrible.

I would have gone non contact at such conduct. It's disgraceful on the gp's part and pretty poor that you allowed it to happen for so long.

Horrible grandparents. I'm sorry for you and your dcs

Im afraid myself winkywola is spot on about about manipulative people.

If you do think they would be manipulative then again, supervised contact only is the best way to go ... and slowly teach your children over the years how to look at people's motives and if they want the best for you, or not.

I think I would go NC with them too, in the circumstances.

Many years ago there was a brilliant advertising campaign on Mexican television, telling children that anytime an adult asks you to keep a secret from your parents to say no and go and tell the nearest trustworthy adult. This point is so important for child safety, apart from all the other reasons why children shouldn't lie.

I don't know the ins and outs of the reasons for your going NC with those other people, so don't feel able to comment, but could it be that the GPs just don't get the gravity of telling children to lie and need it spelt out to them. A friend of mine the other day told me that he'd told his son to keep something (not a nice surprise) secret from his mum. He is well-intentioned and it just hadn't occurred to him the gravity of what he had done.

This is worth falling out over. They deliberate set out to lie and deceive you and to get your DC to do so as well.