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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Letter from my mother regarding contact after NC.

34 replies

DancingDays · 17/04/2015 14:22

I haven't spoken to her in years. DC1 has forgotten about her, DD2 was a baby and DS wasn't here. DD2 and DS have wide ranging health issues and SN. I live in the area I grew up and she has moved 50ish miles away. She hasn't sent cards or phoned etc since moving so has zero contact in years with DC.

A letter arrived via courier last night. She very formally states that she intends to see DC 1, 1/2 day every weekend or 1 full day every other weekend, increasing as things progress. She says she has the backing of My ExP and will fight for it if necessary.

I haven't been able to contact ExP but don't believe he would have given her support. My initial reaction is to ignore and see where she goes from here. or should I start taking action?

DD2s needs are quite complex and DS requires specialist training, he attends SN nursery. (But doesnt have a social worker.) So even if she fought for contact she wouldn't get unsupervised, would she?

DD1 is very happy, but I think knowing her grandparent may upset her completely so I am worried about her meeting her also.

My suspicion is that she has heard DD1s recent achievements in a sport she is socially involved with and wants to share in DD1s achievements.

Anyone experienced this? Is it common for GPs to get contact if they wish?

I will fight for her not to see DCs but not sure how likely it is that she would get to see them in our situation.

OP posts:
CorBlimeyTrousers · 17/04/2015 14:26

No experience but I'd be amazed if a family court ever granted her that kind of access. Many loving and supportive grandparents who have always been in their grandchildren's lives don't see as much of them as that. In fact I'm not sure grandparents have any rights to access at all.

You might want to get some formal advice though. Good luck.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/04/2015 14:36

In the UK grandparents have no automatic rights of access to see their grandchildren so I would not unduly worry myself about her actually seeing them in visits. Her letter was purely designed to both control, intimidate and frighten you. Presumably your ex partner became all too aware of what she is like so I cannot imagine she has gained his backing.

Apart from anything else she would have to make a formal application through the court system (making a contact order). She would have to persuade the court that she has a meaningful and on-going relationship with your grandchildren, which significantly benefits their lives. From what you write I cannot see that she has ever made any such effort.

Do not respond at all to her missive in any way. If you are still worried about this I would suggest having a chat with Solicitors to discuss this matter and to see if you can also get some form of non harassment order taken out against her.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 17/04/2015 14:44

I wrote out a long reply but Atilla has summed it up much better than me.

Don't respond to the letter at all. Flowers

Phoenix0x0 · 17/04/2015 14:54

Don't reply to the letter. Ignore. Ignore.ignore.

atilla is quite right.

lucycant · 17/04/2015 15:00

Anyone who has had regular contact with a child, can apply for access. But as she hasn't, I can't see that the courts would pay any attention to this at all.

LineRunner · 17/04/2015 15:06

She hasn't got a hope in hell of getting a contact order.

Does your exP have any contact at all with the DCs? He could invite her round, I suppose, on his time. More fool him.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 17/04/2015 15:07

Ignore, or reply saying you look forward to seeing her in court.
What about the other 2 DCs?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 17/04/2015 15:15

She very formally states that she intends to see DC 1, 1/2 day every weekend or 1 full day every other weekend, increasing as things progress.

I wouldn't grace this with a response nor would I check with ex.

Sending this by courier to make an impact will not make it happen, however formally she tries to phrase it.

Quitelikely · 17/04/2015 15:17

I would absolutely ignore her. Do nothing. Zilch.

The audacity is astounding!

Joysmum · 17/04/2015 16:00

Either ignore, or return to sender with hahahahah written on it Grin

Oldraver · 17/04/2015 16:06

I would ignore.

I was going to say the same as Linerunner...does your ex have any contact ?

cozietoesie · 17/04/2015 16:16

I'd completely ignore it - but I think I would seek a solicitor's advice privately just in case she persists foolishly on this path. A quick broadside on headed paper might well stop her in her tracks.

lucycant · 17/04/2015 16:19

On internet forums, it is common for people to be advised to send a legal sounding letter about what they want. Just ignore.

Original poster
DancingDays · 17/04/2015 16:24

Thanks for the responses, I couldn't even Google for fear she actually had the right to see them.

Ex has no contact, his decision, uped and left one day declaring parenting wasn't for him (after 3DCs Hmm ) and is notoriously difficult to contact now. So I think that's why she tried that angle.

I don't think she is even aware what month DS was born so she can't even begin to claim she's had contact previously.

I will ignore the letter and hope she loses interest quickly.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 17/04/2015 16:29

Bless her.

I wonder if it would work if I went to my nearest Porsche dealership and informed them that I intended to take one of their cars home free of charge that night.

cozietoesie · 17/04/2015 16:33

Well I would take some sandwiches with you Jack. It could be a long night what with you being in charge - of one sort or another!

Grin
LaurieFairyCake · 17/04/2015 16:34

I'd ignore it.

But if by the slim chance she has got your ex on side you may here from him wanting to restart contact - and he may take them to hers.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 17/04/2015 17:15

But it is not 'them', is it? It is just one out of the 3 DCs that the Mil wants to see.

cozietoesie · 17/04/2015 17:25

Yes indeed - I'd overlooked that. Presumably the one that she can 'feel proud of and take to restaurants'. She's on a hiding to nothing in any case but that's noteworthy.

Fairenuff · 17/04/2015 17:28

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

If you get any more letters from couriers, refuse to sign for them.

WhatABaklava · 17/04/2015 17:46

100% agree with all the "ignores"

she's trying to scare you into agreeing to this. She has no rights.

Don't worry!!

babbityann · 17/04/2015 18:15

Have to echo the 'ignore,ignore,ignore's.'. Do not even attempt to answer her.
How dare she?
She hasn't a leg to stand on!

ShizeItsWeegie · 17/04/2015 18:30

No wonder you are NC with this deluded woman OP! Agree with Fairenuff don't sign for another of these and it will be returned to her unopened. She doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell of getting anything you don't want to give her. I would have a word with the school though as once rebuffed, that will be her next port of call. You are doing well to remain resolute in protecting your DCs from this toxic woman.

Meerka · 17/04/2015 19:16

what lauriefairycakes says. But other than that, it's laughably bluff on her part.

But don't accept another courier-delivery from her. Even stuff from a solicitor would not be believable though you'd have to at least accept them.

plentyofshoes · 17/04/2015 23:02

I had a similar threat from my nc mother via a solicitor. Ds was only a few weeks old, just out of intensive care and finally home when that one arrived.
I got legal advice and they have no rights. My only regret is that I replied to the woman.