Just some un-opinionated advise

[CareBear04]

Hey, So I've been with my boyfriend four years, we lived together for the past year and it wasn't how I imagined it to me, we've argued almost on a daily basis, recently we decided to move out of rented accommodation and go back to our parents to save for our own place. The problem is, I've been having itchy feet the past 5 months, I then made a massive mistake and cheated on him with a colleague. He doesn't know this and I don't wish to tell him as I feel it is just unnecessary heartbreak for him. I know i have to break up with him for both of us. How could I walk down the isle with such a lie on my shoulders? the thought of ending it and knowing I'll break his heart makes me physically sick. I don't know how to do it or what to say without him thinking it's him that's caused it. Please Help!!

darling, you said yourself you have argued daily - how is that normal?

just do what you know you have to do and as quickly as poss and you BOTH will be fine

Im not airbrushing the infidelity out at all. I'm trying to answer her question.

She knows the situation is not right, she knows she has to break up with him, she knows what she did is wrong. If she didn't - and she did - then this thread would have made it patently clear.

why keep on battering her? Some of the people here seem to want steel on their bootcaps and then sharpen that steel. Relationships is supposed to be supportive with some tough love if necessary, not grinding someone's face into the dirt. This thread isn't tough love, its bloody mean.

I hope the OP - if she's still around - can actually find a way forward and she was asking for help in HOW to TELL him it's over. Not 'should I tell him it's over".

I was wondering about the mean reaction. I think (rightly or wrongly) it's the lack of contrition and/or the apparent motive for seeking advice.

In a way I wonder if the spelling even pisses people off?!

There are some seriously warped ideas about honesty being kindness. Just break up with him as quickly and painlessly as possible. Admitting an incidence of infidelity will hardly make things better for him. He definitely dies NOT 'deserve' this so-called honesty.

As for STDs from one incident, this is unlikely and, if a concern, OP can get herself tested to rule it out.

I cannot get my head around the idea of him'deserving' to know. No kids, relationship over anyway. Let him go with dignity intact ...

I think she is sorry ... she called it a 'massive mistake' and asks how she could possibly walk down the aisle with such a lie on her shoulders, and she's worried about breaking his heart ... she hasn't said so overtly but I'm guessing she does feel very bad about it and knows she really messed up.

Some people either have been cheated on themselves or else they just like to rub salt in the wounds. Though there's a gleefulness about some of the posts that just makes me think the mean-spirited brigade are about.

this is unlikely
Why? This is exactly why STDs are so rife in our society now. This attitude is not the right one!
It is possible though and he could shag 5 women before her test results come back and if they aren't clear then he's passed that onto 5 other women - times that out again and again etc......

It is totally irresponsible not the get tested after unprotected sex.
If they used a condom then fair enough but if not then he needs to get checked out before he can pass any tiny possibility onto anyone else.

Carebear, when you moved out of rented and back to parents, was it really to save money to buy a place or could it have just been a good excuse to stop the horrible daily arguments? You say you've had itchy feet for the past 5 months; is it possible he feels the same?

Do you not love him or is it the dread of cohabiting again that's making you twitchy? I think that's an important distinction to make. If you love him but not the living together part then talk to him about it. Were the arguments about something fixable or not?

If you don't love him and don't want to be with him, then just tell him it's not working for you any more and end it. I know it's hard. Keep it short and as kind as possible, but do it.

Hello Care

Since you do not currently live together

Playing devils advocate

How do you know that he has not cheated on you ?

-----

You are obviously unhappy in your current relationship

Suggest saying that since you moved back to your parents that you have had time to think about your relationship & you dont see a future together

When you lived together the daily arguements were not a good omen for the future

Keep it short & to the point do not go into details about the arguements

Suggest face to face & on neutral ground

Better to split sooner than later

Good luck