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Original poster

So did I overact with DH..should I apologise

32 replies

lupo · 03/11/2006 10:17

Please advise. Dh and I have been going through a bit of a rough patch and he has also been working away abroad, frequently but normally only a couple of nights.

This morning he had to get up at 3am to get a flight from stanstead, and when he woke up he had a 20 min shower which woke ds up. I wasnt happy and started moening at him and told him that next time he had to get up so early his co should put him in hotel night before. HE said I was shouting at him - i wasnt, ds then wanted dh to give him his milk (ds only wants dh in the night)I asked him if he could take 2 mins to do it, so I could get ds back to bed after, he said 'why doesnt ds ever want you, you are his mother and 'if I miss my flight you can bloody well pay for it'. I had to ask dh to feed him quickly as he was screaming for him, he hardly sees him so when he does he wants him.

would you be annoyed if ds had been woken in this way, or should I have kept my mouth shut and not told him to get a hotel next time. should i text and apologise..please help.

We finally got to sleep at 5, dh then phoned at 8, waking me up and said 'as directed, i am phoining you to say i have landed'. he could have texted, he sounded very stroppy

OP posts:

charliecat · 03/11/2006 10:19

I think you should have fed the baby and let him get ready for work.
Poor bugger getting up at that time in the morning.

mascaraohara · 03/11/2006 10:21

Sorry but I think you are in the wrong... I've done the 3am for a flight mornings in the past and they're not nice. I think you were in the wrong, sorry again.. and I think you should do something extra nice for him to apologise.

HumphreyComfreyCushion · 03/11/2006 10:22

3am is not a great time for anyone to have to get up, and it sounds like you were both tired and grumpy and took it out on each other.

I think you should apologise to each other.

marymillington · 03/11/2006 10:23

you were/are both tired, its miserable having to do those early starts.

but as someone whose partner unfailingly wakes them and their 2 year old every tuesday at 5 am when he gets up to get a train to london, i totally sympathise.

he probably should get a hotel next time, but you probably could have found a better moment to suggest it.

Twiglett · 03/11/2006 10:23

I think he should have fed the baby

and I think you got cross cos you were all woken up .. why couldn't he just sneak out the house quietly

but .. I think you should just apologise and regain the peace

joelallie · 03/11/2006 10:24

Hmmm apologies all round I think. Hard to be human at that time of the morning.

GunpowderTreasonAndSNOT · 03/11/2006 10:24

I would apologise first, definitely, and I know if I did, dh would then apologise even more profusely, and we would both be really relieved and not give a bugger whose fault it really was. I suspect his phoning rather than texting means that he was hoping that might happen - dh would do that. We are both stubborn sulkers but we hate falling out. Are you and your dh like this?

Dior · 03/11/2006 10:25

Message withdrawn

mascaraohara · 03/11/2006 10:26

I think you should also bare in mind that he's not getting up at 3am for the fun of it, is he... he's getting up at that time to go to work to look after his family.. I have to say I really feel for your DH today.

FoghornLeghorn · 03/11/2006 10:32

I would be annoyed at the fact he woke DS up, not annoyed at the fact he didn't have time to feed him, he was trying to catch a flight after all.

My DH gets up at 5am every morning and sometimes wakes DD up when he closes the back door, it is very frustrating but can't be nearly as bad as it is for him getting up at 5am every day.

aweebitgross · 03/11/2006 10:36

Oh for goodness sake Mascara, she was woken in the middle of the night! It was 3am..she was sleepy, her baby was crying... I would and have said far worse to my dh! In fact we fell out this morning as he was up at 6.20 and turned on the kitchen TV and woke DS (2) who is as sick as a dog... ds cried for daddy..and daddy walked out the back door to work, leaveing ds crying, and by the time I got him out of his cot he was bawling and had woke dd (5). I would text him maybe, asking how he is, but I would make sure he said sorry too.. especially if he knows, like my dh does, that a mouse would waken ds! Did he feed ds in the end up? Have to say, I wouldn;t have made him feed him, but I would have been angry at him being woke, especially if he usually sleeps all night ling!

mascaraohara · 03/11/2006 10:41

Oh for goddness sake yourself.. She asked if she over-reacted, in my opinion she did. I have been in her DH's position and I can see it from his point of view.. nowhere in the title or OP does it say "only post if you think I'm right".

Or can you only post on threads if you agree with the woman now?

aweebitgross · 03/11/2006 10:44

Why are you taking offence? why? I was simply saying that the last sentence of your post was teeny bit overdramatic "I have to say I really feel for you dh today" why?? 'cos she got cross at him in the middle of the night? Her reaction was entirely normal... suppose you would have got up and smiled lovingly and warmed up his towel for him?

And I have said also that I wouldn't agree with asking him to feed ds.

mascaraohara · 03/11/2006 10:47

I feel for him, because the poor sod had to get up at 3am to do a job he probably hates.. drive to an airport, go through the pita trauma of catching a bloody flight, get a hire car/taxi whatever to his destination - probably had to be there for 9am sit through how many hours of meetings or what have you probably have to fly back tonight or stay in a poxy hotel... it's shite.. and the day was started by a row with the one person he's doing it all for... that's all.

ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG · 03/11/2006 10:48

Speaking from the point of view of someone who is permanently knackered and does not deal well with sleep deprivation even after six years of it.. I think maybe you sohuld text and apologise.. and should probably have given DS his milk too.. but there is no definite should or should nots about it. You are only human. But I can imagine that DH might off gone off feeling a bit hard done by.. which could then create further tension and resentment as people tend to exaggerate things in their minds after the event and he could maybe stop seeing it for what it was.. a little strop between two tired people.

So an apology would be nice.. and he may well apologise too. Important thing is to not let it turn into a bigger issue than it is. Smooth it over and make it go away because it's not worth any ongoing resentment.

ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG · 03/11/2006 10:49

Sorry but PMSL at Mascara and WBG snapping nastily at each other about other people snapping nastily at each other...

mascaraohara · 03/11/2006 10:53

not snapping but lol, can see how it would be taken like that.. my 'for godness sake' was tongue in cheek.

Mellowma · 03/11/2006 10:55

Message withdrawn

wannaBe1974 · 03/11/2006 10:56

I agree totally with Mascara. "we didn't get back to sleep until 5", well your dh won't get to go back to sleep until tonight some time - if he was getting up at 3 to go out on the piss it would be a different matter but he's doing it to provide for his family fgs.

marymillington · 03/11/2006 11:13

yeah, and she's got to look after his family on her own until he returns - it can be a bloody long day when you start out knackered.

he should have been more considerate and tried a bit harder not to wake the baby up.

but i would still apologise.

anniemac · 03/11/2006 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 03/11/2006 12:00

I have to get up at that time sometimes for work. It's awful. I think you should apologise and give him a hug even if he might have been a bit in the wrong. I had a 20 hour working day last week with an early start. It's not fun, travelling isn't glamorous and if you're resented by your family for doing it it's even harder. My feminist solution would be for you to have a similar job too so that on some days he's left with the children all day and you're getting up at 3am to catch flights but I don't suppose you'll want to take up that suggestion.

marymillington · 03/11/2006 12:17

maybe the shower was cold and he swore a lot, and loudly
(that's what DH does)

frumpygrumpy · 03/11/2006 12:22

My DH regularly gets up in the wee small hours to fly away. He showers and shaves before bed now so he can slip about more quietly. Its hard when sleep is precious but try to shrug it off. Sounds like you are needing a Saturday lunch for just the two of you, with papers and a fry up to remember you are in it together . Good luck.

p.s. its ok for ds to learn that mum or dad will do, it will make life easier in the long run.

SSSandy · 03/11/2006 12:28

I think men have no concept of creeping silently about the house so they don't wake up other people. I've entirely given up on it. When dd was a baby and finally asleep, both of us snoring in unison, dh would come home from work, say at 10 pm. BANG! Front door. Clodhopping about on our wooden floors. For some reason his damn shoes all have to have metal caps on the soles, so it's like an elephant tap-dancing about.

If that hadn't woken us up, he'd clomp into the kitchen slam fridge door and the cupboard doors, scrape the chair along the floor, bang with plates and cutlery, run a bath, watch some LOUD TV. I could have MURDERED HIM!

6 years down the track it's the same, whether at 4 am (yesterday) in the morning or 11-12 pm (most nights). Only thing I've achieved is getting him to close the front door with a key instead of banging it and taking off those bl* shoes when he comes indoors.

Feel for you, cook him a nice meal when he gets back, have some wine (the baby'll sleep better!) and have a bit of fun together. Don't think you really need to apologise, these things happen.

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