Dysfunctional FOO Bingo

[HilarysMantelpiece]

I am starting this thread for my own benefit.

I am choosing to attend a family-of-origin event/celebration this weekend for my nephew.
He is my godson and I am very fond of him.
In attendance (lets mark them off our cards) will be

• the golden child
• the child like parent
• the peacemaker
• the hero
• various other assorted family members, in-laws, etc.
• and me, the scapegoat.

For jollies (!) I am assembling a list of expected phrases, arguments, dramas, negativity, and events.
If I get a full card, I shall treat myself to the full bottle of gin that I shall secrete in my suitcase along with my ipad...(probably won't be full within an hour of arrival). Not to worry MN, I am a very chirpy drunk and it will, in fact, ensure that the whole ordeal is bearable.

1. I shall be the first to arrive and will be welcomed warmly....which will be the host's last words to me for the rest of the day.
2. "She always looks at me as if I was something she brought in on her shoe" (said about me)
3. "After all I've done for her" (ditto)
4. There will be at least one ambush where I am placed in a situation where previous arguments are re-hashed in front of an audience in such a way as to make me seem unreasonable.
5. Negative remarks about various celebrities, other people visiting, co-workers; no positivity or sense of buoying people up.
6. "I was only joking" response to someone's upset at their remarks.
7. At some point, I will be left with sole charge of the 15-20 children attending.
8. "You look lovely" accompanied by a once-over which gives the opposite message

Gosh, I'm at 8 and running out......

Aha. Another.

24. Carefully phrased questions as to the wellbeing of the father of my older 2 DC. As we're all so reasonable don'cha know? We're being so accepting of our black sheep who has divorced the shame, the shame

Wonder if I can get to 50?
This will be great fun to mark off!

Well, you could always play one-woman chinese telephone. You know, whisper a factoid about someone else at the party and see what you hear back at the end of the event. As in "Hmm, I see Uncle Alky is dipping into the punch quite a bit, I don't like to say he has a problem, but……..". If it gets spun into "Hilary, I hear you've been smoking Crack", you get another 25 points.

You know, my own family is really tops. But I used to work in a real nest of vipers (male and female) that always promoted itself as 'one happy family'. Mandatory work dos were a nightmare of snark, plots, and backstabbing. I can only imagine getting that shit from your own family.

Hmmmm pond.

I really don't want to sink to that level IYKWIM?

I prefer to just detach and not play the games.
You are right- the Chinese Whispers thing will happen if I disclose anything personal .
e.g. new client overseas (phone and Skype type consulting) will turn into "I hear you're thinking of moving to Iceland?"

I don't put out any negativity as I think it bounces back to you.

You're right, of course. It's better to take the high road. Plus it often surprises those who don't!

YY....high moral ground... they can't undermine you if you don't do it yourself...rise above..... etc etc

God .... I do sound quite pompous.

I'm not really. I'm lovely. You'd like me.

Thought of another one.

25. 1 point for every conversation that lapses into silence when I come into the room / obvious subject change as I approach

You know, I think #25 is the hardest thing for me to deal with. Say anything you want to my face, I'll fight back. But that damned instant silence……it's so frustrating.

Of course you can always award yourself a point for bouncing up and saying cheerily "So, what were you just talking about? Me, I hope, because I hate to be left out" or "Ooooh, my ears were just burning, you must be talking about me! What did I do now?" < gives a loopy grin as if it's a ridiculous thought>.

Lemon with that, dear?

I like your style, friend. Particularly the ears burning one. Must see if there is some way I can work it in.

Actually, thinking about it

26. Immediate "Bingo" if the response to
"Ooooh, my ears were just burning, you must be talking about me! What did I do now?"

is "Don't be ridiculous/paranoid/so sensitive...of course we're not talking about you".
Most likely with huffy, stalking off by one or other participants.

I get the #25 at big family dos aswell, I have perfected the art of totally ignoring it and the facial expressions that come with it go at them all bright and breezy like you never noticed it happen!

Then you award yourself a bottle of fine wine to be drunk the first evening you are home. that's a really good one, that last one!

I've got some Grey Goose? (don't like vodka so it sits there year after year)
Have never been able to manage breezy (I am intense).
But I can do "fake it til you make it", right?

A bottle of fine wine, you say, meerka?

A (small) bottle of champagne chilling at home... with a take away from our lovely local curry house. Ummmmmm nom. I'm starting to look forward to this.

Seriously, this is lightening the load.
My "normal" reaction to a family event is a background sense of dread, a reluctance to pack, sabotaging myself by leaving everything until the last moment.
This time, I've already started the packing, kids know what they have to put together, I have bought the ingredients for the dishes that I am bringing with me (don't ask.... I do a lovely, lovely Delia lemon thing that is my "signature" and have been nicely asked to bring it with me).

I hate to impose, but I will be on here over the weekend. Keep an eye for me, eh? I may need buttressing.

I shall look forward to your updates Hilarys

We'll urge you on!

I'll be around, too.

Ooooh, award extra points if you can make them ALL huff and stalk away! Another point if you can stand there looking surprised and innocent!

How about a violent norovirus attach instead?

Nothing matches the hell that is spending time with my FOO.

I nodded throughout your OP. Good luck.

Power to all FOO Fighters!

I love the Foo Fighters (band)

I also love Stevie Nicks!

      (Poor sense of boundaries... <span class="italic">family stuff</span> doncha' see) 

Thank you. What a team! as pocket said earlier, I feel ready for deployment for battle.
I can see you all in fatigues, bunkered down with your laptops watching the action

I saw the comment about the noro-virus and then noted your user name random..... a complete co-incidence, surely?

pond it is tempting to go for the easy scores of making "them ALL huff and stalk away". However, I shall be noble, and rise above. Aim for the more difficult targets, I think.
(Note: angel on one shoulder, shouting over devil on other shoulder.....No, I will not make them huff and walk away. No! shush! )

Steve I do often think of myself as a FOO fighter (know nothing about the band- I thought they were an older version of Black-Eyed-Peas) (WRONG!)

Meerka are you volunteering to keep score?

Please note our complicated detailed scoring system outlined above (corporate)

Stevienicks welcome.

Any gems to add to my bingo card?

Oh oh got a good one.

27 I will be invited to agree with a family members assessment of a third family member in a way that dismisses who I am.

e.g. I was on my own with 2 DC, 1st DH had left us. I was on my knees. Self employed, 2 babies, one with SN. No support.
Had a weekend of listening to how wonderful SIL is, as her DH (my DB) was away for a week of work overseas. She was "coping" alone for the week, with only 2 MIL to help with after school care. That stung like mad. Still does a bit.

< for everyone>

Sorry to hurt in but could you possibly, upon hearing another twisted story concerning yourself, sit on the edge of your chair and leaning forwards exclaim "ooh how does this one end?" with the eagerness of a child and the simultaneous implication that their BS won't wash? Then finish your glass and go for a refill

oops. meant butt in*

Dino t'is a large Bingo hall here. Loads of room, you're not butting in.

I'm quite wary of prodding the giant.... it feels passive aggressive to say things like that TBH.
I've had years of trying to change myself , then becoming wiser, and recognising that I'm Ok, I can't change them, and they won't change cos it works for them.

So, arms length it is then.

Darn it. Lost detailed post.
Anyone care to play?

Have been here for 24 hours.
Tried to get out for headclearing run this morning 6.30ish.
Foiled by parent who told me wanted to come with me.

We've had the detailed empathetic discussion of recent headline tragedies.
Would impress as being considerate, except for elements of victim blaming.