Disappearing act

[Dexter2012]

Been with Dh for 6 years-2kids- try to keep it short. He is aloof and sometimes detached- very moody- often can just tell by looking at his face when he's not happy- yet he will deny this when asked and just switch off from me and the kids. he drinks heavily sometimes which I think contributes to his mood swings. Every few months or so we will have a row resulting in him walking out for few hours. Well last night he walked out - stayed out and returned today @ 3pm. He said he slept in the car didn't want to talk about it and wanted to sleep. I said if he wasn't prepared to talk about it he should go. He had a proper little tantrum storming upstairs saying you have said it now I will go and you will never see me again. Throwing stuff in the bag only to return 3 hours later as he couldn't find anywhere.

I am exhausted as have not slept- he was due to look after the kids today so I could work I had to call in sick as I didn't want to involve anyone else into the drama as too why he wasn't around. I am so tired of all the stress of wondering when his next drama is going to be when he's going to disappear for the night again. I know I can be nagging and insecure and myther him to the point that he just feels he can't do anything right.

I just don't know if I can carry on- he takes on board the issues when he dissapears and the damaging effect it has but continues to do it knowing how upsetting it is and just increases my insecurities and worsens my interrogating / nagging nature.

I guess I am just sounding off really as I can't seem to fathom how Friday we were getting on ok and fast forward to today and I am asking him to leave considering life as a single parent wondering if this really is the right thing to do.

In the early days he left me by just clearing out his stuff one day when I was at work. So a lot of my issues stem from that. Whilst we sorted that out at the time and decided to try again- fast forward to now 2 kids later and his disapearing acts only undermines my trust. thanks if you have got this far I reading sorry for the rant. Any support appreciated. :)

Dexter I am so sorry you are going through this. I could have written your post 10 yrs ago ( except the kids).
My ex would constantly leave for days sometimes and I would hear nothing. On one occasion I came home from work to find he had moved out just left no word. Eventually he must have got tired of not having someone to crap on because 1 month later he turned up begging me to come live with him. He was full of the usual how much he cared, he missed me how good we were together. It was 100s of miles from my family with little or no transport. I did and ended up working to keep us both and being told all the time how utterly pathetic, nagging, useless I was.
I stayed to long but eventually I got it, I left. He came round begging about 4 months and I'm ashamed to say I caved but after a couple of days it just felt wrong I could see him for the pathetic immature needy abusive control freak he was, and the spell was broken. It was amazing I felt free, it took me a long time to believe in myself again and to trust anyone who came into my life but eventually I did. I wish I hadn't wasted those years on him.
Be kind to yourself try not to chase him it gives him control. As others have said you can only control yourself not him. All the best.

Thank you LL i guessing you have been through something similar. appreciate the straight talking and advice your right it's not healthy.

Blar the initial shock of abandonment for me was replaced with disbelief and somewhat putting my head in the sand. Got nowhere to hide as previous poster said I am putting him before my kids right now which is just all wrong. The good bit is it's my house so he would be leaving. We were supposed to be going over his mums this week end. They adore the kids so much and desperate to see them gonna be harder telling them they won't be going.