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Original poster

Using the ex's name during sex

42 replies

brunette123 · 13/04/2015 20:36

Let's call my DP's ex Susan. Whilst giving him oral sex earlier he said "such a pretty sight having my cock sucked by Susan". We have been together 4 years! He says it was a mistake. He said sorry. I am trying not to overreact but I think it has killed everything for me. Luckily we do not live together. Am I overreacting? I know he would never put up with the same from me. I am so upset. He must have been thinking about her at the time.

OP posts:
SillyPops · 13/04/2015 20:37

I don't even know what to say. That comment alone - even if he'd used my name would creep me out. The fact he didn't use my name would be a deal breaker for me!

MadeMan · 13/04/2015 20:40

" He must have been thinking about her at the time."

With or without the name calling he could have been thinking about her or someone else anyway.

MadeMan · 13/04/2015 20:41

It's a facepalm moment though.

Mrsrochesterscat · 13/04/2015 20:46

I have a really bad memory for names and even mix up my own children's names with my friends/siblings/cousins. It may have been a genuine mistake.

LastTangoInBognor · 13/04/2015 20:47

I did this once. Not with quite such a weird turn of phrase as your DP, but I did it. It was awful. I spent about a million hours wanting to die and going 'oh my god I'm sorry' but DH is a great man and has never brought it up again.

In my defence (and possibly your DP's) I wasn't thinking of the ex at all. I wasn't really thinking anything, it just happened. Makes me feel a bit queasy just remembering.

DavidTennantsBeard · 13/04/2015 20:52

He's lucky you didn't bite his knob off lol.

Sorry I realise that doesn't help!

Original poster
brunette123 · 13/04/2015 20:52

He talks about her alot. Last night I had a go at him about this. Tonight he has told me that therefore she was on his mind - because I had brought up up - I did bring her up - to tell him to stop talking about her all the time. So it appears to be my fault.

OP posts:
Eustasiavye · 13/04/2015 21:00

Mmmm. I thought you were going to say you had been together several months, not years!

Not too sure what I would do except make it plain that you are not happy.

Ludways · 13/04/2015 21:04

I've called dh by my exes name, I've also called him the dogs name, it means nothing. The whole sentence though would creep me out as it is, wrong name or no.

Original poster
brunette123 · 13/04/2015 21:48

I would have been unhappy being called her name say on the phone or in a normal conversation - he and I spoke earlier this morning on the phone and he used my name - what makes it even worse for me is the context in which he said it - sex. I guess we are all different in how we would feel. I am going to bed and will see how I feel in the morning. I am not sure quite how sorry he is though - I feel he tried to shift the blame on to me. Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 13/04/2015 21:52

I always find this weird. Do people actually say their partner's name during sex in real life? I tried to do it once and it just sounded so ridiculous that I never ever repeated it.

I don't blame you for being upset I just find it really bizarre. I can't imagine DH saying "I love seeing (whatever) by Bertie!" because he doesn't usually refer to me in the third person.

holeintheworld · 13/04/2015 22:56

I only ever use the wrong name if im really angry. Go figure. :s

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 22:58

such a stilted and contrived thing to say can only have been done on purpose, IMO

DealForTheKids · 13/04/2015 23:02

My DH did this but we'd been going out a year and we'd seen her that day. A couple of years later we went NC with Her for various reasons (mostly because she's a vicious bitch) but I never brought it up, because it's the most awkward I've ever seen him. He felt AWFUL.

If we'd been together longer or haven't had the fact of seeing her that day I would not have been ok about it.

I think it might be worth a conversation and seeing how contrite he is.

TokenGinger · 13/04/2015 23:05

I've been separated from my ex for over two years. And despise the bastard. However, I was with him for a while and it's habit for me to want to moan his name during sex. Not becaus of "him" per se. But it comes as easily as me wanting to say "babe" or "honey".

It has nothing to do with me thinking about him. The other day with DP, I had to consciously stop myself from wanting to say it. But it wasn't until after sex that my ex entered my head and I just thought, what a wanker.

DealForTheKids · 13/04/2015 23:05

Cross-post - the fact he has made you feel like its your fault is really not good. What a dick. If it was a genuine mistake he would be dying.

JeanSeberg · 13/04/2015 23:10

He talks about her a lot

Mentionitis?

Momagain1 · 13/04/2015 23:10

24 years, and once in a while, the name of the man I dumped for dh comes out of my mouth when talking to or about dh. Not ever during sex though. i dont think. 24 years is a long time.

ThenThereWereEight · 13/04/2015 23:12

Ludways 'I've also called him the dogs name' - you called your DH the dog's name during sex? ShockShockShock

thehumanjam · 13/04/2015 23:14

Yuk. What a creepy unsexy thing to say. The name slip is the least of your worries!

BadNavyWife · 13/04/2015 23:16

I do the dog/DP switch constantly, but never during sex. It would freak me out a bit if he said MY name dtd though I think, there are only 2 of us in the room so I know he's talking to me!

Wotsitsareafterme · 13/04/2015 23:24

I have called dp my exh name before. Exh is a knob and dp knows a lot about my divorce etc so I feel v guilty about the name slip up. He either didn't notice or wasn't offended though he's never mentioned it. I have to keep reminding myself I've done it and not go batshit if he ever calls me his exw name!

Postchildrenpregranny · 13/04/2015 23:27

My DH called me 'darling' for years and hardly ever used my name .He had been married before, for ten years, and I think he was terrified of calling me 'ex wife's name' (he would deny this of course). My FIL did it quite often, at least in the beginning, and mortified MIL. I could quite understand why though . DH never has actually called me the wrong name ! And we have now been together for three and a half times as long as they were ...

MadeMan · 13/04/2015 23:33

Who's name does the dog call out when he's having sex?

AnyFucker · 13/04/2015 23:43

arf-er