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Original poster

Mil is EA to me, now dcs and possibly FIL

59 replies

maroonedwithfour · 12/04/2015 22:40

I've put up with MIL for the last 15 years. She has recently started on my dcs. Enough is enough.

I am doing nothing to encorage a relationship, limiting contact and not allowing her to babysit. Advice appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:36

She shouts at fil in public constantly, dc find it really embarrassing.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 13/04/2015 13:36

she sounds really horrible. Why send the DC to her?

CatsCantTwerk · 13/04/2015 13:37

If Your dh agrees then why are You sending your dc to her?

Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:38

God Im pathetic. Its booked and dcs want to go. It would upset them and dh if we cancel.

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Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:40

She is always offering to come and help, when I took her up on thus in the past. She sat on her backside shouting demands at fil and telling him to do really useful things like clean under the sofa. Hmm

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Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:42

I have 4 dcs, when i've been pg she is particularly bad. Forinstance she puts her legs up on my sofa so there is no were for me to sit. She wanted dcs birth certificates, we refused she was very angry.

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binspin · 13/04/2015 13:44

She sounds like a nightmare. Get these pre planned things out the way and distance yourselves.

You said your dh agrees but will he agree to no contact?

Joyfulldeathsquad · 13/04/2015 13:44

Why are you sending your children to her?

You are supposed to be protecting them not exposing them to her horrid behavour.

It really is quiet easy. I've been no contact with my dm for 15 years. Best thing I ever did.

Went NC with mil at Xmas . Best thing I ever did. Life is too short to put up with this shit.

binspin · 13/04/2015 13:45

Why did she want the birth certificates? ?

Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:46

For christmas I got bog standard shampoo one year as she know I can't afford to buy these things. i can afford shampoo

She has many times incinated that I smell by lecturing me about washing everyday and go over her daily routine. I gave been assured I don't smell.

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Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:48

joy thats very brave of you. I am nc with my parents and reluctant to nc with only gp dcs see.

No dh won't go nc. Hes a bit scared of them.

They wanted the bc to open bank accounts, they managed without them.

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Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:49

Don't worry they won't be going again.

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Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:51

She told me I'm only allowed to speak on the phone to her as I'm busy being a motherHmm i don't speak to her on the phone.

Oh yes she constantly tells me how to cook, how to loose weight, shes very over weight.Confused

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Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 13:52

She barley acknowledged our 10th wedding anniversary.

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FrancesNiadova · 13/04/2015 13:57

Get these things out of the way, keeping your eyes on the horizon.
When they're done, go low contact. DH can meet MIL at a venue that isn't your house. If DD1 doesn't want to go, fine, she doesn't have to. Neither do you!

Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 14:02

Sadly as they leave hundreds of miles away, i have no choice but to have them here. I can escape and leave dh with them.

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Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 14:03

Live

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NeedABumChange · 13/04/2015 14:05

Ost people don't acknowledge other peoples wedding anniversaries unless it's golden, ruby etc and you have a party Confused

NeedABumChange · 13/04/2015 14:06

You do have a choice. You are choosing to do nothing.

Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 14:07

What should i do?

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Joyfulldeathsquad · 13/04/2015 14:08

Just because your DH won't go NC it doesn't mean you can't. Your an adult. You get to pick and choose who you talk to. Just because she is DH mother does not give her immunity. I put up with mils bullying for 5 years and this Xmas I bit the bullet and told her she wasn't welcome here any more. DP agreed and sees her out side the house. She was vile to me when I was pregnant, not coming to a scan incase 'somthing was wrong and she didn't want me to feel I had let her down'? Confused wtf?

Too many to go in to - but d'p was dragging his heels and waiting for that one big excuse so he could tell her not come but it never arrived - so I told her!

Shaking like a leaf but I got in to it and even shouted at her. Because no one else was there she walked out quietly rather than the screaming she is known for.

Just take back control for your self . Abusive parents are abusive grandparents . Your kids are better off with out them Flowers

Hissy · 13/04/2015 14:11

You CAN cause ructions, you know? it's allowed when justified.

I went NC with my own mother, it's been the best thing I could have done.

The more poison she dribbles into their heads, the more undermined you will be, and the more damaged they will be.

Stand up for yourself, refuse to be insulted or belittled and refuse to allow it to happen to your DC either.

have a back up plan if it all kicks off on holiday? make sure you can get out of there if you need to

Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 14:11

Thanks Joy. I wish dh could see her elsewhere but they live too far away.

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Joyfulldeathsquad · 13/04/2015 14:12

Yes you do have a choice.

Dp can drive there
They can stay in hotel

Why do you value your own feelings do little.
Why are you putting your dc needs below MIL and your Dh?

Original poster
maroonedwithfour · 13/04/2015 14:13

Tbh Hissy kicking off isn't her style. She often says nasty things with a smile and strops about.

I will retreat to the bedroom mostly and read --sleep-/.

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