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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It has suddenly gone wrong... :(

56 replies

rjh149 · 12/04/2015 13:37

After a few months of avoiding dating, I met a guy online a few weeks ago. I thought everything was going great between us and eventually we decided to be in a relationship. Last Monday, we went out and I mentioned how busy I'm going to be over the next few weeks with work. That evening he didn't send me any messages and throughout the week he barely spoke to me, which I found bizarre. Usually he'd send me a few messages throughout the day, even just to ask how I am. Towards the end of the week he told me 'We need to talk' and alarm bells started ringing in my head. It was my day off, so I spent the whole day thinking everything over and what had wrong. We sat for over an hour that night in his car whilst he told me we were probably moving too fast, but the next minute he contradicted himself saying he wants to see more of me. I said I wanted a yes or no answer to whether he was breaking things off but he couldn't give me a definite answer. He said he didn't want to but he didn't know what to do. Eventually we sorted things out, and he realised he was just overthinking things because he hasn't been in a relationship for a while. When I went home I wasn't hugely relieved, I was left feeling doubtful and my mood suddenly changed. I no longer felt that excitement of a new relationship. To make matters worse, he then cancelled our date on Friday because he wasn't feeling well. We've rearranged it for tonight and I want to see him, but I'm confused now. I really like him but I'm left feeling like he just isn't interested anymore. Any advice would be helpful.

OP posts:
confusedoflondon · 15/04/2015 08:03

Totally disagree. The red flags came fro both sides when after a few weeks they both 'decided to be in a relationship'. That's rushing ON BOTH SIDES. It was almost inevitably going to backfire. Labels after a few weeks screams insecurity and desperation again on both sides, even if that's not the case.

TheListingAttic · 15/04/2015 12:49

Well, hey ho. At least he finally bit the bullet and did it, and now you can both stop giving head space to this mostly-pleasant few months of dating.

NoImSpartacus · 15/04/2015 17:51

I have experience of this type of guy, he decided to show me the 'real' him while we on holiday in Miami. A really, really horrible experience, as he had been absolutely adoring and totally loving prior to the holiday. A few days in he turned into an utter pig. We split up on holiday, mid way, joy !

k0914860 · 16/04/2015 00:19

He's just not that in to you....but that's not a reflection on your self-worth! Just mean that if he wants to make a relationship work there would be none of this 'moving too fast' business. Keep your dignity, don't give him the time of day, text him it's over and keep looking for the one who will treasure you.

rjh149 · 16/04/2015 09:43

I don't think it was out of insecurity the fact that we rushed into the relationship, I guess we both had rose tinted glasses on and thought everything was going well enough to move on from casual dating one another. I've deleted him from my phone, etc so the temptation isn't there and I can move on. This wasn't my first experience of a guy playing hot or cold, so I'm going to avoid dating for a while and concentrate on other aspects of my life.

OP posts:
confusedoflondon · 16/04/2015 10:56

Rjh149 it's just you saying you'd met online 'a few weeks ago' and decided to be in a relationship. That smacks of trying to commit each other very quickly , out of doubts that if you didn't label it you may both assume its more casual (which is fine?). But like someone one else said if you are truly right for each other there is no doubt. He wasn't sure you were and he eventually he called it. That's dating. Good luck and don't let it phase you, you have to try a few bowls of porridge before you get your goldilocks moment!! Grin

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