Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DH messaged Ex am I overreacting

62 replies

whattodonext34 · 12/04/2015 10:45

DH left his computer Facebook logged in. I read a message he sent yesterday night to his ex. They were together quite a number of years and she was his first love. He bumped into her at the shops yesterday apparently. The message went something along the lines of 'when I saw you my heart skipped a beat. You look amazing. I was talking to your dad the other week. I still miss you. I wish you both well '

I can't remember the exact wording and he's deleted it now.Anyway so as not to drip feed before we had dc3 I found quite a few times messages on his computer to women he knows saying how gorgeous they are. I thought it had all stopped and now this.

I went straight up to him and told him it's over. He said 'obviously there will always be something there she's my first love and at the end of the message I wished her and her new boyfriend well'. Oh well that's alright then aargh. Am I overreacting. I don't want to be anyone's second best.

OP posts:

DragonsCanHop · 12/04/2015 19:29

Of course he is being generous, he wants to keep you on side incase his plans don't work out.

The best thing for you to do is nothing right now. LL doesn't need to know he isn't there just yet, plenty of time for that if needed. He could be away on a training course for work for as much as she needs to know.

Get him gone as soon as possible and give him complete radio silence. He has said he thought it was over so show him what it means and is like to not have you in his life.

Set up an email account for him to email about the DC, don't let him draw you into emails about anything other than the DC. I wouldn't use my normal email account because I would want to control when I look at emails from him, not have him popping into my daily routine when ever he feels like it.

Use your couple of weeks without him to gather your thoughts. You will feel better for it.

DragonsCanHop · 12/04/2015 19:39

Oh, my last post comes across as so bossy sorry, I'm just very angry on your behalf

blueberrypie0112 · 12/04/2015 19:41

If you two get a break, I doubt he will realize how much he is missing without you in his life. His mind is with someone else. He need to choose between you and her and I am afraid he already made his choice. You don't need to a "break". You Need To Break Up With him and call it over.

chickenfuckingpox · 12/04/2015 20:35

its the obviously there will always be something there that rings alarms for me sorry but if he loved you and wanted to make it work why would he say that

Original poster

whattodonext34 · 12/04/2015 20:42

You're all right. He probably does want to shag about I was in a bad relationship before I can't believe it's happened again. I must have done something terrible in a previous life

OP posts:

Original poster

whattodonext34 · 12/04/2015 20:50

Can I claim tax credits with leaving him on the tenancy does anyone know? With some extra tax credits and my wage I should be fine to cover the rent & bills without needing to claim housing benefit. It's just childcare costs I may struggle with.

I hope he goes tomorrow I just need it over with. It doesn't feel real whilst he's still here

OP posts:

alongcamespiders · 12/04/2015 20:57

I claim tax credits with my ex h's name still on the mortgage.

Original poster

whattodonext34 · 13/04/2015 07:02

Thank you

OP posts:

Joysmum · 13/04/2015 07:29

Having someone on the tenancy doesn't mean they have to be living there. Definitely claim whatever you can as you'll be separated.

So sorry this has happened to you.

As somebody else said unthread, if dh or I inadvertently hurt each other, we don't attack them for feeling hurt, we seek to reassure and put right and feel dreadful that we've caused them pain. That's what would happen if he were worthy of being with so please, whenever you wobble remember that

Jan45 · 13/04/2015 13:09

You must at least separate to let him see you are not going to accept being treated like crap - he's done it before, I think you've posted before about him. He's an embarrassment for you OP, he's now sniffing around his ex, the level of disrespect for you is astounding.

Get him out, or you go, as you say actions speak louder than words, if he honestly thinks you are the love of his life, he will show you that, don't hold your breath though, I think he's just a creep who can't commit and is always looking for something else.

Original poster

whattodonext34 · 13/04/2015 15:58

YesJan I have posted before about him. He wants to go to counselling. You hit the nail on the head. I always feel like he's waiting for something better to come along

OP posts:

GERTI · 13/04/2015 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3