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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ever have vivid dreams about an Ex?

29 replies

JamSarnies · 09/04/2015 20:49

And then wake up feeling a bit confused and possibly sad, wondering what's going on in their life and whether you should get in touch? I consider myself happily married, have 2 young kids, but every now and then dream about an ex who I have no contact with but still have strong feelings about. I then feel a bit out of sorts for the rest of the day. But fine the next day when its all forgotten about! it happens about 4 or 5 times a year maybe. Its a bit irritating and slightly disorientating really...anyone else?

OP posts:
DoomDeer · 09/04/2015 20:54

Yes! or really vivid dreams about poeple I have no interest in what so ever. I wouldn't feel too bad about the dreams, it's your subconscious mind and there is nothing you can really do it about it. It's almost the same as having a vivid dream about a celebrity crush.

However, I would address that you still have feelings for this person. Are you quite open with your partner, would you be abale to talk about with them?

Original poster
JamSarnies · 09/04/2015 21:05

Unfortunately I cannot talk to DH about this guy. A messy 'love triangle' for want of a better description, once was the case. I have no doubt I made the right decision for me, but Lord, these dreams are a puzzle! Wish I could programme my sub conscious not to go there! Have also had the odd weird and vivid celebrity / random guy at work dreams! Quite sometime ago though but yes, very off putting when you next come into contact with them or see their celeb image in a mag etc!!

OP posts:
MadeMan · 09/04/2015 21:05

Yes, I've occasionally had dreams about my exes and also women I've no interest in. Sometimes though I have had a dream about a woman who I previously had no interest in and then after the dream I can't stop thinking about them and really fancy them.

I also have dreams with people I know in them, but they are represented by other people; almost as though acted by someone else, if you know what I mean.

Dreams are strange things.

DoomDeer · 09/04/2015 21:09

I think the best thing to do, although hard, is just keep telling yourself it's just a dream. Nothing more is going to come of it.

It can be very awkward when you see the subject of your vivid dream, although I wouldn't mind meeting some of the people in mine...

aberdeenkath · 09/04/2015 21:26

Yes, often. Unfortunately he is no longer with us which can be rather distressing when I wake and reality hits Sad

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 09/04/2015 21:29

Yes I do... Makes me feel weird for a few hours when I wake up.

Original poster
JamSarnies · 09/04/2015 21:55

DoomDeer I think you are right! Aberdeenkath I can't imagine how tough that must be for you xx

OP posts:
Mclary · 09/04/2015 22:03

Yes
And it feels so real

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 09/04/2015 22:04

Yes! I had a dream about my ex last night - no idea why as it's never happened in the 8 years since we split... then out the blue met his parents today! Felt a little self conscious, like somehow they'd know he had been in my dream!

Original poster
JamSarnies · 09/04/2015 22:19

That's a bit spooky IfYou! I wonder what triggers these dreams and why they are so darn vivid, it's like some deep dark corner of my mind suddenly wakes up and takes me on a trip (& a bit of a heartbreaking one at that).

OP posts:
MadeMan · 09/04/2015 22:22

Aren't dreams supposed to be like the brain's version of tidying up the filing cabinet, or something? Just rearranging stuff about like a hard drive defrag.

Original poster
JamSarnies · 09/04/2015 22:30

Yes I think I've heard that too MadeMan. Could be your brain 'airing' your deepest thoughts in a bid to surface them and with the end goal of letting them completely evaporate! I hope I'm over these dreams at some point, don't want to continue to have them in my 80's!

OP posts:
IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 09/04/2015 22:32

It was a bit spooky JamSarnies. I have no idea what triggered it. The brain is completely fascinating!

poisonedbypen · 09/04/2015 22:36

I was in a relationship at uni for 3 years. He is happily married (I know his sister) & so am I. I STILL dream about him every now & then (nearly 30 years later) and wake up feeling sad for what might have been Hmm

Jux · 09/04/2015 22:51

I had a nightmare once about shagging Phil Mitchell. I'd stopped watching EE some months before, largely because I couldn't stand the Mitchells, so I awoke disgusted that the revolting man had got into my head and my knickers

It never happened again, thank goodness.

Louboutin37 · 09/04/2015 23:10

I have a recurring dream every 4 months or so where my life now with my amazing lifestyle and friends and freedom didn't happen and I'm still married to my ex. It happens like clockwork. I even imagine I'm living in the old house that I left the abusive twat living in where he now lives with his new wife.

After a few minutes of shaking myself together in the shower it normally puts a spring in my step for the rest of the day!

Marmaladybird · 10/04/2015 10:34

This happens to me a lot. Not so much exes, more randoms. I couldn't look my son's teacher in the eye for about two weeks after one particular dream...

Also happens with events - Once I dreamed I'd been to a live gig and the atmosphere and lighting and everything stayed with me like a real experience. Very odd.

ChrisQuean · 10/04/2015 10:39

Yes. All the time about my first love. We split up 17 years ago Shock. I consider myself happily married with two children too. I love my DH and don't pine after ex, but every "sex dream" I have features my ex.

SecondMrsAshwell · 10/04/2015 12:30

Oh my goodness, yes. I have been dreaming about an ex of mine for more 10 years. We have been mostly NC for that time. 4 or 5 dreams a year. At first, I would be begging him to stay. Then over the course of a few years, it was less begging, more asking, then finally, he asked me to come back to him and I told him to piss off. Was jubilant about that dream – meant I was finally over him. Psychology working him out through dreams and all that.

The dreams changed after that. I would be looking for him and just missing him – he had just left, he was at lunch, or I would glimpse him from afar and not be able to speak to him. These dreams happened whether I was in a relationship or not. In fact, they had more of an impact on me when I was in love with someone else, because it would make me question my current feelings (ones I had when I was by myself were easily explained as me being a bit of a saddo and I ought to pull myself together).

The last was in March, after we had re-established (friendly) contact and there was an incident that left me rather disillusioned. In contrast to the others, I do not remember it at all, other than I was not terribly happy about it.

I’m hoping that’s it, that I never have another one of those dreams about him.
?

3catsandcounting · 10/04/2015 13:57

Yes! Dreams of my ex (25 years ago) always pop up when I'm unsettled or something's happening in my life. Wedding, pregnancies, petty rows with DH and DC, changing jobs, bereavement, etc.
I dreamt about him a couple of months ago, for no particular reason; the very next evening I bumped into him after 20 years of absolutely no contact whatsoever.

Original poster
JamSarnies · 10/04/2015 22:33

So I'm not expecting that these dreams will come to an abrupt end anytime soon then! Funnily enough like Second, my dreams of Ex have evolved a little. They have moved on from being just me and him, to him now with a new girlfriend and me having to deal with that. I have no idea whether he has a partner or not, perhaps my dreams are preparing me for the inevitability of this. Wow - Phil Mitchell Jux! Tis a strange thing, the workings of the mind....

OP posts:
SinisterBunnyMonth · 11/04/2015 02:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Granville72 · 11/04/2015 10:07

Yes, I think it's quite normal.

I've been having some very odd and very vivid dreams of late. Last nights involved Prince Harry for some bizarre reason.

Guyropes · 11/04/2015 10:17

Jam sarnies... If you want your dreams to progress, it can help writing them down. Clearly they are difficult to talk about, so writing them down might allow your mind to shake it off and work though it more efficiently. (Yes, I had one last night... Very unsettling)

UncertainSmile · 11/04/2015 16:19

I had a dream where I murdered my ex (and two men too) last night. It was very lucid.