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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My child and husband are ruining my relationship

50 replies

Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 17:36

I love my husband and child to pieces but .... He's two and has severe eczema so he sleeps with us all night untill he wakes and we take it in turns to take him downstairs for the rest of the night ... Wich has resulted in my husband watching porn on his phone ... Asoon as he gets in from work he's straight in the bathroom for some " alone time" . Ive put this down to the fact we can't be intimate as our two year old is in our bed constantly ( isn't his fault bless him) I font mind him pleasing himself at all it's the porn the fact that he needs another woman other than me to arouse him . Can't he just think of me ?. We recently had a baby so we have 3 boys . I don't trust him as it is due to him having contact with his ex behind my back on several different occasions the last time flirting and sexual talk with his excuse was he was setting her up to send them to her partner coz she tried breaking is up twice but he never sent them to her partner . So I did. Anyway you can see where im going ive been on porn sites since I've found he was on them to see if I could find what interested him and all the time pop ups came up saying " chat with singles in your area today!" Or "miles live on cam now " so I know how easy it would be for him to test the water in that pool . I know I need to voice my concerns with him but how as he doesn't know I know but I feel insulted, unwanted and unsatisfactory . Tbh I kind off feel cheated x tia

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/04/2015 17:39

ugh

your husband sounds like he has sexual diarrhoea

has he any moral limits at all ?

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 17:41

Not really any woman would have dumped him the first time he got in contact with his ex and he was gonna meet her " like send me home to kids from our night out to bring her out , coz he husband was hitting her " oh n they have no ties like kids ect

OP posts:
primarywannabe · 09/04/2015 17:45

I really don't see how you can link this to your child!! Being married to a cunt is what is ruining your relationship!

LIZS · 09/04/2015 17:45

Your Ds is being used as an excuse. Is he up with your Ds when watching porn ? Even if your settled Ds in his own bed the issues wouldn't preselected themselves.

LIZS · 09/04/2015 17:47

Sorry autocorrect "even if you settled your Ds in his own bed the issues wouldn't resolve themselves"

PenguindreamsofDraco · 09/04/2015 17:47

You do realise that your husband's sexual incontinence and its effect on your relationship is nothing at all to do with your son?

JustAQuicky · 09/04/2015 17:49

You can't blame the child!

He chooses to watch porn . I personally don't have an issue with porn I watch it as does DP however on MN it's a big no-no from what I've seen.
I however trust him and he hasn't text any ex's we've gone from numerous times a week to once every 3 or so but I am pregnant and just cba , the boxes come up on everything and are what I assume just spammy links.

Have you thought about counselling?

pocketsaviour · 09/04/2015 17:50

Can't he just think of me ?

Men tend to be more visually stimulated than women. So don't feel down specifically about this.

He does sound like he's either gearing up to cheat, or already has, though :(

Leaving your H aside, how much sleep is your DS (and you by extension) getting? Is he able to settle again after waking or is that it - up for the day? Can the dermatologist suggest any other ways of managing? (Sorry I have no experience with eczema so really don't know what's involved except for itchy misery.)

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 17:50

I realise it's nothing to do with my son I should have put exzema and husband ruining my relationship sorry was typing in a rush my child isn't the issue its porn and the possibilities of furire infidelity x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 17:52

Up for the day and Derma arnt doing much just cheap creams and steroids and would you say that him talking to his ex behind my back several times even knowing that each time I found out j nearly left not cheating? Coz he instists he will talk to who he wants when he wants and do you think they will talk again x

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/04/2015 17:53

No it isn't even down to eczema. How old is your youngest ? It is hardly surprising you aren't ready and willing and he should understand that.

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 17:56

5 month old and sorry I'm trying to not make my husband look like a complete secretive dishonest twat lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 17:57

So would you call what happened with his ex cheating and do I have good reason not to trust him or am I being neurotic and hormonal coz I feel like a total cow on min then next I wanna smash his phone to smithereens x

OP posts:
Fatstacks · 09/04/2015 18:02

Yes it is wrong for him to continue contact with his ex after being caught attempting to cheat.

I'm not sure why you sent the texts to his ex's partner, forget her she is a distraction.
If she wasn't around he wouldn't stop the shitty behaviour.

Think carefully if he is what you want or need?
You have enough to do with a poorly ds without wasting time on a twat.

Be kind to yourself Flowers

CultureSucksDownWords · 09/04/2015 18:04

He insists he will talk to who he wants when he wants... Except he knows it upsets you when he talks to his ex, and he does it anyway in the knowledge that he will be upsetting you. That's just unkind and dismissive of your feelings, before even considering why he feels he needs to talk in that way to his ex.

Jan45 · 09/04/2015 18:05

And another one.......now it's the child's fault he's a sleazy disgusting letch. OP, he is cheating on you, albeit, virtually.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 09/04/2015 18:06

Your husband is using the situation with your son as a convenient excuse for his behaviour.

Rinkydinkypink · 09/04/2015 18:17

I agree with everyone else op. A supportive husband would be with you, helping you and considering your feelings.

You ds needing so much care is hardwork. Your dh is using this as an excuse to check out of his relationship with you.

He does what he wants when he wants and doesn't care about anyone other than himself. You'd probably be better off without him.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 09/04/2015 18:28

This has absolutly nothing to do with your son.

No it's not normal what he is doing. He sounds disgusting

pocketsaviour · 09/04/2015 18:53

Well I guess it depends how you define cheating. In my book:

Sending someone texts - not cheating
Sending someone texts asking for sex - trying to cheat
Actually banging them - cheating

I would definitely not believe his story about "I was trying to honeytrap her!" Pull the other one mate, it's got bells on.

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 18:54

But sorry if I keep asking was gd cheating when he was talking to his ex lying to me? Sorry it's just I dunno if I'm in the right or wrong x

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/04/2015 19:00

Hard to say as you only know one side of their relationship , but yes initiating or continuing contact with ex while knowing you didn't like it would suggest flirtation/affair if reciprocated or emotional abuse even if not.

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 19:01

So would you dump him x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 19:03

It had me on anti depressent in the end but I'm constantly paranoid that every time his phone goes off its her so I keep thinking after these several times that they will end up chatting again

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 09/04/2015 19:06

It's not a case of right or wrong (although I think most would agree he's in the wrong). He is making you feel upset, worried and stressed - and he knows he's doing so. He is inconsiderate of you and your feelings. He doesn't care about upsetting you. What do you want to do about that?