Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My child and husband are ruining my relationship

50 replies

Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 17:36

I love my husband and child to pieces but .... He's two and has severe eczema so he sleeps with us all night untill he wakes and we take it in turns to take him downstairs for the rest of the night ... Wich has resulted in my husband watching porn on his phone ... Asoon as he gets in from work he's straight in the bathroom for some " alone time" . Ive put this down to the fact we can't be intimate as our two year old is in our bed constantly ( isn't his fault bless him) I font mind him pleasing himself at all it's the porn the fact that he needs another woman other than me to arouse him . Can't he just think of me ?. We recently had a baby so we have 3 boys . I don't trust him as it is due to him having contact with his ex behind my back on several different occasions the last time flirting and sexual talk with his excuse was he was setting her up to send them to her partner coz she tried breaking is up twice but he never sent them to her partner . So I did. Anyway you can see where im going ive been on porn sites since I've found he was on them to see if I could find what interested him and all the time pop ups came up saying " chat with singles in your area today!" Or "miles live on cam now " so I know how easy it would be for him to test the water in that pool . I know I need to voice my concerns with him but how as he doesn't know I know but I feel insulted, unwanted and unsatisfactory . Tbh I kind off feel cheated x tia

OP posts:
Cherryapple1 · 09/04/2015 19:11

Yes, talking and flirting with an ex is cheating. And the porn use is foul. Please don't blame your child.

Yes I would have dumped him long ago. You will never trust him again. Why even bother?

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 19:21

Well my mum said if he can't stop talking to somebody becuase it hurt my feelings then why on earth would he stop watching porn at your request ? Sounds very silly and nieve but do you think they will talk again ?

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/04/2015 19:43

He sees no reason to change his behaviour, so no I doubt it. How long are you prepared to tolerate it ? Have you been assessed for pnd as none of this can be positive for your mental state and may make things seem very confusing.

Fatstacks · 09/04/2015 19:43

Piper I don't really follow the mnet mantra of LTB often.

I know how easy it is to say, hard to actually do.

Forgive me if I'm wrong but you seem to want one of us to reassure you that this can be salvaged. To tell you it is possible for him to change.
That he won't cheat, that he loves you really.

There is a tiny chance that he can change.

In my experience he won't.
He will continue to use and take the piss.
He will manipulate you and take advantage.

I think deep down you know he will too.
It's up to you how much time you invest in him.
I hope I'm wrong.

Cherryapple1 · 09/04/2015 19:51

If he doesn't talk to her he will talk to someone else won't he.

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 19:56

Dunno all I know is I'm taking a huge risk trusting him for the 8th time with not been in contact with his whore ( excuse my harsh feelings towards her) it takes two end of day , but becuase he's lied behind my back several times about her the piont that scares me is he could be talking to her right now and I wouldn't know . He's humiliated me and made me look like a fool infront of his ex, given her leverage to carry on sticking her foot in the door and virtually proven to her that our relation and me isn't that important to him and he always refers to me as " she" to her example " text you when shes gone" x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 19:57

But he can't understand that I'm still angry about it and a small part of me hates him for it even though the last bit of contact as far as I know of was new year time x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 19:59

And he never wants to talk about it and he says " it wasn't that bad , it was only chatting , can't see why your so mad about it " yet tbh it's torn me apart . She must be important for him to have risked his relationship several times x

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 09/04/2015 20:10

Look love, his behaviour is not on.

You seem to want us to say that. You are looking for confirmation that all of this is not ok.

Everyone has said that.

The ball is now in your court.

Either you talk to him and give him another chance or you separate.

But he seems to have no respect for your feeling and no regard for you at all.

I'm sorry.

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:13

It's okay I think I'm sorry too us women only se to be the ones that end up sorry . Shame really and pitiful tbh im starting to regret letting him off the hook .... I'll just wait for next time n throw his ass out then he can enjoy the porn as much as he pleases x thanks lovely ladies

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 09/04/2015 20:13

He's humiliated me and made me look like a fool infront of his ex

That would have been the dealbreaker for me back then.

Aside from these issues, is he supportive in general? Does he spend a lot of time taking care of the DC, do his share of the housework, let you talk when you're feeling down?

I know you said you take turns getting up to take your 2yr old downstairs, so at least that's one area you're getting a fair deal.

Cherryapple1 · 09/04/2015 20:16

Why wait until the next time? You can end a relationship any time you like. It doesn't have to be a huge drama or fuss.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 09/04/2015 20:17

Sorry, did you say he gets up with your 2 yr old and then watches porn on his phone? With an awake child in the room? That's bad.
It really sounds like he's got problems with sex and fidelity that won't be fixed by a chat. Sorry. :(

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:22

No he waits till he falls back to sleep and he takes it in turns so he can watch his filth while I'm left up stairs in an empty bed and I think it would humiliate anyone in this situation ESP when his ex mocks you constantly yet he still have her the time of day tried to split us up twice while I was pregnant and still have her the time of day . Seriously this girls git something special Snd I do the house work coz I'm a SAHM so that's my job , also cooking and Nappys , baths other kid things x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:23

Excuse my spelling iphone corrects everything c

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/04/2015 20:26

His ex is not your problem, he is. Don't let him minimise the impact on you and your DC, nor drag ex or your dm into it. She only hears what he chooses. You can't make the work by yourself no matter how hard you try. If he isn't willing to listen and engage there won't be a relationship now or later. If you can't face this yet use the time and resources to prepare options for next time.

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:30

I'm pretty adamant that the next time I won't be joking or calling his bluff I really will be gone . With his kids x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:30

And he knows this x

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/04/2015 20:33

But have you said this before and not followed through? Is there any reason for him to be in contact with ex, kids for example?

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:36

This is an example

My child and husband are ruining my relationship
OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:38

Sorry wrong tab ignore that image

OP posts:
Joyfulldeathsquad · 09/04/2015 20:40

Why does there have to be a next time? What he does already is enough.

Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:44

I know but I'm the kind of person who needs red hot ammunition can't really act on something that's blown over if you get what I mean but I'm not doubt that there will be a next time for all we know it could be a tommorow who knows x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:49

LIZS no hasn't got kids with her his excuse for talking to her is " we've know each other since we were 17 and she was a big part of his life ..... Was ? Looks like she still is x

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperdog2009 · 09/04/2015 20:54

Found out how to directly post haha .. They have no ties no kids ect he just says she known him since she was 27 and she was a big part of his life ect though looks as though she still is

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread