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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Why am i accepting this??

50 replies

Wherestherealme · 06/04/2015 11:54

Exdp is emotionally physically and verbally abusive. He torments me whenever it suits me. Just this morning he ds's bag at me a bowl of cereal that was on the table and screwed my face up. All because a man in the pub told him i had spoke to him at school pick up, i did speak to him i asked about his sister and her wedding, but exdp is now claiming i chat men up in the school yard!!!! I wasnt allowed to speak to anyone or go anywhere. I didnt tell exdp i had spoke to the man as he would kick off like he has done.
I cant take anymore for the last 5yrs i have been ground down and now im at the point where i have wrote suicide notes and gathered all the tablets i can find.

OP posts:
afreshstartplease · 06/04/2015 11:57

Where does your relationship stand at the moment?

Are you sharing a house?

If he is an ex it's fuck all to do with him what you do aslong as dc are safe and cared for

I would be informing the police of his behaviour tbh and keeping him out of my House

How is he with your dc?

Cherryapple1 · 06/04/2015 11:57

I don't understand your sentence or what he did this morning but your words suggest he was in your home - if so, you need to stop that immediately.

Also, how does he know you talk to people, and why are you even talking to him at all. You need firm boundaries in place - and this includes him not coming into your home, not discussing anything with you except children/access. And if he is abusive I would suggest contact centre only and a call to Women's Aid for some support.

AnyFucker · 06/04/2015 12:00

Do you still live together ?

pinkyredrose · 06/04/2015 12:02

Report him to the police. Then you can get him out the house and an anti molestation order on him.

pocketsaviour · 06/04/2015 12:04

Please call Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247 for help and advice.

If he is being violent - and that means throwing things, threatening you, smashing stuff as well - please call 101 and ask to speak to the Domestic Abuse team.

If you feel really low and like you want to end it, please call Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. Please reach out and speak to someone.

I'm guessing that you've recently told him it's over and he's still living there at the moment? You can get him out, just hang in there. Your life won't be like this forever, you will be free of him.

Original poster
Wherestherealme · 06/04/2015 12:06

Sorry just read it back i missed "threw" out of the sentence about this morning.

No we dont live together he left saturday after another argument about a junk email i got from match.com which he says i must have got cos ive signed up. Only youngest is his thats why he was here this morning to collect ds.

He knew i had spoke to the man at school cos the man had told him in the pub last night.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/04/2015 12:19

handover the dc on the doorstep

stop engaging with bullocks about emails and talking to other members of the population

what you do is none of his business, as your relationship is over

if he intimidates you again, call the police immediately

AnyFucker · 06/04/2015 12:19

bollocks *

Eggynuff · 06/04/2015 12:20

Do not let him into your house.

SaucyJack · 06/04/2015 12:21

Please don't hurt yourself over this pathetic waste of oxygen. He isn't worth the dogshit off of the bottom of your shoe.

You and your children deserve so much more, and one day you will find it. There is a better life out there somewhere.

Hissy · 06/04/2015 12:24

He's an ex. He gets no right to approve or disapprove of anything you do or don't do.

Don't let him in your house and sulphur the door/hang up on him the second he starts to say anything you aren't happy with.

The only thing he gets to do is to ftfo out of your life.

Hissy · 06/04/2015 12:24

Shut not sulphur ... Confused

AnyFucker · 06/04/2015 12:28

auto correct is really taking the piss today Smile

Original poster
Wherestherealme · 06/04/2015 12:31

I need to do something as it has to be over for good this time. This is what he does causes a row then turns it all on me and i end up saying sorry and saying yes right i really am all those things you've said. I do it to keep the peace with him but im dying inside.

OP posts:
WashingUpFairy · 06/04/2015 12:53

Please be kind to yourself and try to remember that this will be the hardest part. Your ex is used to getting his own way if he bullies you.
When my ex realized he'd lost control he turned to threats and nastiness. When I asked him to knock on the door instead of walking straight in for example, he went nuclear. Yes it was extremely frightening so I know why you try to appease your ex partner.
Could you have somebody with you when he collects the child?

pocketsaviour · 06/04/2015 13:16

YY agree you could have someone with you when he collects, if at all possible. Doesn't need to be a big burly bloke, just someone for moral support.

Please have a look at doing the Freedom Programme from Womens Aid - this will help you break this cycle of letting him back in. You don't deserve to be treated like this - nobody does.

tribpot · 06/04/2015 13:22

Agreed - talk to Women's Aid. He is still abusing you despite the relationship being over. It's none of his business who you talk to. You can sign up for match.com if you want to, it's nothing to do with him.

It sounds like he assaulted you in your own home this morning. You can talk to the police.

Ensure that pick up and drop off are done with another person present or, even better, without you being present. Can anyone help you?

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 06/04/2015 13:33

Hi Wherestherealme,

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, and we really hope things start to look up for you soon. Flowers

Original poster
Wherestherealme · 06/04/2015 21:13

Thank u all.

Ive binned the notes and tablets!

All i want is for him to leave me alone. I just want him to move onto his next victim and leave me be.

Why are some people like that? Do they get pleasure out of making others scared what has he gained from taking every scrap of confidence and self esteem i ever had

OP posts:
tribpot · 06/04/2015 21:30

Power. I think it's that simple. It makes him feel good that you feel bad. It's bullying. And I doubt he will move on to his next victim whilst he can get to you. So your job now is to shut him out as effectively as you can.

Talk to Women's Aid. Talk to the police. A book that's often recommended here is Why Does He Do That - I think it may give you some clarity that his behaviour is not (unfortunately) that unusual, that he is following a pattern. But the more important thing right now is to stop focusing all of your attention on him and start focusing it on yourself. Build your fortress, keep him out.

Cherryapple1 · 06/04/2015 21:39

Yep - power and control. And of course he isn't a nice person is he.

Don't waste time trying to understand him. Use that energy to protect yourself. Do contact Women's Aid and the police. They can help you.

Homely1 · 07/04/2015 22:05

I'm really glad that MN hijacked this.

Please please seek medical help.

It's awful how someone can just grind you down like this. Abuse is awful. You don't even necessarily know that it's happening to you.

You have a DS and that DS needs you today, tomorrow and always. This exDP is not worth the notes or the tablets. Please think of your DS. Please get help.

Please could you post so that we all know how you are?

Original poster
Wherestherealme · 08/04/2015 06:57

Im still here.

I am being accused of having an affair with the man i spoke to in the school yard. Ex has taken the car off me. I am fed up of saying i havent done anything wrong. Im the victim but yet hes making me out to be a nasty husband stealing homewrecking tart Hmm

I have no one apart from my dc.

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 08/04/2015 07:03

I think his behaviour is very threatening. Can you call 101 and report him?

Is the car in your name?

Who owns the house?

Throwing things at you and screwing your face up ( presumably he grabbed your face and scrunched it up with his fingers) is violent behaviour. If the children told a teacher they had witnessed daddy grabbing mummy's face then they are likely to report to ss.

You need help op, he sounds unreasonable and violent.

Tell us more about your situation so you can be pointed in the right direction. ( I am going to work now but will check back tonight).

tribpot · 08/04/2015 07:08

You have no reason to engage with him about your supposed other relationship. It's nothing to do with him anyway and all you're doing is allowing him to reel you back in so he can abuse you again.

Is the car in your name? Does he still have keys to your house? Why are you in so much contact with him?