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Original poster

No sex and no off at bed time

30 replies

Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 21:57

So I've posted about my DH and I not having sex very often and lack of cuddling, touching etc as we've had a few issues with my adult DS. Tonight he's just said night, I'm going to bed. I said ok I'll come up too, that's it, no expectations as normal and he sat back down and said I'll stay up then if your going too. I was a bit taken aback and said ok, I'll stay up even though I'm tired and off he went. I'm sat here now bewildered, upset, hurt and lonely. Can't believe its come to this :-( am I that bad?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 21:58

Subject should read 'now off at bedtime' oops

OP posts:
Joyfulleastersquad · 03/04/2015 22:03

That's awful Flowers

How long has this been going on? What a twat!

Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:03

Wished I'd of have asked him now why it was a problem....

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Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:04

He hasnt said that before. As if I didn't feel distant before.....

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Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:05

I have never longed to be held and cuddled as much as I have over the last few months. Tbh sex is bottom of the list, cuddles are what I long for.

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ARoomWithoutAView · 03/04/2015 22:05

That is really bad communication.
I would start there, not here.
Not on MN.

Joyfulleastersquad · 03/04/2015 22:05

I'd go up and talk. Would he discuss it with you? This can't go on.

ginslinger · 03/04/2015 22:06

I'm sorry he's behaving like this - are you prepared to ask him what is going on?

Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:06

Yes but he's probably asleep now. I'm going to have to ask him tomorrow as that is a slippery slope as the one we're on is bad enough

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Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:07

Feel awkward going to bed now :-(

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ExitStageLeft · 03/04/2015 22:08

What a stupid comment from ARoom...that's what this forum is for - advice!

I'm sorry you've been treated like that OP, how long has this been going on for?

ARoomWithoutAView · 03/04/2015 22:10

There is only one thing tonight.
Based on what you have posted.
Cuddle him, without any conditions.
Do that this night.
Do this for a few nights, then if nothing comes back.
It is dead.
Leave.
Go.

RandomMess · 03/04/2015 22:10

Would phrasing the question "Why do you need space from me?" make it easier for him to spill what the problem is do you think?

Sad
Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:11

Yes exit I was thinking that too! Thank you for your nice words. We've been distant for several months since my DS moved back from uni. We've had sex 3 times in the last 6 months but cuddling, touching, being close is non existent. My DS moving out tomorrow so hoping that'll help. Fingers crossed but it's not going to happen over night as I feel awkward :-(

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AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 03/04/2015 22:12

Oh dear. He sounds as though he's angry with you. It's very odd if you don't know why.

He's emotionally and physically abandoning you. Is the relationship over for him do you think?

AlphaBravoHenryFoxtons · 03/04/2015 22:13

I hope your son isn't moving out entirely on his account.

ARoomWithoutAView · 03/04/2015 22:13

I posted from experience ExitStageLeft
Sometimes it needs the power of MN to lift off, but then come down to real life, and then still post here.
MN is not the whole of everything. Just a conduit.
Anyway...define stupid ...its difficult Grin

ginslinger · 03/04/2015 22:14

i think you should go to your bed as usual and behave normally. Ask him tomorrow what he's pkaying at and if he carries on treating you like this kick him out

Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:14

I try cuddling him room but he says I'm leaning on him or it feels like he's wooden when I do it, it's reprocated.
Random - yes I need to word it right and that's a good suggestion

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Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:17

Hi alpha, I think he has been close to leaving over my son yes. I worry that we've had so much conflict there's no way back. My DS is leaving as he can't abide to a few house rules set by me, he's moving to his Dad's.

Ginslinger, think your right I just need to carry on as I'm very tired :-(

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Koalafications · 03/04/2015 22:19

Has it been strained with your DS moving back? (Is DS your son together or just yours?)

You say that you have had sex 3 times in the last 6 months, did you initiate the sex or was it him? The other thing to think about (and only post if you feel comfortable to) is what the sex was like? Was he affectionate, was it romantic? Or was it just a 'doing it because I have to' from him? As I say you don't need to answer those here, but it's worth thinking about.

I'm really sorry to hear that you are feeling like this, OP. Flowers

Koalafications · 03/04/2015 22:20

AG sorry, x-post re your DS.

Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:22

Yes very strained, he's my DS, my DH DSS. Since uni and having his independence hee been very difficult to live with. The 3 times he has initiated but it was romantic, felt like we were just ticking a box and drink was involved. I used to always initiate but feel bloody awkward now and don't really know how to - God that sounds pathetic

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ARoomWithoutAView · 03/04/2015 22:23

Yes I agree with Koala

You sound lovely.
Sorry you are not getting what you want.

It is an increasing problem, I think. If MN is real world.

Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 03/04/2015 22:23

Wasn't romantic I meant.

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