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Original poster

Best/funny examples of people 'projecting'...

44 replies

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 03/04/2015 09:23

People projecting both fascinates and amuses me.

SiL is the best one for it. Another thread made me think about it.

She's a hoarder. A proper hoarder. Can't chuck stuff out, thinks everything is sellable or worth something even when it's plainly rubbish, and her house is piled high.

Yet when she visits the first thing she says every time is "You have too many DVDs/CDs/Games." and looks in despair at them all neatly lined up and alphabetised on shelves purchased for them and in no way impacting our lives or getting in our way.

We have hundreds of books too. Also on shelves but not alphabetised, they're in genres. But she never mentions them. Possibly because books are a large part of her hoard.

Confused

She's also single. Nothing wrong with that. Doesn't appear to fancy any men she meets. Again, nothing wrong with that. Has an extensive list of criteria any man she dates must have - no man has ever met these criteria so she's been single the entire time I've known her. Again, totally up to her. Why not wait for the perfect person? Good for her.

However, she tells me at least once during every visit that I look like 'a lady who likes ladies'. Hmm It's because of my uber-comfy DM boots.

Not that I give a shite, I'm quite happy in my lesbian shoes. But I do wonder if that's another little 'projection'?

I'm sure there's others. I'll have a think.

But was wondering if anyone else had any tales to tell?

OP posts:
Flangeshrub · 03/04/2015 09:34

I've only ever been told I'm fat by people much fatter than me. I'm tall and a size 12, there is a woman at work who is a size 20/22 who regularly comments on the size of my arse or how much I'm eating. Same at school, a really fat girl used to call me 'fatso'. Weird.

My mother goes on about manners. Constantly commenting on please and thank yous, whether people adhere to her 'standards'. She's the rudest person I've ever met. The only person who on receiving a gift she didn't love would say "that's crap" and throw it back at you.

AltheaVestrit · 03/04/2015 09:40

My toxic SiL phoned me up about 12 years ago especially to tell me that I should watch out for my binge drinking.

She'd been to a well woman clinic and had answered some questions put to her by the nurse. One of the questions was "How many units of alcohol do you drink in a week?".

Once a unit had been explained to her, she thought for a moment and said "about 120". Nurse asked her how she'd worked that out and she said she'd probably have 4 or 5 G & Ts per night, each one with approx 4 pub measures of gin.

The nurse asked if that was every night. SiL said yes. Nurse said if that's every night then you couldn't call it binge drinking then. Which prompted SiL to phone me because as my alcohol consumption was considerably lower than hers, but always drank more when in her company, then I was the binge drinker!

Don't keep company with her if I can help it, but I know her consumption remains the same as it did.

ladyrosy · 03/04/2015 09:57

About 15 years ago, I was sure my mum had depression again but had not been diagnosed with it at this point. We were having a chat in her kitchen, and I brought up that I thought that I thought she was a bit unhappy and mentioned the possibility of her visiting her GP or her counsellor to discuss it (I really did try to phrase it as gently as possible).

She turned to me and shouted "YOU'RE THE ONE THAT NEEDS COUNSELLING!" and stormed out of the kitchen.

It took another year or two before she did decide to go to the doctor about it. She doesn't remember this happening at all (and, naturally, thinks that I don't give a crap about her mental health. I am either wrong or wronger!).

Original poster
KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 03/04/2015 10:26

Ooo, yes! Alcohol is the other thing she goes on about.

I do like a drink. Cider is my favourite, I'll have a pint if we go out for a meal. I drink more in her company because she's so fecking tedious. She says I use alcohol 'as a crutch'.

This is the person who'll go out for cocktails before paying rent and was sacked from a job for stealing a bottle of wine.

Yet I have the problem!!

Grin
OP posts:
ElevenTwelve · 03/04/2015 10:28

My SIL is very overweight, around a size 24. I am a size 8-10.

However she seems to lump me and her in together as being 'the fat girls' and is always suggesting I join her on some diet or another. Erm no thanks.

queenoftheknight · 03/04/2015 10:44

Loads! Although we ALL project!

My sister telling me that I was a size 16, when the label in the dress she was criticising clearly said 10.

Guess what size she was?

My birth family project for Britain. It's quite handy, as I know what all their issues are.

almahart · 03/04/2015 10:55

I once had someone with two children with SN grab my DD and tell her off and tell me off for not controlling her. He didn't know that she had SN but it was so obviously all about him, and his sense of stress and probably embarassment. Was pretty awful at the time

DrFoxtrot · 03/04/2015 11:13

I was once going to an evening work meeting and my controlling jealous XH told me I was behaving like a petulant child. Lightbulb moment for me!!

BrianButterfield · 03/04/2015 11:16

My MIL once looked at a pile of stuff in the dining room and told me I needed to declutter.

The pile of stuff was the contents of the kitchen, which was being redecorated, and their house has random crap piled on literally every surface...

watchingthedetectives · 03/04/2015 11:28

I was asked to talk to someone at work who had made 3 fairly senior members of staff cry in one week. I said he needed to be careful as his behaviour could be construed as bullying and harassment construed my arse it definitely was

At this point he said by bringing this up I was bullying and harassing him, shouted at me and stormed off slamming the door. I wished I had got it on film it was amazing.

RabidFairy · 03/04/2015 11:35

I had a work colleague a few years back who went through a phase of crying to our boss about being bullied at work. Sadly she go no sympathy from other colleagues; she was bullying me and the "bullying" as she saw it was mutual colleagues asking her repeatedly to please complete her work on time and stop dumping the shit jobs on me.

theendoftheendoftheend · 03/04/2015 11:39

My sil is always trying to tell me I'm a size 14, we've both put weight on... I showed her some new trousers I'd bought for work the other day in a shop, she very loudly said 'oh dear why didn't you get a bigger size there's no way these will fit!' everyone looked it was embarrassing. and they do bloody fit!

pocketsaviour · 03/04/2015 13:20

watchingthedetectives That behaviour seems to be quite common for bullies, I've also experienced it several times at several companies.

My mum is a terrible projector. She once gave up her job because she had been sucked in by one of these betting scams. She re-mortgaged her house to get the money to join this "syndicate" - about £10k - then spent 12 weeks putting bets on horse races as advised by this syndicate, she of course lost every penny. What did she say to me a few weeks ago?
Mum: You used to have a gambling problem, didn't you. You went to that bingo every day.
Me: Mum, I worked in that bingo hall...

She also does what I suppose you could call reverse projection.

I was unable to have biological children (unexplained infertility) but have made my peace with it. I am very close to my late husband's son with his previous partner, and that's enough for me.

My cousin had had her first child who was a couple of months old. I lived about 250 miles away, but had come down to the area on a trip and had dropped in to see my aunty and uncle and met the new little addition. My mum had for some reason best known to herself declined to come with me. She has still never met the baby, who's now over a year old, despite living less than 10 miles away.

Me: I think Uncle and Aunty were a bit disappointed that you didn't come to see the baby.
Mum: Oh well... They've called her such a chavvy name, ridiculous.
Me: Seriously?! I think her name is lovely. God you really are the least maternal person ever.

About 10 minutes later
Mum: I not un-maternal, you know. It's just that I always really wanted to be a grandmother, and now you can't have children and your sister won't, so it's far too painful for me to see little babies.

I just kind of boggled at her...
No recognition of the fact that she has a grandchild - my son Hmm Apparently he doesn't count as I didn't pop him out of my vagina.

Charley50 · 03/04/2015 16:08

Yeah my ex-ish-DP said I was disrespectful to him the other day, when he's the one who constantly lets me down and cancels arrangements we have made without telling me.

SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 03/04/2015 19:54

My Ex-boss (shortly after I had walked off the job for him being insufferable to work alongside, think throwing items of stock around) came round to my house shouting and carrying on and called ME a nutter, scum and a moron. What a fool he made of himself.

I have seen him since, he was remarkably polite and very sheepish Hmm

mrstothemr · 04/04/2015 05:47

What a great thread... Dm projects like no other I've known, once my telling her she could be a little critical ended in a blow out lasting weeks and massive criticism of my personality. I'd like to think of a humorous anecdote in it but frankly it was all pretty tragic

If one comes to me I'll post

LocalEditorEssex · 04/04/2015 06:52

Ex husband (EA) who just before he moved out told me that I couldn't be alone and needed to feel loved.
So that will be why he left and got straight into a new relationship and I am still single 8 months on Smile

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 04/04/2015 07:46

FIL once loudly declared how rude someone was: 'I can't stand people who interrupt you.' DH and I couldn't look at one another for fear we'd start laughing. (FIL never listens to anyone and is well known for talking over you mid-sentence about a completely unrelated topic.)

wideboy26 · 04/04/2015 08:03

So is projection rank hypocrisy or pot calling kettle black syndrome? It's a term I've encountered since lurking on here, but not yet fully understood.

mummytime · 04/04/2015 08:09

Projection as a term comes from Freud, it is the fact that what you find annoying in someone else may actually be your biggest fault.

So if you are a gossip, what may annoy you in someone else is their gossiping (even if mild compared to your own) rather than say their bad driving.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 04/04/2015 08:11

TheGirl my FIL is exactly the same! Hates people interrupting him and always pulls them up on it but does it himself all the time

MarzipanDildo · 04/04/2015 08:14

Great thread!

An ex-colleague used to comment on any online shopping I did - "you're SUCH a shopaholic, Marzipan!" - but failed to spot her projecting when she showed me her John Lewis account spend for the year...£16k!! Shock

wideboy26 · 04/04/2015 08:15

Ah - thanks for the explanation, mummytime.

YoureAMeanGirl · 04/04/2015 08:36

Oh my god. This is me. My house is quite untidy at times (think swirling wind of destruction from DD and DDog that I spend every night cleaning)

My mums house is literally filthy and it's all I tell her when I'm there. I'm wondering now if it's half as dirty as I think it is Confused

NickiFury · 04/04/2015 09:08

My ex told me that I would drop my kids as soon as a new man came along as I had never been single and couldn't be alone, he tried to make me promise not to remarry as it was bad for the kids to have a step parent forced on them and even suggested I be sterilised as half siblings would be a very bad idea Hmm.

He's about to remarry to someone who lives an 11 hour flight away and who has a 3 year old child. He hasn't even told our children yet.

I am still single Smile.