Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex?

[RandyMoo]

I've been seeing him 6/7 months. We recently had a relationship-ish talk. We are definitely not seeing other people. He said he is falling for me, he is VERY affectionate and touchy feely.

I know he has a bit of a body image hang up and also a bit of a hang up about the fact he has struggled to perform a couple of times.

I fancy him like mad.

He worked late last night, I nipped round to his this morning to get in bed with him for a bit. We cuddled for aaaaaaages and I tried to initiate sex but he wasn't really interested.

This isn't the first time, I feel like I am often coming on to him and getting knocked back in the last couple of months. TBF I do have a high sex drive. I wonder if I am too aggressive?

I wonder if he just isn't attracted to me as I am? We do get on really well and have so much in common and maybe he sees it as platonic?

But if he wasn't attracted to me, why would he be so affectionate? And why would he participate in a relationship talk and basically say he wants a committed relationship?

That explanation makes sense! I thought he'd deliberately asked to chat via text half-way through a phone conversation.

Everything'll be oK. Just bite him on the neck next time you see him. ;)

If he has struggled to perform a couple of times he could be really scared this will happen again so is avoiding penetrative sex? It is a big knock to the confidence, and can be a vicious psychological circle. i.e - thinking he will fail so he does. This would fit with him trying when he had been drinking (dutch courage). Hopefully you will be able to talk about it and then maybe concentrate on non penetrative sex so he doesn't feel under pressure to perform. With the stress factor taken away I bet things will progress in the desired direction!

sorry I missed a page but sounds like you are on the right track now anyway :)

I wouldnt stand for trying to have a serious conversation like this with someone through text Ridiculous.

Sounds good, OP, but if he has put on weight over the last few months and is tired, maybe he should get his thyroids checked.

And he finds verbal communication difficult, so you have to adapt to that too?

You have to have conversations by text because he prefers to think before he articulates, even though you are a direct individual?

He is seeing how far around his finger he can wrap you.
He is in control of your sex life and the way you communicate with him at this point.

I agree with Gralick's verdict here too -- he has a problem with emotional intimacy and I think it is likely he overcomes his fear by controlling. This is not curable by someone willing to be patient or to learn to do as he wishes.

You are trying to cure him, be his fairy godmother, heal the wounds from his past, be better than the woman or women he had in his life before you who allegedly knocked the stuffing out of him.

Watch out for the unhealthy ego needs of your own that have drawn you to this man.

What is he doing for you besides making you feel grateful that such a mysterious, special and wounded creature somehow trusts you?