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Original poster

my boyfriend has gone off sex

34 replies

NickMyLipple · 30/03/2015 21:45

we have been together for 2 years. We have lived together for 18 months. Sex used to be every couple of days, and then once per week as that kinda fitted into our schedule. We're very intimate but neither of us are that bothered about sex.

Recently we have been having less and less sex. It's gone from regular weekly sex to barely every 2 or 3 weeks. I don't so much need sex to satisfy my sexdrive, but it's the time I feel closest to him, and as I said, we're very intimate anyway, but I need that closeness.

He said it's because it's too messy. He always has a shower after getting home from work, so to have sex after means another shower for him and fitting it in before dinner is a nightmare! Same goes for sex at bedtime.

Ideas? Solutions? Has he just gone off me?!Shock

Maybe we should try condoms? He isn't keen and it doesn't solve the problem.

OP posts:
MrsGPie01252 · 30/03/2015 21:52

Has he always showered when getting in from work? Also, if you used to do it a lot what has changed on the cleanliness front? Why is it a problem now when it wasn't a few months ago. It's not fair for him to withdraw his attentions away from you like this. It's understandable that you feel insecure.

Hope you can sort it out. You need to be very honest with him about how you feel. One thing I have learnt is that communication in a relationship is VERY important. It's the things left unsaid that will kill it. Don't be afraid to tell him now you feel.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 30/03/2015 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NickMyLipple · 30/03/2015 22:10

The shower is so shit!! Gpie, he has yes, but he worked in a different place, so was home earlier than he is now. We have great communication, and I've told him how I feel. He does WANT sex but he doesn't want the mess/cleanup that follows. I often end up giving him oral sex and he will touch me to avoid the mess, but it's the sex I miss!!

Also I think that even a year ago things were new and exciting and whilst that hasn't changed in the way we feel about each other, the sex has kinda fizzled out... But as I said, we're very intimate in other ways so it's not the end of the world, just a bit sad.

OP posts:
zigazigah01 · 30/03/2015 22:10

Can you emphasise the hotness of getting a bit sweaty and sticky together?

No joke, the mess of sex is my favourite part. Tell him you don't want him to run off to the shower anyway.

rubs thighs at thought of sweaty man

MrsGPie01252 · 30/03/2015 22:33

hahahaha zigazigah. It's a shame he sees the fabulous intimacy of sex as 'messy'. It's normal for sex to fizzle out a bit. Just don't let it fizzle out too much as it is really important too. Like you say it's makes you feel closer. It's the most intimate thing a couple can do and it's the difference between being lovers or friends.

TokenGinger · 30/03/2015 22:34

Tell him not to shower immediately when he gets home, then have sexy time and shower afterwards.

Baby wipes for his widge? Surely that's all that gets messy on man.

Or just get him a penis beaker for the side of the bed.

Original poster
NickMyLipple · 30/03/2015 22:42

I asked him if he wanted a penis beaker. He was like WTF. Then I had to explain the entire story. Basically, the answer to that is no!

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 30/03/2015 22:46

Can he just wash his penis afterwards? Why a full shower

TokenGinger · 30/03/2015 22:52

Oh man. What a spoil sport.

Penis beakers are every man's dream.

Surely he can just flop his nob in the sink afterwards?

I think he's being unreasonable.

AnyFucker · 30/03/2015 22:56

sex is meant to messy

he sounds abnormally prissy and uptight about having body fluids on him

is it his own or yours that disgust him to the point where he avoids sex ? Hmm

I think you are under reacting, tbh

he either has a wider problem with ocd tendencies (which you haven't referred to) or he finds something about you repellent

I would want to know exactly what

how convenient for him too, that he will lower himself to accept blow jobs....what a prince, eh

GlitteryLipgloss1 · 30/03/2015 23:29

Blowjobs aren't messy though are they Hmm

AnyFucker · 31/03/2015 06:41

not for him no

he is really fucking selfish (and shit on bed) though, isn't he ?

WildBillfemale · 31/03/2015 06:50

Well you aren't married you are in the 'try for fit' stage and I'd get rid. This isn't going to get better but will no doubt get a lot worse. He clearly finds sex dirty but is happy for you to pleasure him in messy ways. Do not marry or have kids with this person, find someone else.

textfan · 31/03/2015 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lacoba66 · 31/03/2015 07:45

"Anyfucker- "not for him no

he is really fucking selfish (and shit on bed) though, isn't he ?"

Now that would be messy Wink ....

BathtimeFunkster · 31/03/2015 08:12

I often end up giving him oral sex and he will touch me to avoid the mess.

:(

That is a really sad sex life.

He gets oral sex and in return you get a fumble to "avoid mess".

That can't be your sex life for the rest of your life.

It's not the end of the world, but it should be the end of this relationship.

Go and find someone who doesn't find sex with you disgusting (but is happy to use you for blow jobs).

AnyFucker · 31/03/2015 09:03

IN bed, sorry Smile

GinAndSonic · 31/03/2015 09:19

People get up and shower after sex? I cant be bothered with all that, the only time me and ex got up to clean up was when we had sex when i was on my period, otherwise its really not that messy, surely? Unless everyone else is producing far greater quantities of bodily fluids than i am? Its a bit sweaty, a bit sticky, a bit squelchy. Nothing that cant be sorted with a quick 2 min morning shower.
Im very big on the falling asleep, still panting, smelling of sex and each other, in each others arms. Id be pretty fucked off if my partner wanted to hop straight up and wash me off him / her.

thenextday · 31/03/2015 09:22

Oh I'm with you ginandsonic
I love the smell of sex.

wickedlazy · 31/03/2015 09:35

What does he think is "messy" about it? Surely having his dick wet from your saliva and (I assume) coming in your mouth isn't so different than dipping it in the other place? The place he's happy to put his fingers? Or is it the sweat aspect? Very odd op and completely unfair on you. Does he think you're too wet down there? Most mem find that a turn on, but it's nothing that taking a towel to bed to wipe off on can't fix.

wickedlazy · 31/03/2015 09:38

*men.

Sallyingforth · 31/03/2015 09:53

I think the two of you have had a rather brief honeymoon period and at least as far as he's concerned there is not much left to follow on with.
I'd say thank you and move on.

Psipsina · 31/03/2015 09:57

I kind of can understand what he means about it being too messy and then wanting another shower.

I don't mind not having sex if I can have the intimacy and closeness without it. Though probably once a month or so might be nice.

I haven't had any for years anyway - I don't think it has done me any harm.

ivykaty44 · 31/03/2015 10:12

That's why the French have bidet in their bathrooms, solves the problem

wallypops · 31/03/2015 10:50

Oh this is bollocks, and what a pathetic excuse. The fun of sex is to work up a bit of a sweat - and if you are in Northern Europe, its only going to be a bit of a sweat surely. Does he do oral with the tippy tippy of his tongue so his face stays unsoiled? Really this is going nowhere and fast. You'll end up making babies in a test tube with a turkey baster cos he just doesnt like putting his togger anywhere unsavoury.

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