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Original poster

Would this make you uncomfortable?

73 replies

Natash07 · 28/03/2015 05:41

I am dating a man who said the following to me. He said, "when we move to Singapore together I know this amazing nanny we could hire, she's a excellent cook , great with the kids etc, she used to work for me"... So I say ok. Then he carries on to tell me that he used to find her very hot and sexy and that she wore skimpy clothes and he used to masturbate thinking of her! ...He was a single dad at the time.

I feel uncomfortable about here being in our house now that I know that. Although I was happy that he was honest. He says nothing would ever happen, cause he's not like that etc, He's in a committed relationship and could never cheat etc...But still I feel uncomfortable. He would be constantly checking her out everyday, right? Isn't that putting temptation in his way?

Also hes likes to hang art of naked ( top half) sketches of women and sculptures of women in the house. I dont like that, Would you mind?

And finally he likes to say so so is hot and so so is gorgeous ...again it makes me uncomfortable.Its people we see regularly. I wont do that, I wouldn't say that guy was so handsome, I would think it maybe but i wouldn't say it. Especially if he is friend or work colleague of his.

He says,....its cause in my marriage, my ex husband cheated on me...so im extra sensitive..Am I? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Natash07 · 28/03/2015 09:02

The nanny and him are in touch...she used to work for him when lived there. And they are in touch and she would love to work for him... i even think he may have told her when he left the country.

So its sooooo weird, and I honestly dont see how he doesn't get it, but then he's not got a alot of friends and he does not have a filter in his head, he offends lot of people.

I really like him and we have fun... i understand him. He was never loved as a child, tough childhood, weight issues and low has low self esteem... It sounds like im defending him, but all im saying is he says weird, sometimes inappropriate things alot.

Its seems like the consensus is, it is disrespectful and ok that I that I think its not ok.

Thank you everyone for your replies

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 28/03/2015 09:07

You would be the wife love and she would be the mistress.

How on earth after only a year you think any of this is a good idea is mind boggling.

alicemalice · 28/03/2015 09:10

Oh god, don't let him suck you in with the sob stories. I found shitty men do this and you end up excusing them for all kinds of crap.

He may even be saying the thing about the nanny to get a reaction out of you.

I would be seriously reconsidering any move away with him.

CitySnicker · 28/03/2015 09:10

What a controlling twat.
Is he leaving his kids behind then when you move?
He basically starting to condition you to accept his behaviour and make out it's all your problem.
Is sex very very very important to him?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 28/03/2015 09:13

A year is a long time?

Maybe when you're 14- not when you're an adult with five kids between you.

I think you've been blinded by the Singapore business. Who would try to get their partner to employ the super hot someone they used to wank over?

TheHappinessTrap · 28/03/2015 09:22

I think he's trying to find out what your boundaries are. Do you know what they are?

Rozalia · 28/03/2015 09:40

Your last post raises even more red flags. Sad story about his upbringing, but you "understand" him. Also, a year is not a long time, especially when you're considering uprooting your children to a new country.

I'd seriously reconsider this whole relationship.

imjustahead · 28/03/2015 09:50

yes because he's been shagging the nanny in the past, and he intends to do so (when you leave your entire life and take your children to Singapore) again.

sounds like a twat to me.

Lovingfreedom · 28/03/2015 10:05

You are considering moving to Singapore with YOUR CHILDREN to move in with a man you've known a year to live with a nanny he masturbates over?

Joysmum · 28/03/2015 10:08

It's one thing to fantasise about someone you find attractive and quite another to wank off while thinking about an employee, and then tell your partner, and then bring the object of your fantasies into your home

Well said.

paxtecum · 28/03/2015 10:09

He sounds like an embarrassment TBH.
You say he offends lots of people. In that case you may find HK very isolating if he upsets potential friends.

Do your DCs see much of their father? Is he a good father and if so, how will he react to his kids being so far away?

My XH did the wanking over pretty women too. He told me it was normal and I was over reacting. Like a fool I believed him.

If I was you, I'd dump him.

Lovingfreedom · 28/03/2015 10:09

And remember...he told you that information freely. He expects you to ok with that. I have a feeling if you make the move, nanny masturbation could be the least of your worries.

Skiptonlass · 28/03/2015 10:14

Run fast, and run far. Lots of red flags here.

franklyidontgiveadamscarlet · 28/03/2015 10:15

Sounds like a Arnold Schwarzenegger you've got there.
What is worse is someone telling you he gets his rocks of to someone else.
Imagine living there and knowing she is in your home and he is watching her and at night he is having sex with you..

And he is still talking to her now.
How old are all the children.

Lovingfreedom · 28/03/2015 10:15

'I honestly don't see how he doesn't get it'....of course he 'gets' it. I don't think you do 'understand' him. He's taking you for a fool.

Anniegetyourgun · 28/03/2015 10:16

Why doesn't he just go out there and marry the nanny? Why does he have to bring a British (I assume) wife and her children along too? Is he expecting you to pay the fares? Hmm

Just because you are moved by his life story and it may explain some of his issues does not mean you should put up with disrespectful behaviour. There are a number of women on here whose partners have had truly awful upbringings and yet somehow manage to be decent and loving men. This one seems to be using his past as an excuse to behave like a dick, which is just not on.

Do not, repeat do not, move overseas unless it's something you already want to do and would be happy with even if this guy doesn't stay with you when you get there.

Vivacia · 28/03/2015 10:33

I honestly dont see how he doesn't get it,

He gets it. He gets that you don't like it. He just doesn't give a shit.

Vivacia · 28/03/2015 10:35

And I agree with PP. The difficult childhood and "low self esteem" are just being used to get away with shitty behaviour.

pocketsaviour · 28/03/2015 10:42

I suspect that he's probably entertaining the idea of a MFF threesome with you and the nanny. Unless you've mentioned that as a fantasy, you just do NOT tell your OH "Hey, let's employ this person who I'm incredibly attracted to."

expatinscotland · 28/03/2015 10:53

Yuk. He sounds like a disgusting perv.

shirleybasseyslovechild · 28/03/2015 10:59

what is going to happen to your five children and their other parents if you move ?

pictish · 28/03/2015 11:02

Eugh!

Twinklestein · 28/03/2015 11:06

Come on OP you know this is no good.

I can't believe you don't know this man is awful. I can't believe you don't know you could do a lot better. And I really can't believe that you would even consider upping sticks to Singapore to live in a menage a trois with his nanny.

He says inappropriate things a lot, he offends a lot of people - because he's an arse.

Christinayangstwistedsister · 28/03/2015 11:08

She isn't a nanny she is a maid, brought over probably from the Philippines for a salary of 300 per month if she is lucky. She will live with you

Cheap sex is available on tap in Singapore with guys going for blowjobs at the end of the night instead of a kebab....this sounds like an ideal life for him...but do you want to live like that?

Christinayangstwistedsister · 28/03/2015 11:09

You will have limited rights in Singapore as you will be on a dependents pass.....be very very careful

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