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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I need some support and hand holding

63 replies

TheHobbit · 25/03/2015 09:56

Well my DP has just tet again sent me a breakup text when im at work!! I'm devastated, It's been a very tough relationship as he has bipolar, we were together for two years abd I stuck by him through thick and thin, we live together. I also managed to get him diagnosed and on good meds to manage his bipolar. He has very low downs though and he has a huge chip on his shoulder from his past. He has never put me first always himself so he is very selfish and he can't manage basic tasks. But I stuck by him and I took on our responsibilities and also the breadwinner role. Now he decided he only loves me as a friend and wants to move out.

It is stressful living with him as hes always moody but I still love him with all my heart. I feel broken and sitting at work in tears! Please help

OP posts:

Vivacia · 26/03/2015 10:20

Can you tell us more detail about the housing arrangements? Owned or rented? Who is on contract? Who pays what?

Cherryapple1 · 26/03/2015 10:28

no you don't need to fork out a penny. What planet is he on. He is taking you for a fool - sorry. Why can't he go to his parents house?

Original poster

TheHobbit · 26/03/2015 10:45

His parents live in Cape Town and he wants to stay here. His aunt doesn't want him as he's lived there before and she knows how hard it is. Both of us are on rental but I pay as he doesn't work which is why he feels trapped.

OP posts:

hippymama1 · 26/03/2015 10:54

I'm sorry if I am sounding really hard here but if he can't support himself in the UK then he will have to go to CT.

He is no longer your responsibility, he is the responsibility of his family so his parents and aunt need to decide between them who is going to take him in for the time being until he can sort himself out. Have you spoken to his aunt?

If your names are both on the lease then that makes it a bit trickier - when does the lease run out? What are the terms of your rental? Just thinking ahead, in that you don't want to be broken up but still supporting him financially because he has no job / nowhere to go / can't stay with his aunt.

Cherryapple1 · 26/03/2015 10:54

Sorry, but his housing needs and future aren't really your problem - to put it bluntly.

Vivacia · 26/03/2015 11:08

He's dumped you, his wishes (not needs) regarding housing are not your responsibility.

Would you like to be the one to move out?

Original poster

TheHobbit · 26/03/2015 12:38

Im making plans to go back to SA I need to go home. I can stay with my parents and then run the b&b

OP posts:

Vivacia · 26/03/2015 12:47

I think being around people who care for you is a great idea.

As is a new venture, if it's an idea that excites you and/or works for you.

hippymama1 · 26/03/2015 13:03

Good for you hobbit sure you will feel loads better when you are at home with your folks and people who can support you. Is there anywhere else you could stay temporarily in the meantime? Even if it's just for a few days to get since space.

Original poster

TheHobbit · 26/03/2015 21:23

Now I've just messed everything up. I couldn't cope with the pain and convinced him to try again and not only that but to move into a different area!!! What have I done??? I just can't cope with the pain. I was planning to go home Why do I do this?

OP posts:

Cherryapple1 · 26/03/2015 21:28

Tell him you changed your mind and you do want to go home - alone.

hippymama1 · 27/03/2015 07:17

hobbit Please try to find some time and space for yourself to decide what you really want...

It's hard to walk away from someone you love and it's hard to get through the initial pain of the break up and I really feel for you, as I am sure everyone else who had commented here does.

CountryMummy1 · 27/03/2015 07:30

This was me 7 years ago. I knew I was in a doomed relationship which was such hard work it made me depressed and ill. I eventually found the strength to leave him and started to live life again. I meet the most wonderful man online and when we got together it was so easy....no dramas, no rows, just happiness and respect. We got married 2 years later and now have 2 babies. Life couldn't be better.

Please be strong. You deserve better, you just need to realise it.

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