AIBU to think that the younger children in the family often get treated better by parents?

[MiddleAgedandConfused]

Just that really - do younger children get preferential treatment i.e. not expected to help as much, get more support from the bank of mum and dad, etc.

No, I think it's random with different families.

Certainly in my experience - and I'm a younger sister.

I see it in friends families too where far more is expected of the older child.

Of course my study sample is fairly small though.

I think younger children have the advantage of parents who are more mature, have learnt lots with previous children, and have had a change to better themselves financially to be more supportive of younger siblings from the off.

Definitely the case in my family although I think it was a mixture of being both the youngest and the only boy. Allowed to be extremely rude and disrespectful, never expected to help out with chores etc, always excuses made for him. He's 31 now and a deeply scary and messed up person and parents are still making excuses for him

Why do parents do this?

I think being youngest has its benefits; less helping out, parents less strict and more life experienced with how to look after children.

but it has its negatives too; siblings have 'done' stuff before you so there's usually less 'cheerleading' from family members re achievements, most of your stuff will be second hand, and you have to put up with older sibs doing cool stuff you can't/arent allowed to do.

As with everything there's pros and cons.

Yes, definitely. But I also think older children get the better end of deal in the long run - I would say there's a definite trend towards them being more mature and successful in adult life (I'm a younger child btw). So I don't think the extra attention does the younger child much good.

I try hard to treat my dd's the same, but I am guilty of babying the little one. She's only two, so I guess I think of her a baby really, but perhaps I need to be more aware.

I'm not just talking about DCs at home - often the preferential treatment carries on into adult life.

In my personal experience as an older child yes, definitely, and in so many ways I'd get RSI telling you! My best friend is the same, and my DH as the youngest received preferential treatment (though according to his siblings & not him funnily enough haha).

I think it's more the case that Child #1 you're learning what works as a parent much more than with subsequent children. I look back at some of the things I expected of DC1 and they are very different from the expectations we have of DC #4. Probably both positively and negatively for both of them. DC's 2, 3 and 4 have definitely benefited with the hindsight learned through their older sibling, but then DC1 benefited from many other things just through being virtue of being the eldest child.

Is that you DSis?

My two older sisters always complained I was spoiled more than them.

I was a bit. But I was a nicer teen than them so it was their own fault.

In adulthood it evened out.

I think my older brother would say it carries on, but it might just be that our circumstances are very different.

My parents have never had adult children before me and my brother so I guess they're just making it up as they go along and hoping they don't upset anyone!

Not at all in my case, my 2 older brothers got preferential treatment, I actually remember my Dad crying when I was younger and saying sorry that he treated them better than me!

My own DB (7 years younger) was given his first job, bought a car, lent money for his first house, the list is endless. Big bro and I got zero. Nothing. Nowt. Squat. Love little bro dearly and do not begrudge him anything, but wonder why my parents were so blind to the difference in how they treated us. My mum freely admits it now.

I think yes. My younger sisters definately got preferential treatment and still do. Only now DM admits it.

My DH is the eldest but only boy in the family (including cousins etc..) so he gets spoiled as a result. But definately my youngest SiL is absolutely spoiled. DFiL admits it too.

I suspect its all to do with the last baby thing. I could be wrong though...

But we all talk about pfb on MN - not precious last born.

I am scared I will end up dong the same without realising it!

Absolutely. My DP's run around after my youngest sister like adoring flunkies. And make no bones about the preferential treatment they hand out. They do her shopping, make meals for her, gardening, ironing, ferrying about, bankrolling....I could go on. My sister (Mariah Carey as DH calls her) is incredibly spoiled and selfish as a result and a stark reminder to me of what would happen if I dished out preferential treatment to any one of my dc.

Totally aware that DC3 is getting away with everything but i am soooo overworked by the other two it seems to be easier to give in for DC3.
I know i need to get a grip but he is my last baby and i love to kiss his chubby cheeks!! Spoiled and naughty that is what he is and this has to change!!! Give me strength MN!

From a material / financial POW, my younger siblings were favoured. For example, my (very basic) mobile phone was my birthday present, whereas they got theirs for no reason, because they "needed" one.

However, I believe my youngest sibling was emotionally neglected during his teenage years, when he was the only one left at home. It is as if our parents had completely checked out from parenting.

I do think that can be true if there is a significant age gap.

My dsis is 5 years younger and had more financial assistance and opportunities growing up because my mum and dad were more financially secure.

I don't resent that at all, my parents were just in a different part of their lives and had more disposable income. I think they also had more time and patience with my dsis but that's another very long, boring story.

I had a completely different relationship with my parents for various reasons but I can honestly say it has been the making of me. I left home at 19 to move 120 miles away and have never looked back. Both my siblings are still very local to my parents.

I am the black sheep

Not in my family. It was my dbro who got everything. I had to work at it all, and I'm glad I wasn't spoilt like him.

At Xmas he always got what he wanted, and birthdays. Was never happy about what he got spoilt bastard
He was allowed to join clubs etc. As soon as I asked to join say Brownies, it was a big fat no.

I still to this day don't understand the mentality behind my dps thinking, and my dbro has noticed that I was treated unfairly.

My dps haven't acknowledged it as such, but I know I'm equal in their wills.

I think this is true in many cases.

My eldest sibling had to do all of the ice breaking, having continual wars to get my over-strick parents to back off slightly from believing any relaxation of the rules would spoil the child. But the time my youngest sibling came along, my parents were much more relaxed and that child could do much as he pleased with school being how he fancied it and stealing money from the other siblings attracting a mild telling off.

The youngest turned out fine in the end and has (had) a far far closer relationship with my parents than the rest of us.

Youngest is the baby and treated accordingly.
Research shows the eldest child usually is the most successful (job/money) has highest expectations placed on them.
I am number three out of five and was the rebel!!!!

Depends on the family I guess. I have an older sister 3 older brothers and a younger sister and we we're all pretty much treated equally although to be fair my older sister is 11 years older than my younger one so they have probably been treated differently! My mum was my Grandads favourite she was child number 9 out of 16.

Depends on the family.

I'm the baby and as a child I did have the advantage of parents who were more financially secure and able to do more things with me (my siblings were much older). I went on 2 foreign holidays, for example, and my siblings didn't as they'd left home by then. Not only were my parents earning a bit more, I was effectively like an only child for several years.

On the other hand...there were disadvantages as well. I was more babied and didn't have as much freedom as they had had.

As an adult they try to treat us all the same but if there is a difference, I usually get the short straw. So if there are several of us staying somewhere, they get beds and I get the floor. This has even continued to next generations - when they had my son and my two nephews staying, all similar ages, my nephews got the two spare beds and my son got a sleeping bag on the floor. In our family adults take priority over kids, oldest over youngest, and it still happens even now we are adults. My parents don't mean anything nasty by it, they just think 'loveareading won't mind'.