AIBU to think that the younger children in the family often get treated better by parents?

[MiddleAgedandConfused]

Just that really - do younger children get preferential treatment i.e. not expected to help as much, get more support from the bank of mum and dad, etc.

All I can say is that my youngest DB was the only one weeping at DM's funeral. We all wept for DF, who was kind, clever and witty. DM was more of a natural phenomenon, like the weather or a pyroclastic flow.

I've certainly seen youngest children getting babied and spoiled, by families where the youngest gets cast in the role of "baby," and gets treated accordingly for an entire lifetime. And it is rarely a positive thing for the "babies" in question, who aren't required to develop into fully-fledged mature individuals, and can become grown-up wasters, or entitled bullies.

But I have found those cases to be rare.

What does appear more generalised, is that the tension of being a "beginner" parent causes the eldest to be raised in a stricter environment, and the youngest to be raised in a much more lax environment, by more confident parents. Which does tend to produce slightly more anxious and more over-achieving eldests, and more creative and rebellious youngests.

I agree that the first born gets a stricter upbringing, but then, when they turn out fine, the DPs are more laid back with the following DCs as they realize that they can parent after all!

I think age gap counts for a lot though. If the youngest is by far younger than they might get babied, but if there are several DCs, by the time the youngest appears parents are less 'amazed' by their achievements. Amazement at achievements is mostly bestowed upon fb.

I got the strictest upbringing I still do I'm not sure why - I'm not allowed to town (night out) without my dads permission, my 20 year old sister is!!

I am the eldest and always felt that my youngest DSIS in particular got away with murder. She can still be quite a spoilt brat on occasion. Being the eldest you also have to fight a bit more for things that your younger siblings then get just because you did at that age (ear piercing in our case).

Interestingly my DH is also the eldest and noticed similar things in his family. Needless to say, we're acutely aware of not doing the same with our DD if we have any more DC!

Yanbu. My parents bought my younger brother - in his early 30s and with a good job - another car this week. £13k. The second car they've bought him in recent years. Where are my two cars, you ask? A very good bloody question! :-/

I can see both sides of this - I know youngest children who are spoilt and oldest children who are spoilt too. the elder child will normally get the bigger room and more toys which are then passed down to the younger child. The parents will agonise over when to let the older child do X, Y or Z and then not think twice about it for the younger one. the older child will be fussed over as a baby and have millions of photos taken, while the youngest of a large family can experience "benevolent neglect" because the parents have several children to deal with.

And so it goes on.

In some families the parents do have favourites and make no bones about it.

My (elder) sister would agree with you - she resents me for being allowed to stay out later than she was at the same age. The fact that this was because my mum had just died passes her by.

In adulthood she gets financial support from our dad and I get fuck-all. I'm angry, sad and bitter about it.

My BIL (youngest of 3) still lives at home at 34. Doesn't really work, is fussed over, doesn't do chores, doesnâ??t pay rent, doesn't buy food or birthday/Xmas presents, shouts, swears and is completely disrespectful.

It really doesn't bode well for the future - I doubt he knows that council tax and water bills exist. His parents are lovely and think they're helping him, but he's going to have huge problems in the future.

I am the youngest of four none if my diblings had to cook dinner every night, I did from age 14 I was aldo expected to fo much more house work than they ever did. My eldest sister thinks I was spoilt and got much more finacial help. The difference is my mum went back to work when I was 14 and she treated middle sister like a god because she was smart (she did not even have to help wash the dishes in her last year of school) and my brother didnt have to do much work around the house as he was a boy.

Freedom wise yes but the eldest usually get treated far better. Younger ones tend to get less photos, far fewer newer items as expected to have cast offs and being constantly compared to older siblings.

My brother (eldest) got a private education, the rest of us slummed it at the local comprehensive! He earns a lot more than the rest of us and we hardly see him and sil. He is very selfish and entitled.