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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What age were you when you met someone decent?

60 replies

Ouchbloodyouch · 20/03/2015 18:47

Having put up with my fair share of arseholes (my poor boundaries) I have tried to build up my self esteem and learn more about what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship. I have also come to the conclusion that I was very co dependent in my last relationship and I will ensure that doesn't happen again. I've been on the relationship boards full time reading the fabulous advice and opinions. I am also a huge fan of tony gaskin and baggage reclaim.
So I met someone precisely two weeks ago and its lovely. I have already made one post about potential red flags but since then I haven't had any cause to worry
He seems decent. But I simply cannot enjoy it. I just wonder ok here we go how will this one fuck up then? What are you hiding? When is your facade going to slip?
Everything goes tits up so why bother?
Or could he actually be just a decent bloke?
I am 43 jaded and looking for positive stories that some other mumsnetters have actually met a good man later on in life?
I just feel like I am forever doomed to bad relationships
Even if I do notice any worrying traits and end it I would be proud of my new zero tolerance stance but fucked off that I had paired up with another knob

OP posts:

Tutt · 20/03/2015 20:18

I'd known him and been friends since I was 7 but we only got together when I was 40.
Inbetween I dated/lived with a few awful men as I had awful taste. This included my DS father who was the worst!

My DH is the complete oppisite of my past taste plus I never fancied him until I learnt that I was worth loving and valued myself. One day he came round for coffee and kissed me... the rest as they say is history.

I could kick myself that he has been under my nose all that time and I had been blind to him BUT I was such a damaged soul that it wouldn't have worked until I learnt to heal.

Ragwort · 20/03/2015 20:20

I've met some really nice men in my time - I don't think I've ever been involved with anyone who was really horrible. My first marriage ended after a couple of years but genuinely because I felt I had married too young, nothing wrong with the man. I probably let the real love of my life go because I felt we were too young at the time to have a serious relationship. .

Gruntbaby · 20/03/2015 20:22

I have mainly had relationships with good, decent men. Met them all aged late teens, early twenties before I settled down. As I am still friends with almost all my exes I obviously think they are decent, just not for me: 6 good guys, 2 red flaggers (got rid of them sharpish) and 1 where I'd say the jury is still out.

I know some nice unattached men who are in their thirties/forties. Some are a little ... quirky... but all signs appear positive. Hang on in there.

SignoraStronza · 20/03/2015 20:28

But didn't get together with him until I was 30. There was definitely chemistry but I remember thinking he was far too 'nice' and he was too bloody respectful and didn't try to jump me. If I'd known then what I know now... that nice men could also be incredibly naughty then life would have been a lot calmer.

Churchillian · 20/03/2015 20:28

I was 40 and we met in a fairly random friends of work colleagues way in the pub. He tracked me down afterwards and we emailed each other for a while - I was very wary. Eventually we met up and now 3.5 years later we live together and have 2 children! I feel completely comfortable and happy with him and most things are easy. Never been so happy :)

paxtecum · 20/03/2015 20:32

I'm 63, was married to a arsehole for 30 years.
Single ever since.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 20/03/2015 20:33

15,17,18, 22, 30, 31, 32,33,34,35...I chose to stick with the last one. :)

Four125 · 20/03/2015 20:34

There were a lot of frogs before that......

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 20/03/2015 21:11

About 21, though I didn't have much to do with him until I was 23, at which point I suddenly realised he might actually turn out to be quite the catch. Still together nearly four years on.

Snoozybird · 20/03/2015 21:26

Left my abusive exH at 35 then met the love of my life at 36, we've been married 18months now and he's lovely and doesn't have a small penis

DustBunnyFarmer · 20/03/2015 21:27

Pixa · 20/03/2015 21:28

I was 16 when I first met my now DH. I saw him in the office and thought 'That man will be mine one day', unfortunately, he was ten years older and seeing someone. I was 19 when we went on our first date. Married at 24.

He is a true gent; I honestly couldn't feel luckier.

DixieNormas · 20/03/2015 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeirdCatLady · 20/03/2015 21:38

Somehow he has stuck by me through all my shit and this year we celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. Both of us are much nicer people in our 40's than we ever were in our 20's.

JammieMummy · 20/03/2015 21:44

Met on my 24th birthday! I was recently out of a crappy relationship and told him I wasn't interested, luckily he knew better and informed me 3 months later that one day he would marry me (we had been properly dating a month by then). 9 years later, one wedding, two children and more love and happiness than I could possibly put into words and we are more in love than ever!

Everyday I thank my stars for him!

JustGiveUpGatekeeper · 20/03/2015 23:09

I'm 46.
I met my current boyfriend age 43. He used to gad about a little with my siblings years ago so was known to my family. He is a generally all round perceived Good Person.

However, my first boyfriend aged 21 was also very decent. He was the Vicar's son though which helped. We only split because we were both too young really, it had run it's course. His next 3 wives didn't seem to enjoy being married to him though.

My next boyfriend was also very decent too, in fact the similarities between him and my current one are spooky. I always remember wishing for a boyfriend who had all the qualities of #2 but who I also actually physically found attractive, which was the issue in our relationship, as I simply didn't fancy him and that's what split us.

It took boyfriend #3 to make a real comparison between the good and evil in this world...

Anyway OP, just to encourage you, it does happen in your Forties.

Boomf · 20/03/2015 23:15

Now married and very happy

Ps you're massively over thinking this new relationship

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 20/03/2015 23:20

boomf its not the relationship I am over thinking.

OP posts:

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 20/03/2015 23:32

22 and 35. Luckily, the guys I got into proper relationships with seem to be decent. The one I met at 22 I married and had two children with. I couldn't have picked a better father for my children, so no regrets there, even though the relationship ended. The second, it's been almost two years and the relationship is blissful. I met him at 35. I don't think age has anything to do with it. I found it as hard to meet guys in my twenties as I did in my thirties, but managed to find gems.

SycamoreMum · 20/03/2015 23:33

Originally met this person in 2011 when I was 26. We were an item for much of that year. It was seriously intense. We were going to move in together, we even thought about children etc. however things went left, when an ex of his said she'd had his baby. I couldn't cope with that and we became strained after that situation. We broke up. I wanted to be the one to give him a baby

He found me on Facebook in late 2012 and he told me the child wasn't his. I was shocked and slightly excited, BUT I was in a relationship with someone else. We left it at him telling me he loved me.

2014 I had my daughter, but by now me and her father have gone separate ways. Theres an ocean between us but I still feel he's too close... The bastard.

Anyway, in January of this year he's found me again. We met up, made up, broke my bed and yes he lives in Bristol for now but we're all roses again and I'm now 30.

He's the most sincere, decent, loving, handsomest (?) guy I've ever dealt with. And there were alot to sift through trust me Good luck with your relationship

Judydreamsofhorses · 20/03/2015 23:35

30, but I was 37 before we really made a proper go of it.

BallsforEarrings · 20/03/2015 23:36

Original poster

Ouchbloodyouch · 21/03/2015 00:45

balls

OP posts:

Effii · 21/03/2015 00:53

Now 53. Thirty years and he is still the love of my life.

Dreamiesrcatopium · 21/03/2015 00:56

My first love at 16 was a lovely chap but I broke it off when he proposed at 19. We were just too young. I then had two long term arse holes who both broke my heart. Met DH at 27, been together 9 years married 4.

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