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Original poster

Mixed race relationships and dissaproving parents, friends etc

48 replies

nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:13

I just wondered if there is anyone on here who is in or has been in a mixed race relationship and faced disaproval from parents, friends relatives etc ??

Religion isn't invloved or anything.

OP posts:
Freckle · 29/10/2006 11:14

Have you found someone??

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:21

Erm no, well not really.

I was looking through profiles of blokes in my area on a dating site and out of bloody hundreds I only found 2 that I fancied and liked their profiles.
Anyway, me being me, I did sod all about either of them, thought i'd stand no chance etc etc.

Anyway, checked my hotmail today and one of them has sent me a message .

He is mixed race (asian i think), I am white. Doesn't bother me in the slightest never has done but my dad would go off his head, would probably never talk to me again.

OP posts:
kama · 29/10/2006 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chandra · 29/10/2006 11:23

Poor chap, please spare him that misery.

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:24

Oh i don't care what people in the street think at all, even friends really, but my dad well thats a different kettle of fish.

My mum wouldn't be too impressed either tbh but i know i could talk her round.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:27

So you think I should just not contact the guy at all Chandra ??

I don't mean my dad would be racist towards him. What I mean is that my dad would cut himself off from me all together probably, at least for a while.

When I met xp, me and my dad didn't speak for months because of the age gap, but he wasn't horrible to xp, just had no contact with either of us.
Eventually my dad came round and always got on great with him after that.

Just not sure he'd come round in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:28

My dad is not an awful man, far from it, and he has 3 mixed race neices. I think he has seen what 2 mixed race relationships have done to his sister and thats why he isn't in favour.

Am not explaining very well.

OP posts:
saintAugustine · 29/10/2006 11:29

is it not worth giving it a go - you might not like each other anyway. and its going to be months beofre you introduce him to kids and family. by which time you can assess whether he is nice person.

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:32

I think I just don't wanna get into a big mess with it all.

I know me and I know that if i meet him and really like him that I won't give a toss what anyone else thinks which is great for me, but not so great for my relationship with my dad.

I took a liking to an asian boy that lived by my nans when I was about 15 and my dad went nuts, told me I couldn't even speak to him etc etc.

OP posts:
Chandra · 29/10/2006 11:36

"I don't mean my dad would be racist towards him. What I mean is that my dad would cut himself off from me all together probably, at least for a while. "

If the only reason why your father would cut himself from you is his race, then I think that would be "being racist" toward him.

Sure you can contact him, but bear in mind that putting up with racist stuff is very trying for a relationship. Years ago I would have told you to ignore the comments and that the important thing is that you both are happy with each other, now I would tell you to think it twice, as being in a non very welcoming circle is surely going to affect your relationship and cause a lot of heartache. But probably that would teach your dad that other races are not necesarily bad, but would it be fair on you both to serve as subjects for teaching purposes? that only depends on how good the student is...

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:42

I do wanna contact him though, he seems lovely and very nice looking lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:43

I meant he wouldn't actually make racist remarks towards him.

Perhaps I should forget it then.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 29/10/2006 11:44

Nutcracker, I think that if you don't get in touch with a man you like purely on the basis of his skin colour, because your dad wouldn't like it, you're actually I have to say colluding a bit in your dad's racism. But then I am mixed race and so is my partner, and we're both gorgeous .

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:48

I know what you mean MI and I did think that, as i would only not be replying because of his skin colour which is awful, and so not me at all.

Oh sod it, I am going to reply (tonight when kids are in bed). His profile made me smile when i saw it yesterday and I don't do much smiling lately, and he sent me a message , thats a first for me

At the end of the day I might not like him when I get to know him anyway.

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 29/10/2006 11:49

i do see Chandras point here.

your dad sounds ignorant and reactionary to me, and if he were my dad (i know, i know, easy to say, but i really think its true) i wouldnt mind in the slightest if he didnt talk to me, if that was his reason!

its the 21st sodding century ffs. god, i really cant abide racism. its so THICK.

Freckle · 29/10/2006 11:50

Hmm, on the one hand you say your dad only feels that way because of his sister's experience, but then you say he disapproved of a friendship when you were aged 15. It does strike me that your dad is racist.

How good is your relationship with your dad now? Do you see him a lot? Rely on his support? If so, it's probably not worth jeopardising it for the sake of someone who only appears nice on paper (he may well be very nice, but you can only go by his online profile for now). If your relationship with your dad is fairly lukewarm anyway, I'd probably go for it and then take things as they come depending on how the new relationship pans out.

prettymummified · 29/10/2006 11:52

im bengali, my partner is jamaican, i dont see my family anymore as the disapprove of different race and rerligion issues. even though we have kids, they are still to stubborn to accept.

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:52

Yeah but I know I would mind though.
Me and my dad have a very close relationship and when I got with Xp he eventually said that he didn't really agree with the relationship but that if there was a one in a million chance it would work and we could be happy then he had to say it was ok, and he did.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:53

Freckle, his sister had already had 2 awful mixed race relationships when I was 15.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 29/10/2006 11:54

Oh, I'm glad you didn't think I was barking at you

Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:54

No no MI, agreed completely

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 29/10/2006 11:55

I am off to mull it around in my head whilst ironing LOL.

Will come back to this later.

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 29/10/2006 11:55

cor, prettymummified. that must be a bit of a trial. its such a total shame for all concerned that your family and kids miss out on relationships because of ignorance isnt it?

prettymummified · 29/10/2006 11:58

i do get upset about my dc not knowing my side of the family but i have to protect them from being made to feel like they're different.

but my children have all the love from us and dps family.

Freckle · 29/10/2006 11:59

But were they awful because of the race or just because some relationships don't work out? If it was the race issue, was that because of outsiders disapproving? Is your dad now saying that you and dp didn't work out because of his age and that he was right all along?

There are so many factors which contribute to a relationship breaking down that it's difficult to say it was because of one specific thing. To say that it was because of the race of one of the parties may just be an easy one to latch onto if you are racist.

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