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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

my husband is having a psychotic episode

39 replies

acnebrideofFrankenstein · 29/10/2006 04:51

Which at least explains all the behaviour I was struggling with so much.

Some of it quite funny tbh - he's got rid of our shower curtain and the bathmats. Why? 'Oh, I think we've had enough of the bathmats, don't you?' Couldn't think of an answer to that one.

Please send him a friendly thought or prayer, if you do that sort of thing. He's at his parents at the moment - just drove there in the middle of the night.

OP posts:

corblimeymadam · 29/10/2006 04:55

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californifright · 29/10/2006 05:29

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YeahBat · 29/10/2006 05:36

Thinking of you both.
{{{{{hug}}}}}

cat71 · 29/10/2006 06:24

How horrendous for you. Is he getting treatment? My husband is bipolar and has had 2 manic episodes (with some psychotic characteristics) since we've been together - both times I was pregnant - so I really feel for you. Have you got plenty of support? Don't know how I would have managed without my family nearby.

foxtrot · 29/10/2006 06:38

Thinking of you. My BIL and my friend's husband are both bipolar and it's scarey to witness the manic phases (fortunately both are having treatment now). Has you DH been diagnosed with an illness?

Pruni · 29/10/2006 07:36

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FrannyandZooey · 29/10/2006 07:41

Thinking of you, and him

I like the shower curtains - I remember some desperately strange and, in retrospect, funny conversations I have had with a manic friend

zippitippitoes · 29/10/2006 07:42

hope he gets stabilised soon

can his parents cope?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 29/10/2006 08:24

Have you ever heard of this organisation that helps such people and their families?. Their website is detailed below:-

www.mdf.org.uk

zippitippitoes · 30/10/2006 07:24

How are things?

californifright · 30/10/2006 17:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mellowma · 30/10/2006 17:51

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Original poster

acnebrideofFrankenstein · 01/11/2006 09:22

thanks so much for all the posts - sorry for disappearing.

sunday was so absolutely weird I find it hard to think about. dh basically accused me of infidelity, said he didn't know whether he was ds's father - all sorts of stuff. In a way this was almost easier to deal with in that it was just ridiculous. what is harder is the stuff with some reality in it - like 3 years ago I agreed to pay something for my father, said to dh it would only be a couple of payments when in fact it was a year's contract. he says he's not really trusted me since then. This all goes with having seen himself in the film we went to see on Thursday night. It's like trying to live in a world where I'm just not sure what he's seeing when he looks at me.

dh has stopped taking his medication - 5 days ago. it looks at the moment like he will never take it again. We've had lots of contact with the Crisis Team locally and should get an appointment with his usual consultant there maybe tomorrow. I have clearly got a serious face on because everybody there starts off thinking it's me having the crisis...

he is a different person. cooler. more irritable, more negative. wants more togetherness. some of this is funny, like on monday we decided to have coffee, and he made a single mug of it for us to share... and some awful. he's opening my post and emails - i've now told him to ask first - don't know if he will. i lost my mobile phone and he gave it to me - suddenly the sim card is gone. he denies taking it out. given my level of organisation it is just possible i managed to lose it without remembering but unlikely. Then yesterday i was off to a tea with some antenatal group mums - he really wanted to come and i was happy that he should - so he chats for 30 seconds and then spends the rest of the time in another room reading the paper. He got angry with me taking lots of stuff home at the end (I'd made a cake with the kids etc so there were piles of things, plus I travel in a kind of cloud of plastic bags anyway) and threw them all in the car (incidentally catching ds with the tin of Birds custard powder i think) and we head off home.

it's all so bl**dy reminiscent of my first husband, tbh - not the medication/illness but the anger, the tension, the inability to see why i need to see other people, the rudeness. I swore I would never be in this situation again.

Big positive - he's sleeping really well. he's suffered so much from bad sideeffects, I can't blame him for wanting to do life wihtout medication, how can I?

I'm so muddled. i've been desperate to post tbh, or to talk to somebody, but he's so furious with me talking to people locally.

i think i just breathed out for the first time in 3 days.

OP posts:

ItalianJob · 01/11/2006 09:38

oh dear, sorry you have been having such a tough time with him. it does sounds like he is ill rather than being controlling, even if his behaviour is bringing back bad memories of your ex. I do hope that they can find some better more recent medication for him with more tolerable side effects that he might take - might it be worth your while doing a bit of online research as to whether your dh might be better off on other medication.

SaintHunkerOfMunker · 01/11/2006 09:41

Acnebride, it all sounds exhausting and very worrying. Are you being supported? Have a huge hug x x x x x

hoxtonchick · 01/11/2006 09:43

gosh it sounds so hard for you acnebride. hope by posting here you are getting some support. is there anything anyone can do to help? take care.

Miaou · 01/11/2006 09:46

acnebride, this must be so hard to cope with.

Do you think the Crisis team will be able to persuade him to begin medication again (or try something different)? They must be used to dealing with people in your dh's situation.

I wish I could help - I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers though, if nothing else.

((((hugs))))

Mellowma · 01/11/2006 09:46

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Pruni · 01/11/2006 09:49

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Pruni · 01/11/2006 09:49

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Original poster

acnebrideofFrankenstein · 01/11/2006 09:55

i'm in two minds - at least.

I want to support him in his bid to be free of medication. he's been on some really heavy stuff almost non-stop for 18 years, and it's not like it's stopped him having depressions or other stuff. he/his consultant are constantly tinkering with dosages, drugs etc. it's exhausting - like being a professional guineapig. he literally has taken handfuls of pills every night since i've known him. his weight goes up and down, he will sleep all the time for a while, then for a week he'll be so racked with tics and akithesias (involuntary muscle movements/restlessness - horrible) that he can't sleep at all. he was once on a course and kept dozing off because he was on a sedating drug - the lovely people he was with took a video of him and showed it as a big laugh at the end of the course.

but i am also petrified. like i say, he's a different person. what is he thinking or going to do? I feel responsible for ds, for him and for me. i wonder if am i doing the wrong thing by not encouraging him to go back on medication? I just can't do it, it's not my personality. why the hell should he?

i'm not expecting answers to these questions by the way, I'm just venting!

I've been given numbers for carer support so i'm going to phone them.

and pruni, thank you so much for your post. just thinking about peaceful places is helpful right now.

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ShowOfWhizzBangHands · 01/11/2006 10:09

acnebride, I really sympathise. My Dad is bipolar and had some psychotic episodes for years and like your dh was on so many different pills and potions it was exhausting. Looking back there were times when his behaviour was hilarious (throwing cushions out of the window because we didn't need them, ditto throwing half of the cutlery away because it was surplus to requirement and there was lots of hiding behind trees and driving off in the middle of the night). More terrifying is the paranoia. He accused my Mum- his wife of 30 years- of adultery, which was ludicrous. He accused her of siphoning money from his account and all sorts. At his very worst he became convinced that something was living under his skin and he started burning his hands and then cutting the blisters to let it out. At this stage he was hospitalised and this was the turning point. His medication was finally sorted out and he was given a fantastic CPN who made a lot of difference to him and my Mum. He will always be bipolar and he will always have episodes, but slowly we learnt how to manage them and the medication lessened their severity. As you have identified, sleep was always very important and changes dramatically when episodes occur. When he was very bad, sleeping in an afternoon for a couple of hours made a huge difference and went some way to producing some stabilising hormones to get him through the rest of the day. I cannot stress enough how important it is to sort out the medical side of things first, although it sounds like you are trying with little success and to make sure you are getting enough support.

Today my Dad is a highly-functioning bipolar sufferer. Nobody would guess he even has the condition and the biggest change is that he is able to recognise the moods himself and retain some kind of rationality throughout. In fact his moods today differ very little from the average person's moods. It is through getting the right treatment and the right support that this was made possible. I must say though, his personality is very different to his personality pre-diagnosis. This was very hard to deal with, especially of course for my Mum. But, she loves him more than she ever did and although he is a different person, he is a better person.

Keep posting, I hope you can find your way through this speedily.

ShowOfWhizzBangHands · 01/11/2006 10:11

And it's okay to admit that going from wife to carer is terrifying and desperately but it doesn't have to be forever.

I really do hope you can find a way through this

Original poster

acnebrideofFrankenstein · 01/11/2006 10:50

thank you show. i'm going to keep coming back to your post because it's so helpful.

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Judy1234 · 01/11/2006 11:02

My father and brother are psychiatrists. My childhood was littered with cases of patients who came off the medication. It is a very very bad idea. He could do anything if he does, even kill himself. He must get back on it and try something else or a different dose if the side effects were too bad. Can you not go to see his psychiatrist together?

Also if he's going to do stupid things like give all your life savings to a cat's charity for example you need to anticipate those things and protect you and your children now.

Is he signed off work sick?

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