I don't fancy my husband and I don't know what to do.

[WildFlowerWoman]

I've been married to my husband for 20 years (together 27) and although we still love each other, we no longer have an intimate relationship. The main reason being, is because he is useless in bed and I don't want sex with him any more.

Both our children are at university and we are at a stage in life where we should be enjoying spending time together as a couple but we're not.

I am mutually attracted to a guy at work and although I am not going to have an affair with him, he has made realise that something is missing in my life and I'm not sure how much longer I can carry on in a marriage that lacks romance, intimacy...and sex!!

I have thought about counselling but I know I couldn't fancy him in a million years so it's not an option.

I feel sad because I don't want to split up an otherwise happy family, plus my children are still in full time education and I don't want to upset them by getting divorced. What should I do? Any advice please?

Op I have a similar story. My dh let me down for years , I brought my 2 kids up alone for along time as he ploughed money into things, wasted money on material things. He is thankfully over that now. He is a kind caring helpful nice person and he adores all of us. However I have built up resentments against him plus I have the added problem that he has completely let himself go. He is easily 4 stone heavier now than when we married (20 years). He is so unfit , he overeats and I can't bear to watch him. His hygiene is not great , if he's going somewhere he will spruce himself up but would think nothing of looking like a scruff otherwise. I have tried everything to get him to smarten up but I think I am so far gone now that even if he changes I have zero desire for him anymore. Also he smokes and in the early years it never bothered me as much I can't stand it now. The thing is though I care about him , worry about him. We do a good bit together visiting family , trips and holidays with the kids and we get on well, watch tv , chat . We are very good companions. He has very little family and would not have a huge amount of friends so I would feel terrible leaving him and I feel completely stuck. I don't really know what to do. I miss sex and intimacy but I can't bring myself to have it with anymore. We were out one night recently with a friend of his (well I was collecting them, it's his main friend) and I went in for a drink. There was a similar age couple beside us and they were sharing little kisses and laughing away and it was obvious that they were so in love and I just felt I will never have that again.

How will you feel to find out your husband is having sex with others?

You decided to stop having sex with him and you say he used to ask but has now given up - do you think that means he no longer has sex? how would you feel if you discover he goes elsewhere?

would you be furious or relieved - may help you decide what to do.