Found email saying I love you to ow

[Giddyup123]

What do I do? Feel sick, can't eat. Just feel so sad for dc, how do I afford to live ? Advice please

Sorry OP, what a shocking thing for you. Hand holding here.

Can you say a little more?

Not nice, sorry you are experiencing this. What did it say or who from?

I'm sorry you've had such a nasty shock. Have you confronted your partner or are you working up to that?

Thank u. That's it really. Things been bit funny really & now piecing bits together & all makes sense. I know he will come up with some silly excuse.

Haven't confronted yet

Is he your dp or dh?
How long have you been together?
How many dc, and how old?
Do you earn now? If not, do you have a profession you could return to that would pay you a reasonable wage (relative, I know)?

Did you have an inkling about problems, or has this come out of the blue?

So sorry to hear this has happened.

Dp self employed at home. 3 dc between6-12.
Not sure I can pay rent bis etc. house in his name so guessing he can refuse to go??

Sorry that's me self employed not him

Excuses are par for the course, unfortunately. It's difficult to think straight when you've had a shock but do remember that you don't have to do anything in a hurry. You're not the one in the wrong.

Do you think you want to confront him today, or do you want to get organised first?

Do you know her?

He will have to pay you 20pc maintenance

It doesn't necessarily mean your marriage is over.

Have you confronted him?

Are you married? If so you have rights to the marital home. Try not to worry too much right now about the future financially, you have rights and will be eligible for certain benefits, a good solicitor will be able to advise you of these and I'm sure some MNetters will be able to point you in the right direction.

You must be in a state of shock right now, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, take care of yourself and keep posting here. Do you have a good friend you can call? Hugs to you. X

I don't know what to do. Not sure how can do it all??

Take a screen shot of the email if you can.

sorry to read this today. how you feeling now OP? calm and sad or angry?

do you have any qualifications so you could look for other work that paid better than your business from home? remember he will give you maintenance money so you will make ends meet.

thinking of you x

Take a screen shot of email and see A solicitor asap. Get a record of all finances, savings etc. Then when the timing is best for you, kick him to the curb

Not married & rent privately for a ridiculous amount. I work & get well paid for what I do but still not enough. No savings, so overdrawn

Oh god, how awful for you I found the exact same thing about six weeks ago. I kicked 'd'h out and filed for divorce two days later. I couldn't find a way back from it. You will be surprised about the financial support you can get from working tax credits, child tax credits etc. I know exactly how you must be feeling and it's horrific. You have my sympathy. BUT, I am in a much better place now I'm out of such a toxic bloody mess. Life will get much better for you because everything you do on your own is honest and true and not reliant on someone who is emotionally involved with someone else. Please feel free to pm me if you want. I gave myself time to grieve for the relationship I'd longed for, not the one I'd ended up with. I also tell myself every day I wake up that it is far better to know wholeheartedly that you are worth far, far more than some half arsed relationship where the person you are supposed to be the most reliant on, hasn't got the moral fibre to either be truthful, but keeps you thinking there's something just not so and sending yourself insane trying to fix it. Big hugs for you as I know how hard it is xxx

First and foremost, before you confront... is he likely to react badly? Joint accounts? The last thing you want him to do is get angry after an argument over this and clean out your accounts. Any important paperwork somewhere safe? Copy of email made? Protect yourself while you still have the advantage - once he knows you are aware, things will likely move quickly and possibly get chaotic.

Rang friend & cried yest but she doesn't know what's going on. I just feel so embarrassed

Do you have any family/friends who you can speak to who can support you with your next steps, provide somewhere for you to go (if you want to leave)?

Consider getting legal advice or maybe CAB?

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. He, on the other hand, does - he's a nasty cheating toad. And he will likely not want others to know about it. Do NOT keep his dirty little secret. Tell family and friends, so they know and can support you.

Another person who has been there.
Perhaps dig a bit more and make copies of e-mails etc.
This is his fault, you have nothing to be embarrassed of, but I do remember feeling the same.
So so sorry for what you are going through.

I think you have to take this one step at a time rather than racing ahead and imagining a disastrous future straight off. Being unmarried you are at a disadvantage in some respects but, if you've caught him with his trousers round his ankles, it's amazing what a guilty man will do to compensate.