Found email saying I love you to ow

[Giddyup123]

What do I do? Feel sick, can't eat. Just feel so sad for dc, how do I afford to live ? Advice please

I'd bring it out into the open and discuss it with him ASAP. If you can (I know it's very hard), try and remain calm and reasonable. If he feels you are being understanding it will give you good bargaining power and things are less likely to get nasty. You never know, it might be a short term thing and if you've remained civil with him he'll come back to you. Depends if you still want that though.

There is no need to do anything until you are ready. You can do all of this on your own terms. You don't have to make any decisions yet.

There is lots of support here, practical advice and emotional support. But right now we don't know what page you're on, what stage you're at. Keep talking to us if you can.

No more emails ne where. Can't work out phone code although last few months been attached to him constantly.

Ca you find a way back from this or is it over?

Don't know that I can. Really can people do that?? I feel so sick when I think about it

How did you find out?

We had an argument last wk, was horrid. I tried making more of an effort for everything, was all good but something was niggling at me. So I looked on tablet. Also found he had been looking at porn which is something I really can't stand

My advice would be to keep your powder dry for the moment, if you possibly can. While you gather together financial documents and investigate where you will live and how. If you share a join bank account get that emptied and closed asap.

There will be various state benefits available to you. Like housing benefit, working tax credits if you work more than 16 hours a week. Consult the "turn2us" website for a guide according to your circumstances. Don't forget that whatever child maintenance you receive from the children's father is not taken into account.

You're in shock, so try to treat yourself kindly and to make any rash decisions which you can't get back from. Meanwhile, feel free to cut the crotches out of his best suits.

Thanks will look at website now. Do u get tax credits if you are self employed?
That made me chuckle bitter!

You will quite possibly end up better off if you are currently renting an expensive place privately with only your joint incomes and no eligibility.

Investigate your circumstances as advised above. Make sure all financial stuff you share is sorted out BEFORE you confront him - any joint accounts, move money out before you tell him. It's likely you'll be eligible for benefits help with 3 children, and you can take a smaller place. Working tax credits will keep you afloat if you're self employed and not earning much. Oh, and he will have to pay maintenance. One tip I've heard: get hold of his national insurance number before you confront. Easier for CSA apparently.

You really will be ok. No, I couldn't come back from it either. If you are sure of this, it might be easier to make your plans to go, sort finances as much as you can, and then tell him.

Problem is if I go I walk out of my job. As it has to be done in my house, or a house nearby so I can keep business if you see what I mean

Hi Giddy, I am self employed and claim Tax credits I also get HB and Child Tax credits, it all depends on what you earn although there is a website called entitledto.com which will tell you what you can claim.

Problem is if I go I walk out of my job. As it has to be done in my house, or a house nearby so I can keep business if you see what I mean Then he will have to go.

Talk to your local council about housing options. As you are working and with children they may be able to put you in touch with HAs or may have rent support schemes such as providing a deposit for you.

I've no practical advice love but will hand hold and hope that you can get through this. Mx

Last wk when we argued I suggested he moved out, he said he was staying put as can't afford to move out

Yes, but last week you hadn't discovered OW. He cannot stay put. He cannot inflict himself on your household, surely, once this is out in the open.

Perhaps OW could put him up

Do you know OW? Or how they met etc?
Sorry you are going through this.

Don't care where he goes. Just need him out

Have you spoken to him giddy?

I would keep quiet and gather more information before you confront. Stb exdh talked his way out of his first affair. Two years later he was at it again. This time I gathered what I needed to and our marriage is now over.

Stay strong and get sorted what you need for you and the DC's. Then confront when he has to give you an idea of the truth; don't bother hoping for all of it because you will never get it.

Good luck.

He said he can't afford to move out. I would assume then he also can't afford to stay there without you there. So he was basing his refusal to move out before on his options being leave or stay with you. When you're sorted you need to make it clear those aren't his options (unless that's what you want), his options are leave or you will and given this is his fuck up why should you?

So sorry you're going through this. Another person who's 'been there'. I found the email to OW whilst I was in hospital being induced with our child. Nice timing...!

I couldn't forgive and forget. It ate me up inside - I finally left him because of it when DD was 6 months old. I couldn't continue to live with him. Leaving him though meant that I made myself homeless and unemployed, because I moved back to my home city which was too far to commute to work.
But I survived. I now have a job, a home and my DD is now a lovely 4 year old who is not being brought up in a toxic home environment. And I have peace of mind and am no longer an angry, bitter, insecure woman.

Only you can decide if this is something you can move on from as a couple. If he's telling another woman that he loves her then I think you need to be asking him some very serious questions.

I wish you the best of luck.