How do alpha female types end up with everything revolving around them?

[AlessandraLuna]

I know a couple of these types and to be honest I find it quite baffling as to how they manage to get most people running around after them and sucking up to them. This type of person never seems to be a nice, decent, caring person either, and instead is self absorbed, bossy and bitchy.

I have currently started a new job and the office Queen Bee is part time. When she is there, it is as if most colleagues think to themselves that the Queen is there and how can they best serve her, and everyone is running around catering to her every whim and hanging on her every word. When she is not there they all moan about her but when she is at work no one dares to upset her.

There is also an alpha female mum from my DS's school year; she too is not a nice person and people moan about her but she is treated like royalty and no one would ever dare upset her.

How do this type of people get away with it? I have noticed that they only associate with people that basically kiss their arses, and then move onto new arse kissers after a while. I wonder if they just give off vibes that they are more important than everyone else?

Please share your stories and insight about your experiences.

Are you writing an article ?

It's not something I've encountered since I left school, thankfully, but I absolutely believe what you say. It's fascinating.

No not writing an article. Sorry if it sounded as though I was.

I have not witnessed that either.

I do know people who only associate with doormats they can wipe their feet on, however, that's not being treated like royalty is it? It's just being a sad twat who can't cope with normal people.

Maybe they are natural leaders...

Well, I see a lot of this at the school gate and at work when I worked in an agency.

At school, it's definitely the wealthy women who have the honey bee appeal.

I guess there are those who just have a lot of charisma.

I wouldn't let it worry you though.

I know someone like this and I think its because she genuinely doesnt consider the possibility that anyone would see the world differently to how she sees it. That no one could possibly not agree with her, not want to do what she wants to do or wants them to do.

Its a kind of charisma. That level of self assurance and confidence can just sweep you along and before you know where you are you are providing free childcare for someone who wouldnt piss on you if you were on fire. You see it on here all the time, someone who is pissed off at being used but doesnt want to say anything for fear of being ostracised by the "in" crowd.

I was thinking about someone like this, although I think people are too afraid to complain!! She became deputy chair of an important committee and chair of other committees & runs own business, etc. She does get things done. She also rides roughshod over anyone in her way and simply ignores anybody saying stuff she doesn't like. Also ignores anybody she doesn't respect even if what they are saying is obviously very useful and worth knowing about. It's like her ears only prick up for people she recognises as worthy. I know people who seem perfectly decent & pleasant who really like Mrs. Roughshod and seek out her company. I am utterly baffled how anyone can stand her.

I work with someone like this. She is utterly bewildered and furious if anyone challenges her or doesn't do things exactly as she wants. It's incomprehensible to her

1. have an imperial manner

2. expect everyone to do it your way

3. make life unpleasant for people who cross you

4. really make life unpleasant for one or two people who annoy you and let everyone else see how upset they are. Just as an object lesson. Just so's they know what might happen to them if they cross her.

5. charm the useful / important people.

Mix of charm and intimidation can get you a long long way

Not all women are nice.
I don't know what is the surprise.

Just read the thread where everyone's piling in on Kate Middleton to realise many women are complete bitches.

I work with someone like this. She has a lot of our colleagues wrapped around her little finger. It's like a little clique that she's the head of. She's reasonably nice to my face but I do worry about what she's says behind my back, I have seen her bitch about other people.

I find your post highly disturbing op. Why is it about females? Particularly a female who works part time?

If she were a full time man she would probably be a director

I never see this, at the school gates or anywhere else

That's not to say it doesn't go on. I have a couple of friends who say they are a bit intimidated by two women in particular who live nearby. I was amazed when they told me, these are 40 something grown women, and they are confident and full of joi de vivre most of the time, but they are intimidated by a couple of women who also seem confident and self assured. Very odd. Bit school playground, never mind school gates.

Or maybe I'm just massively insensitive. Or worse still, an alpha woman And therefore above it all ..... Guffaw.

I also can't say I relate to this too much, certainly at work we have no such Queen Bee's, uniformly and depressingly all the alpha people who get sucked up to are middle-aged and older white men and I can't quite believe the allowances that are made for them and their temper-tantrums. They also control things by being grumpy, not very nice, so everyone dreads asking them to do anything- handy, eh?

At the school gates, there may be one, but I haven't noticed this, lots of nice fairly assertive women, happy if their children make friends.

I can be a little bit dominating myself at times, or rather I'm assertive and quite confident, but I'm very nice and am never mean to people as a life strategy!

Are you just unlucky?

I totally understand what you are saying. We have one at work who happens to be our supervisor (she wasn't for a long time that I was working here but she got this job last year) Her bossiness and organisation make her good at being a supervisornin practical way but she is one of the biggest bi**s I have ever met. Always whispering with someone, always has her little clique hovering around her like flys around crap. God help if you ever cross her. Obviously I have to get on with her as she is my supervisor but I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. I too don't know why so many people fawn over her and they moan about her too when she is not around. Her clique do not get tellings off but others do! If you've never met someone like this then you won't understand it.

Supervisor in a* I meant arrghhh!

I wish we had a queen bee on MN own up to being one in real life, just to give us their perspective

The gossipy bitchy part isn't part of my picture, it's the fawning minions that I recognised. Not witchcraft. I suppose men who display the same traits are called arrogant sods. Male or female, it's a leadership style which compels alienation and makes good people quit the group. I can think of (male and) female leaders who protect relationships & listen & fight the corner for their staff. They have their maddening demands and won't hesitate to bollock the deserving, but on balance if you're doing your best, they make you feel part of the team. Those aren't the types of Queen Bees I think OP meant.

I hate to say it, but I think being smartly dressed and tall (male or female) is a common feature of those who get away with treating others like dirt. Plus sporty prowness or "manly interests" among men. Human beings really are that shallow.

I met someone like this recently. I was aghast and kind of momentarily but in a pointed way gawped at her and the people fawning all around her.

I met her in a knitting group! Yes, she is tall, blond, well-preserved for someone her age. She held her head high and looked off into the middle distance like a queen, while the other women practically bowed and ducked all around her. I kid you not, the body language was marked.

So I ignored her completely, as if she wasn't there. Not nastily, just as if she was just one member of the group I hadn't got around to meeting yet. I saw her again a few weeks later and she fawned all over me 'yes! we met! you remember, the knitting group!' To my shame I pretended I couldn't remember - which was half genuine because I intially didn't remember who she was.

I've NC for this but here goes!

I'm what you would call a Queen Bee. I'm tall, slim, blonde and well off. I am confident and smiley. I chat to everyone . I'm kind and generous and will do anything for a friend. I don't moan, whine or be negative.
I try to get on with everyone and as such I am always invited to everything that goes on in the small town we live in. Everyone knows me.
I'm sure , after reading this, there are some people who dislike me just because.
You get back what you give out. If you are a happy, confident good friend always pleased to see people and make them feel important you will be liked. If you're a miserable fucker and lonely you need to take a look.

No Queen. You are not an alpha female the op is talking about. At all.

The people ones she is talking about are only interested in influence, control and negative feelings.