Your most trivial 'dealbreaker'... (lighthearted)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It's Friday, I read this article... Groom Dumped Over Failed Maths Test ... and wondered what relatively trivial failing in someone meant they didn't get that second or third date.

Mine was that he collected ornamental boxes and lined them up on his coffee table set-square perfect.

trevortrevorslattery Marriage material surely?!!

While kissing (a vicar's son, no less), he murmured "You should be arrested by the big breasted police for crimes against sexiness." How I didn't laugh hysterically I have no idea, but he had to go. I told one of my best friends as she knows the guy, and occasionally she will still crack me up on nights out by saying that!!

Also, a friend was on a date with a guy who was disgusted that she ordered a glass of white wine, and then ordered red meat. Unsurprisingly, he did not get date #2!

However my favourite story is that I went on a date in my first term of Uni with a postgrad, oh the excitement! We went to the cinema, for a drink, and then back to his... where he proceeded to tell me ALL about the work he'd done for a branch of the government in his year out. I made the mistake of expressing interest, and he got out manilla files full of documents to show me (nothing interesting - I can't even remember what they were now!). Half an hour later he asked if he could take off my bra, I politely declined.

Fit as fuck
Sexy as hell
Good looking
Witty and brilliantly dry sense of humour
Badly educated but very well read (my personal weakness)
All same interests as me: Art, Film, Football, Food
Brilliant at flirting - one word could reduce me to pulp
Amazing cook

PERFECT YES?

Nope. And why? Two reasons:

1. Gold initial ring on his little finger
2. Jaw clicked when he ate

Couldn't get passed them.

A FB I was seeing used to giggle after everything he said and the worst moment was during DTD he proclaimed with such excitement "Oooh someone's feeling a bit fruity for me today aren't they" giggle giggle. Bye bye

wickedwitch he also had velour slippers which he wore at home, but it was the T-shirt which really tipped me over the edge!

Bloke 1. He referred to himself in the third person all the time.

Bloke 2. I got as far as lying on the bed kissing him, then I noticed he had really long, skinny feet. Not just a bit long and skinny, but like those long shoes that clowns wear. Couldn't carry on.

Bloke 3. He was into unspecified spiritualism, which he claimed to be Buddhism, but was really just a load of nonsense taken from various different religions and spiritualist teachers. The knobby thing that he did that was the straw that broke the camel's back (because there were a lot of knobby things) was a ritual he had of 'standing still' when he woke up every morning. This involved Standing at the foot of the bed squatting down in a 'doing a poo' position, staring past me with his eyes wide open and humming the same note for 15 minutes.

Blind date a friend brought along so we'd be 2 couples. He had the same old fashioned and odd name as my grandpa. The kind of name people take the piss out of. But to me that was my grandpa's name. I couldn't get past it.

These are hilarious.
I have had a few corkers too - one that springs to mind is one guy who when we got talking about our families said he had had a one night stand with my cousin. Then he admitted he was married at the time.
THEN he said "well she was a bit slutty, not as nice as you. At least I'm keeping it in the family eh!!!
I made this face and I ran!!!

Not strictly a deal breaker but certainly a passion killer... Getting busy with a casual BF/FB, casting a glance at the bedside table and seeing the plate of post-shag buttered Soreen he had carefully prepared :o

Halfway through sex he took a huge gulp of water from a glass on bedside table, spat it at me and slapped, my wet flesh!!

I weighed 8 stone and he was a western samoan professional rugby player. Well it was like the human cannon ball at the circus.

Sad because he was stunning and rather well endowed. Just wasn't into being spat at and slapped.

Was out with a friend one night and we bumped into a man she knew who she'd shagged a few times and he thought he would try his luck with her again. His chat up line? 'I fancy a hole for the night' needless to say he didn't get anywhere with her again.

We did actually leave the club at the same time as him and walked back the same way and he got his incredibly small cock out to have a piss and preceded to piss all over his trousers as well.

Mine aren't that funny. One bloke couldn't string two words together, practically everything you said to him/asked him about resulted in a one word answer so a conversation wasn't an option.

The other one showed me this injury he had on his leg from years before, it looked like a sausage had been attached to his shin. He informed me he'd got it from being knived in a fight he got into. It wasn't a selling point.

I should of and didn't dump someone for telling me that he missed my tits when we met up after he'd been away. It would have been nice if he had missed me!

This thread is brilliant btw.

Houseatreides. That would be excellent forward planning in my book.

These are all different people:

1. I forgave him for sleeping with someone else but dumped him for being a rubbish dancer

1. Beautiful face, beautiful hair, beautiful body, French accent that made me go weak at the knees... had a funny, warty mole on his head that was hidden by his hair most of the time.

1. Sweated into my eye during sex

Bad dresser.

Wanting me to reciprocate every single compliment he ever agev to me.

Isn't is funny how time changes you. I would not have looked at DH twenty years ago.

Small hands
Bad dress sense
Total geek
Terrible shoes
Turned up unannounced at work after our second date to say hi and meet my colleagues.

Turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him more each day. He has no ego. Just radiates love and gives a great hug.

I have nodded in agreement at a lot of this thread. Yep. I dated some good looking wankers and weirdos.

The public schoolboys
The professional types
Stockbrokers
Builders

etc etc

One guy invited me along to a dinner party his friends were giving.

He didn't like the food they served and went out and bought himself a Chinese take away and gnawed on ribs and scoffed Chow Mein while we ate in buttock clenching silence.

He was sooo good looking though

Love the post-shag malt loaf

Mine was my one and only online dating experience. He looked nothing like his profile picture, which was taken in profile and he turned out to have an enormous moon-like face. Okay, not his fault. Wore tight white t-shirt which did not hide the fact that he was covered in what was essentially a yeti suit.

The above sounds rather shallow, but he got absolutely trollied, proceeded to tell me about his drug/alcohol/mother issues, tried to snog me and then wanted to go somewhere alone with me, which I refused to do. Called me on the way home with some incomprehensible nonsense, then called then next day from landline to say he'd lost his mobile (thank God, I thought!). I ended up telling him I didn't think we should see each other again and he wrote what bordered on being an essay to me about the whole experience, which I only skim read before deleting my profile.

Bloke 1: considerably older than me (I was 18 to his grey-haired 34 and at the time I looked much younger still). Rather than being embarrassed at the very apparent gap, he used to pay half-fare for me on public transport in Dublin. If a barman refused to serve me alcohol as the age in some pubs was 21, he would gleefully make me hunch over one coke all night while he downed pints rather than go somewhere where I would get served.
Bloke 2: Moroccan and incredibly sexist. The many, many, serious points against him would fill pages. Finally dumped him because of a row over a Phil Collins song (he liked it, I didn't)

This should be in classics

Mine is many, many years ago when I was a student. Gorgeously good looking, Australian surfer dude, black floppy hair. Sad backstory (awful to say but I can't actually remember it, I was always a sucker for cute boys with difficult pasts). Accent just like he was off Neighbours . . .

I could have coped if he'd been cute Australian surfer type, would have been totally into him if he'd been cute English guy with sad backstory. The two together didn't compute. I am less shallow now, I hope

First date. He approached me from behind at the bar and said 'do you want to put that down and come with me, young lady?' I'm sure he thought he was being dominant or something but the truth was I'd rather have been watching Eastenders so I declined his kind offer.

DH has it right 'you choose darling' ????

First (and only date) with one guy who smacked my hand away from my mouth when I was biting my nails. A little too controlling for my liking.

"A psychiatrist once wrote a paper on how there's something innately wrong with people who don't like cats."

I think it's something to do with cats apparently walking the line between our world and the spirit world, so if you don't like cats then you must be an evil monster that casts no reflection or something.

Another one from all those years ago ...

This fool obviously felt the "thing to do" was look into a girl's eyes. Trouble is that's all he did - staring and staring all night, with a big moony expression and almost no conversation. I escaped to the loo for a bit and returned to find him still staring at a point just ahead, presumably so he didn't lose the knack while I was away

About the only info he offered about himself was that he was a student ... I still wonder if it was in ophthalmology

#1 The guy who obviously didn't want 'straightforward' sex but his wording was "Just let me slip it in your botty"! Errrr, nope! The mixture of the notion of the act mixed with the babyish words had me running for the door!

#2 The guy who turned up for an evening date, at a restaurant, in dirty trainers and camo shorts?!

#3 The guy who messaged me on a dating site, who, when I said I wouldn't come to his house for our first 'date', was put out when I wouldn't meet him in the local, wooden bus shelter either?!

#4 The guy who I'd dated once and wasn't really sure I wanted to date again but couldn't think of a good reason to say 'no' who went on a luxury holiday the day after our date - and spent most of his 10 holiday trying to ring me! When I deigned to answer, he DEMANDED to know why I hadn't answered before, WHERE had I been and did I know how bad the internet connection was from his luxury island!?

#5 The guy who had a grilled cheese sandwich on our first date. A bit of stringy cheese ended up in a sort of odd exclamation mark on his copious beard. I couldn't take my eyes of it! Fixated I was! And, no, reader, I did NOT kiss him goodbye!

#6 The ex Grenadier guard (they march really fast!) who suggested a stroll after our meal. He actually 'marched' me round the town! I have pretty long legs but still ended up doing a sort of ungainly running, skipping gait! Got a bloody stitch, too!!

I am still single. My friends say I'm too picky. I disagree!!

We went out for drinks and had a nice time, then had some food at his place. Then after that we were cuddling on the sofa and every time he moved he'd rip out a gigantic great fart. He looked really embarrassed but just kept doing it. I left.

"Just let me slip it in your botty"

The most shocking thing about that is that he used the word "botty".