Where can I 'adopt' a Mum at 36?

[MummyBtothree]

To cut a long story short when decent mothers were dished out I wasnt at the front of the queue. I was born to a narcissist. Im 36 and married with three sons and looking for a mother figure. I live in the deby area. I know there's women out there of a certain age who couldnt have children and I want to 'adopt' a mum. Has anyone got any ideas how?. Im NOT in it for babysitting services or financial gain etc. Just crave having a mum.

Me too! Me and my sister were just saying this the other day!

Know how you feel have you thought about offering help with a charity they often have older people who would like a friend to drop in. I met a similar lady through doing a couple of hours cleaning and she was lovely where my mother was a wipe out!

There must be somewhere surely? glad im not the only one

I take my kids to village coffee mornings at the church. It's awash with older mumsy types and there is always great cake!!

I know there's women out there of a certain age who couldnt have children and I want to 'adopt' a mum

A likely source would be women in male dominated professions where it remains the case that the most successful tend to be childless - not all obviously - but the majority. And not necessarily through conscious choice but that's how it ended up. So things like - cardiology, surgery, barristers, judges that type of thing.

No idea how you'd meet them though. Utterly random but you could try an advert in a relevant place. Might make for an entertaining story.

Generally senior women networking events might be a source.

Have you tried Gransnet?

bless you OP!

I'm not old enough, but I gotta say I think I can get where you are coming from?

Move "mum" to "supportive female company" and I was craving this for sure a few years ago. narcissist mother who was dominated by/chose to be dominated by my abusive father.

I found just getting out there and socialising more really helped? So gravitating towards supportive male and female friends (some older than me) really worked.

like cheersmedea says, some older women who got through the first stages of the "women in the workplace" revolution are really cool people to get along with and i've met a couple who enjoy the whole "i've done well for myself, i want to pass along my knowledge to younger women" thing.

I'd be a bit wary of anyone who was "too" interested in taking you over straight away if that makes sense as they could be toxic? I found occasionally in the past I gravitated towards female "friends" who may have been "motherly" but were also domineering and controlling and using me.

just get to know people like normal. and spend more time on MN of course

(I think this could be a great MN thread by the way, like blind dating for emotional mentors? )

Thanks ladies for all your support. I guess its because its getting near mothers day, it always stirs up mixed up emotions. Im mummy to three beautiful sons and for that I am truely blessed and grateful. There's always someone worse off than ourselves I guess xx

I want one too! I've kind of adopted my mil but that's not the same

My mother in law is nearly 80 bless her now :(

Hi op.
Visit this place- www.mickleovercommunitycentre.co.uk it is crawling with ladies who love children! Loads going on!! Great cake too.

OP I could have written that exactly. Mothers Day is hard but I focus on my dd and ds. Would love a mother figure in my life.

I need a dad - all recommendations welcome.

I totally get this, completely. (And my boss is a childless lawyer who I followed from the firm she trained me at to our current one so I have more than my share of issues ) however I think it would be better to address yours, OP, than find a substitute mother. I think it is an attachment disorder and learning to self soothe and accept yourself is much more important than trying to find a mum to replace yours. You will always be chasing that as you will never find someone with whom you truly share that bond.

Aww, poor you OP I agree with lots of the ideas on here. Luckily I didn't need to adopt a mum but I managed to adopt a dad after I moved into an upstairs flat and the man downstairs was so kind. Sometimes you just get lucky and meet someone you just really get along with. Fingers crossed for you.

Big paws, I don't necessarily agree with your post. It is normal to attach to others and to desire to do so. It is good to find someone safe to attach to. I don't think the poster is wrong at all.

I did it. I attached to the landlady where I rented a bedroom for six years. They re my surrogate parents and it has done absolutely loads for me, in terms of being loved, being part of a family, having that older woman to be like. It's been twenty years now.

In turn I now want to be someone surrogate mum myself. I would like a twenty or so year old, either gender. I live in Surrey. I can offer friendship, Sunday roasts, birthday and Christmas plans and presents, late night lifts, cuddles for tears nd the benefit of experience for anyone who might want someone to cling to.

X

This post mad me all teary. Mothersday is damn hard when your own mother is nothing like the warm, loving kind one "everyone" seem to have.

I would love one too!

I have a lovely mum but have also been adopted by a local lady whose children all live far away. I met her when volunteering at a local church fundraising event - except for me and my friend it was all older ladies who volunteered and me and this lady just clicked. I am heavily pg at the moment and she came over last week with cake and some plants for my garden, then entertained my toddler for an hour

Hi, I’m not that much different in age from you, I also wish that I had a mother figure as my mum is a narc but I wouldn’t mind adopting a sister :)

Hello. Did you ever find anyone? I was googling this topic and your post came up!

There's a great idea here for a service like bumble.....mumble.

I think you need to do it for yourself. You're an adult.

ETA: just saw it’s a resurrected zombie post. Hope you found someone OP.

They don’t need to be childless. I’ve adopted an extra adult. He lives with us, is very much part of our family and is like an extra son to me. We are often mistaken for mother & son.

My mum became very close to a neighbour who had limited family & they very much had a mother/daughter relationship. In fact I used to call her Granny.

I’m not sure any of this can be forced though. In both cases a close friendship came first. In both cases there was something about that inter generational friendship that developed. I think in my mum’s case she filled the caring daughter role as that was the gap - and my mum became POA/next of kin/looked after her when she became elderly/nursed her at home in her final illness. But she was treated a family for years before. She’s in every Christmas dinner photo throughout my later childhood, teen years and into adulthood. Sat next to my aunts & grandparents. I used to go and have a cup of tea with her after school throughout sixth form.

In my case the gap is the mum gap and that’s what has developed. It is recognised by us, my family, his friends and more formally when he had medical treatment (I was the next of kin/point of contact).

it is very rewarding for everyone to collect extra family members :lol:- especially when life can make it really hard to make new friendships - but I’m not sure what it would be like to have to look for them if that makes sense. In both cases we weren’t looking for anyone - it was just something that developed naturally from a close friendship & connection & it’s that that makes it authentic.

Good luck though - I hope you find someone.