why cant i get him out of my head!

[hidethemirrortoday]

5 weeks now since we split and he is always in my thoughts. How can I stop this? I have a busy life but find myself thinking of him all the time.
He is desperate to have me back and hasnt moved on so dont know if its that

2 things really

1. Time, what everyone says is true

1. If you know he wants you back you are still in contact and that will also be a reason. Limit your contact if you aren't already. That will help

how long does it usually take before life seems normal again?

about a year - well it was for me - just go NC, your apart for a reason x and hugs

It took me around 3 months.

The key was no contact.

It gave me time to find me again. Time to breathe, time to be angry, time to let my feelings go.

No it isn't easy. But yes, it's so very worth it when it happens.

Taking the time to give something to other people (who have given their time to me during the hell that has been) has also been a big factor in life seeming normal again.

No contact really is the key. If you have kids together and need to maintain some form of contact keep it limited and about the children only. Be firm with this.

Other than that, time. It will get easier

How long to get back to normal - I think it totally depends on your situation.

I have heard before someone saying as a rule of thumb, the length of your relationship in years, x2 in months. So if you were married for 10 years, you could expect it to be 20 months before you felt really that you'd moved on.

People are different though. It takes me longer. When I split with my H we'd been together for 6 years but it took me way longer than 12 months to feel ready to move on. It was more like 2.5 years. I don't mean I was crying and moping for all that time - I left him and I was relieved to be out of the marriage - but it was that length of time before I felt ready to think about dating again.

Same with my last ex - we were together about four years. We broke up two years ago and I'm not even thinking about dating again. Again I'm not moping and I'd finished being angry by about 6 months in.

So, give it time. You will get through this. Just take it one day at a time and stay true to yourself. Enjoy doing the things you haven't done while you've been coupled up, like watching shit TV or weepy films.

thanks for the replies we were together 30+ years so I suppose I am bound to think about him a lot.
I just feel strange at the moment, generally happy but life doesnt feel normal

Don't be so hard on yourself. 5 weeks is nothing after 30+ years. Take each day as it comes for the next while and be kind to yourself

Do you want him back?

After 30 years I think you need to accept that you'll always have thoughts of him. Some will be memories and some will be habit. The thoughts will just become fewer and more far between.

Wildflower I love the man he was when we were very young but he went away about 7 yrs ago the man he changed into I really hate with a a passion
Vivacia I think thats it I am used to looking after his needs

Thanks Dont kill x

It's only been five weeks, just give it time and the pain will heal.

NC is the key - but 30 years is a hec of a long time

Keep strong & busy - NC & time is the only way