I don't think I can do this

[turquoiseamethyst]

I can't help but doubt myself.

I just don't want to be here. I've got two children and one on the way. I can't do a thing with my 8 year old at the moment and my daughter (1 next month) wails incessantly. It drives me crazy.

I can't do a thing because I've always got the children. I'm not even particularly good at motherhood. I can't work or even go anywhere, do my own thing.

Every day I'm relieved it's over only to have to start the whole façade again the next day.

I am so very unhappy and I've no way out.

Please go to see your GP. It is possible that you have PND or Pre-ND. Do you have anyone in RL that could lighten the load occasionally? Don't be too hard on yourself, you have a lot going on.

Thank you

I don't think I'm depressed, exactly. I just don't see any joy or happiness ahead. I'm lonely; no one to lighten the load, I just don't see it changing.

Those things you say

"I just don't see any joy or happiness ahead. I'm lonely; no one to lighten the load, I just don't see it changing"

That is depression.

I suffered badly from antenatal depression, those early years are relentless and grinding. A 7 year age gap can be very difficult as well.

Firstly, I'm sorry to feel this way. You're obviously very tired, with young children and early stage pregnancy.

You may well have PND, or you may just be exhausted.

Tell us about your situation, is your OH around to help, friends, family? Anyone close by who can offer a hand.

Was the baby planned, are you feeling overwhelmed because you had not anticipated another baby so soon? Maybe this is causing you more anguish.

Can your OH help out in the evening or weekends?

X

Is there no one to give you a break? Even put your 1 yr old to crèche for a couple of hours?

I agree with the advice to see your GP, please, please book an appointment. There is no need to feel this way.

When we are depressed we don't have the reserves to spot opportunities or make changes. Get help with your mental health and remember that things will improve.

No. I had to ask my husband to leave. I sort of know it was the right thing but I keep questioning myself.

It's pointless going to my GP; i'd get asked questions I don't want to answer and given Ads I won't take when pregnant. And I can't get counselling as no one can have the baby.

What options do you have?

• Try going to the doctor and ask for counselling.
• Go private for counselling.
• Start reaching out to people and build a support network.

So on top of all this, you have recently split with your OH. Major stressful situations and you need help. Please get help, don't put yourself through this, be kind to yourself.

You are worried about your baby and ADs, what a lovely mum you are. But your doctor would not give you anything that would harm your baby.

Please go, the doctor may also be able to tell some p,aces you can go to socialise with other mums and get some support.

You should utterly exhausted and down, please be kind to yourself.

Would your OH take the children at the weekend for a few hours as his access, or is this not something you want?

x

Wow, you do have a lot going on right now. You have a typical 8 year old that is learning independence and probably found sarcasm, a 1year old toddler that is strengthening her vocal cord, pregnant and have asked your husband to leave. That's enough to cause any normal person to break.

Start with one point and try talking it out on here if you dont have anyone in RL to talk to.

How is your pregnancy going? How far along are you? Does your husband take the kids any to give you a break? How can we help you?

As pp have said you really do need to see the gp and check for depression. Sorry you are going through so much. It will get better, it will take time, but will get better.

He can't have the children, it isn't safe.

I don't want to ask for counselling: I have no one to have the 1 year old. So there's no point. Thanks tnkubh for understanding and letting me rage. I just feel so exhausted and defeated.

Firstly, use MN to try to feel less lonely. Not just for getting support on threads like this but think back to what used to interest you before your DCs came along and there's probably a section on here devoted to it. Chatting with like-minded people even just on the net can help to alleviate loneliness.

You do sound depressed and it's no wonder with everything that's happened. Counselling could be a good release for you. If you can't get anyone to watch the baby to let you go to counselling then Relate offer online counselling by email and by instant chat/messenger.

Could you ask your midwife/HV if there's any support groups available? Motherhood is daunting at the best of times and a local group can be a great help even if it's just to have a place where you can chat with other mums about how blooming difficult and tedious it can be. Gingerbread also have local network groups. Their website is here Gingerbread

Just one thing that might be helpful, when I left my ex I had counselling through Relate which was at a heavily cut rate because I was on income support. I used to take my 1yo and she'd play etc, they had toys, I think they were used to people in that sort of situation. Could be worth an investigate.

I hope some other people come along with good advice soon OP. I really feel for you. I'm PG with number 2 and alone and know I find it tough & am in a lucky position. It must be really hard.

Rant away OP

Thanks, I just feel like I must be a really awful ugly person for dH to have been so cruel. I know logically it's a reflection on him not me but it feels rubbish

Well, we don't know what your husband has done.

does it matter? genuine question.

I think it matters if you want advice that takes it in to account.

I don't think I do ... I am confused, sorry :)

What about your local sure start centre? Lots of mums and babies there to chat with.

Have you considered going back to college to retrain in a career you always wanted to do?

I'm sure they offer free childcare or heavily subsidise it?

Does your ex pay maintenance? If so can you afford to send the one year old to a CM for a few hours per week? It doesn't cost too much but that depends where you are in the country.

How long until baby no3 arrives?

She's due end of July :)

he does pay maintenance yes ... I guess there are things I could do. I can't think of a career and I need to, long term. i'm not sure I could go to college, though.

I find it so hard at mum and baby groups. I really struggle to know what to say to people.

I would advise you NC then OP because its pretty easy to find your other posts
I hope you can find some help and support from a friend in RL, and someone to help you with occasional childcare - think you need a break from it.

manic, I don't understand ... sorry? namechange because - why?

At the mother and toddler groups just tell yourself your going along for your babies sake. You say she is annoying you at the moment, I wonder if she's getting bored?

Once at the group, you don't even have to speak to anyone just smile at people. If you want to chat you just say 'aww she's cute, how old is she' that sort of thing. Mothers love chatting about their children!

College is full of older people, not just young people, so try not to rule it out!

Imagine how nice it would be if you sent your 1 yr old to a CM say 9 - 3 one day each week.....pure bliss. Your other dd will be at school you can laze on the sofa and watch rubbish tv!

I do think you have to start planning for the future. You will find it very daunting if you are staying home all the time with a one year old and eight year old!

That would drive most of us nuts! You need to try and forge a new routine for yourself that involves getting out of the house a few times each week.

You're right, I know ... I don't think I could manage college but I do need to make more of an effort. I've been a bit numb for a while.