advice required please regarding guy im seeing and his ex.

[dippyd123]

Hello. Im not very experienced in writing on forums but enjoy reading through certain topics from time to time so know how work but please bare with me at replying etc.

Where to start well im a single mum and have been on my own just over 5 years had bfs in between but nothing serious. For around 6 months there has been a strong mutual attraction between myself and a this guy hes a work mate of my close friends husband. I have been fully aware since meeting him he was in a complicated relationship they had been living apart for over a year and stay together weekends only. On our second meeting we had a brief moment where we nearly kissed having had a few drinks but we both kind of backed away at same time since then ive seen him a number of times on nights out and bumped into him in asda when he was with his family AWKWARD!!

In February I recieved a txt off him got my number off friend we txt for about 2 weeks and met up alone had a really nice night few drinks and we talked for hours nothing happened but he made it clear he wanted more I did too but I made it clear he had to be unattached for anything to happen. 2 days later he finished properly with her. We have met up a number of times since but nothing happened sexually until last week.

I have today recieved quite a nasty fb mesage off the ex, We are not public in seeing each other I dont know her from adam he swears hes not told her who I am which only leaves our mutual friends but I cant see it. Anyway shes branded me a slag and an home wrecker and she hopes I get a taste of my own medicine and she sounded exactly like hes discribed her as she sounds quite eratic . I have replied and been as nice as I can I didnt know what else to do. Im not saying its true love or anything but I really do like this guy and ive just told him I want to calm things and to get back intouch when hes squared things with her properly. I actually am gutted was really looking forward to our date tomorrow night :(

Thanks for reading any advice welcome x

Sorry dippy did you not know the mn script ? Unless you potential partner is a complete parigon of virtue who is nothing but eternally supportive of your every waking thought, has been single for five years (yet had previous relationships or that to would be a red flag )parents his children 50/50 with an ex wife that he admires and respects and NEVER says a bad word against, but doesn't fancy . Then I am afraid you MUST be walking into a potentially abusive situation.... back in the real world some of us met our dh when they were married to other people, they made the choice to leave because they weren't happy. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Been good for 26.Yes so far but there's time yet . ...

Lol patchwork. I see your points.

MN advice is always to end one relationship before starting another. But ideally end one relationship, sit at home alone for no reason while your new love is gagging to see you, keep that up for a year or so, then maybe consider meeting up. All the while maintaining excellent relations with your ex but butting the hell out should she start having her own private life, because that is none of your business.

Hope the date goes well tonight, OP! X

Yes, the terrible MN script - "why not wait for an actually nice man and not a wanker?"

Woeful advice when you might end up being (gasp) single, rather than dating an obvious player.

I don't think you've done anything wrong either OP but my goodness I feel desperately sorry for his DP.

She probably knew that things weren't great but loved him and hoped, with effort, things would come good in the end.

She probably prayed that he wouldn't meet someone who would remove him emotionally from the relationship and make him unavailable to her.

She may have cried herself to sleep after spending a day doing the demeaning 'choose me' dance.

I hope things work out for you both but please show this woman some compassion. How much pain she must've been in when she messaged you. Please try to make things easier for her, not harder, and encourage him to do that too.

Hi date went great thanks for asking went to Frankie and bennys then few drinks was nice.

Not a problem with been single been single most of 5 years with a few none serious relationships inbetween.

Maybe seeing him tonight at our mutual friends house depending on my kids not sure if they are wanting stay at dads an extra night

I know i have no intention of deliberately hurting her anymore. Thanks for words xx

You are not deliberately hurting her. You are considering entering into a relationship with a guy you like. Which is hurtful to her, because she maybe still loves him, or if not that at least still feels involved with him.
But you can't run your entire life in an effort to not hurt others, sadly. If you really like him, and (as far as you can) trust him, then absolutely go for it, IMHO. But I do think you may have to be open to her involvement in your life, for some time to come. This is possibly not the Worst Thing.

This is excatly how my ex left me he told ow that we were over years before we was.
When I found out about it I messaged her and he had said that I was a crazy ex who always put him down and would stop him seeing his kids none of which Is true we were still living together and quite happy so I thought needless to say the next day he came and collected his stuff and walked out of mine and dcs lives without so much as an apology and from that day to this he has been a class a c**t.
So perhaps give her a break its hard losing your family maybe you should take a step back and leave them to it.

Sorry posted to soon..
Until you are sure that they are over and you both know it's for reAl as there are dcs on both sides to consider.

Again thank you for new replys not had chance to get on been a lovely weekend with one thing and another.

Saturday we were at our mutual friends and think she hadbeen drinking kept txting and been abusive down phone to him. Apparently appologised yesterday for it and has invited him round tomorrow to sort access to kids out.

Abusive? Or telling him what she really thinks of him given what he's done to her and his kids? You seem keen for her to be a nutter as this would suit you better.

Yes abusive. Swearing and personal insults said us fat tw*ts are welcome to each other! Im not making her out to be a nutter ive been there with drunken phone calls to exs I understand more about how she feels more than she might think

So you think he's been completely fair?. Do you think you have the truth in what has happened? You do realise guys call their mates 'good guys' even if they are cheating twats sometimes. I'd be taking it all with a pinch of salt if I were u. On the abusive message front tho, she will realise in time you have done her a massive favour and they will die down.....

Sorry for late reply only just seen this!!

I am willing to give him benefit of the doubt I am feeling a lot more confident things are "as they are" Obviously there will always be 2 sides to every story and its not my place to get involved or question things. I know im not perfect and sometimes things do happen in life that might not seem fair but if presuming hes is telling me the truth (im taking it as he is) then its not fair on either of them to carry on as they were and even less fair for the children so maybe I have done them all a favour only time will tell.

If things go tits up I dont mind holding my hands up and coming back here for an "i told you speech)

Thank you to everyone who has commented on this post of mine I really do appreciate your honest words :) xxx